43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Did You Really Think I Wouldn’t? September 28, 2011

Filed under: bad dates,dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:14 am
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So it took a couple of days to actually hit me what TD had just done.  Dumped me as a friend.  Huh.  I guess you’re never too old for crappy firsts to happen.  Awesome.  I debated whether or not to respond as I really didn’t have much to say.  Then I realized that hello?  I always have something to say and since when have I ever let anyone else get the last word?  As he had actually posed a question or two to me as well, I took this as a chance to not only answer them, but to make a couple of parting points.  No, I didn’t whine and beg him to keep me as a friend (look at me, all grown up).  Hell, although I may be desperate for a great date, I will never be desperate for friends and if he opted to give up our friendship, then best of luck to him.

For a change I will not be posting my response to him (i don’t think), but will give you some highlights.  Let me just tell you that it was one of my better works.  No really.  I told him that I never thought our 2 hour chat sessions would last.  I told him that I knew if/when he and the ex got back together that our communication would change but that I had no clue he would ever just up and end the friendship (especially since he told me he wouldn’t).  I let him know how upset I was that instead of just being honest with me and talking about ‘his need to back off’ that he instead would just ignore my direct questions about what was going on or why he was being so short and rude-ish to me.  It made me think he was mad at me which in turn makes me a bit paranoid and pre-occupied (read: bitchy).  I let him know that no, although I don’t like her and think she’s bad for him, I was not jealous of the ex and that I was well aware that they had unfinished (codependent fucked up) business to take care of.  That I was, however, jealous of Friday person as that whole thing just didn’t make sense.  I let him know that if he wasn’t being so weird and crappy to me that he probably would have gotten a different response.

I let him know that I didn’t understand how the fact that we originally met on a dating site outweighed the friendship I thought we had built.  As I just wouldn’t be me otherwise, I felt the need to slip in a couple of snipey jabs and inquired if he was proactively dumping all of his friends or just me.  I let him know that he hadn’t been a very good friend lately and that there was no way in hell I was going to fight for something that he obviously didn’t want and could so easily toss aside.  I ended it by telling him that I hope he finds whatever it is that he’s looking for (obviously someone who treats him like shit) and that he ends up happy.  I did tell him that I would miss him as that’s true.  I have already missed him for the past couple of weeks already though.

And I sent it.  And felt a-okay about it.   I’ve been dumped by many guys in my lifetime but never by a friend.  Kinda shitty.  I can’t decide if I’m glad that I met him or if it would have been better to never have met.  I can’t decide.

While I am hugely shocked and disappointed, I can’t be mad.  As shitty as he’s been lately, I know that’s not who he is at heart and in the end, it’s his loss to throw me away.

What I didn’t tell him was that I was amazed that he could equate our friendship, which was started 2 months ago when he was broken up with the guys that his ex/neighbor/whatever started communicating with less than 2 weeks ago when they were supposedly trying to reconcile.  I don’t get it, but whatever. 

What I didn’t tell him, or all (3) of you, or even myself is this.  Yes, originally I thought we could just be friends.  Then I did want to be more than friends but was willing to wait for however long it took.  Hell, he’s such a good guy, who wouldn’t? The more I found out about the ex though and that whole destructive love triangle situation, the less I thought (and still think) that anyone, ANYONE stands a chance in hell against whatever hold she seems to have over him.  I may be competitive, but I’m certainly not stupid (well, not much at least).  The fact that he either refuses to see it, or doesn’t really mind is equally as messed up.  My feelings sort of changed.  He’s hugely codependent on her.  He thinks he’ll be lost without her.  I absolutely did not and do not want him to get back together with his ex as I saw what it’s done to him and can’t fathom anything being that hard to deal with is anything good in the long run.  Would I be happy with him dating someone else?  As long as she was a good person and treated him well, then absolutely.  I do worry that he’ll never really find happiness as he seems so willing to settle and kinda views their very dysfunctional relationship as normal, but that’s not my problem.  I need to worry more about myself.

