43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

I Can’t Remember What I Had For Breakfast September 20, 2011

Huh?  Well, what the hell else does an internet dating blogger write about when she’s not actually internet dating?  I was going to list off all my meals for the past 3 days along with a listing of my favorite DIY cocktails for your reading displeasure.  Yeah, I’m much more white trash in my drinking when at home vs when I’m out.  Shhhhh.  Don’t tell.  Anyway, as I can’t remember what I had for breakfast and no one really gives a shit about my dietary menus, I was at a loss as to what to write.  Until these two idiots gentleman swooped in and saved the day.  Now I’m in a quandary;  which one to go out with first.  Oh wait, that would be neither.  Welcome to my world and Please enjoy:

RE: Your Feet Must Hurt

How are you doing..I hope all is going fine and well for you.My name is J*** L***,I’m originally Glendale.I was surfing through the dating site and saw your profile and it really caught my interest and I would like to know more things about you,I would like you to tell me what you seek for in life and if u are ready to start up a relationship as I would really like to know you better.I would like to let u know that Age and Distance does not mean in a relationship.Communication is the key to relationship.Am new on this dating site and everything is pretty new to me,you can email me and then I would tell you more about myself and also send you some pictures of myself too,i want you to know that am ready and willing to relocate to the right woman.You can send me an mail
to l***j***50    AT    Y   /   A  / H / O / O/  DOT /   COM. I am also on yahoo chat now you can talk to me,my id is
l***j***50  You have a nice time

I don’t even know where to start with this idiot.  1st of all, he used to be the city of Glendale?  Huh.  Interesting.  Secondly, the awesome punctuation and glaring display of ‘english as a 2nd (or 3rd) language’ could drive me to drink.  Oh wait….. anyway, he then goes on to blather about how distance doesn’t matter and he’s willing to move for love.  As romantic as that notion is, his city is all of about 9 miles from mine.  Quite the sacrifice of being willing to relocate ‘uptown’. 😉 Although I do agree that communication is key in a relationship, I also believe that actually being able to speak fluently is important as well.  Oh, as is bothering to take the time to actually read my profile and write a ‘real’ message and not a charming ‘cut and paste’ that was probably sent out en mass this afternoon.  I think I’m going to take a pass……….

As if he wasn’t a stellar enough option, I then get this one from OkStupid:

hello beautiful..i love ur profile..i would love 2 chat wit u sometime…Charles

Enough said.  Thank god I have decent dates lined up for the next 2 nights.  Both with girlfriends, but hell if I won’t opt for a fun girls’ night out over a douchebag parade any day of the week.  Or year.  Or decade. 😉


12 Responses to “I Can’t Remember What I Had For Breakfast”

  1. Emilie Says:

    You could’nt say better then that about the frist one. To be honest, I was correcting his grammer while reading that message… mind you, its not the first time I do that to guys… both in french and english…

  2. Kat Richter Says:

    Haha, I remember getting one of those wacko, long winded, willing to relocate emails a while back. There must be a template! LOL 🙂 Enjoy your girls night(s) out.

  3. Hey beautiful… Don’t forget that pretty much everything is new to him. And, uhm wild guess on breakfast … Vodka? Vegas (again) in 32 days, baby. And we’ll have The Earl for breakfast (and dinner and pre-pool).

  4. Matthew Says:

    Mr. Formally Glendale would then probably send you a message about needing you to give him your address so he can send you a check, so you can cash it and then send a smaller amount back to him (from your own account) so he can move those 9 miles.

  5. I like how he capitalized Age and Distance for no apparent reason. Bad grammar/punctuation = big big turn off.

  6. will date for free food Says:

    The girls that I do my blog with and I are currently compiling the worst messages we have received from online dating. So this was perfect motivation to finish it! And we completely agree… so far the trend is bad grammar/punctuation (if any exists at all!) Stay tuned! Hoping to post tomorrow.


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