Do I hope I ever see him again?  I really don’t know.  I’m still torn on that issue.  I know what an amazing person he is.  I’ve also seen what a lost soul he is.  And how easily he is influenced.  If he ever truly gets over the ex, which I find doubtful, who knows …….. I hope I’m not single and still looking at that time though as I don’t imagine it would be anytime soon………

This whole thing has brought some very big issues to light for me though.  Not issues with him (as we all know what those are), but within myself.  I really do need to figure out what it is that makes me feel the need to take on ‘project people’ instead of dealing with whatever is going on in my own life.  Why do I try to ‘fix’ others, but don’t seem able to ‘fix’ whatever is going on with me.  I need a new hobby.  Maybe basket weaving ………. 😉

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10 Responses to “Did You Really Think I Wouldn’t?”

  1. everevie Says:

    I relate to you on the whole “fixing people” thing. I think it’s why I keep picking the wrong guys. I wish I knew how to advise you…but obvs I don’t have any answers.

    I think you do very well in standing up for yourself though…and you don’t let things go so far that you lose yourself. That’s something to be proud of.

    He’s a big idiot for losing you…and I think he’ll feel the void. And he’s going to regret it. I feel sorry for him…he’s going to be miserable for a long time to come.

    • Thanks Evie ~ ya’ know, I don’t think he’ll regret it. Or miss me. Remember I had already been replaced before I’d been fired. 😉 I’m kinda forgettable (unless you’re my psycho ex from ID) 😉

  2. As a great person said, “He’s a big idiot for losing you…and I think he’ll feel the void. And he’s going to regret it.”

  3. Surrey gal Says:

    I’m so sorry… I can imagine how you must be feeling and I feel for you. Tomorrow hopefully will be better, right?

  4. Online Dating Circus Expert Says:

    I hear basket weaving can be quite fulfilling GG! (not…) Actually, enjoying the company of non-project people is. Unfortunately, the internet dating world is full of people who are a bit off…sometimes, you get tricked into thinking someone is ok.

    I am sorry TD threw away your friendship. Very douchey (sorry – fave new word). On the brightside, as soon as you DO get into a relationship with a non-project man, you won’t have time for project friends…so chances are, your relationship with TD would have dwindled anyways.

    Final note (boy, wordy today – making up for not posting in a while!!) – I recall reading some advice by Katz in the midst of a run of horrible dates. He said something to the effect that I was partly to blame for so many bad dates because I was “accepting” them. He encourages women to up their standards a bit…once I did, things went better for me (as opposed to accepting dates from any guy as I was doing for a while).

    Go love yourself, be good to yourself, get sexy and screw TD and all future project weirdos!

    • 🙂 Thanks ODC….I look forward to seeing what a relationship with a non-project person is like …….. when I’m 78 😉 oh wait 😦

      Yeah, yeah, not accepting less than what I deserve …….. too bad that flies in the face of me not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings or make them feel bad about themselves (oh shit, don’t tell anyone that I just alluded to the fact that I actually have a heart)

      and no worries about the word douche or douchey or douchebag or any other form of the word …… it’s one of my faves!

  5. Your last two points are interesting ones to ponder Goose. If TD is ever available again…Run! He has already shown you how he will treat you – and that’s no way to treat a friend or anyone for that matter! He might be a “lost soul” but the only person who can fix that is him. It is hard I am sure but I hope you will let him go. Put yourself first.

    You seem to have hit on something in your last thought. Oddly enough this echoes a lot of “Dictionary” too so perhaps there is a message or lesson in all of this for you? I hope you are able to take some time to do some thinking and figure out what this all means for you. Feelings and emotions are almost never logical so go easy on yourself. Take Care.

    • I am letting him go Shades. I’m sad and offended and a little mad, but nothing I can’t get over.

      There are some terrific (and by terrific I mean shitty) parallels between TD and Webster ….. and my actions around both of them….. tiptoeing around and not wanting to hurt their ‘delicate’ feelings …… not being honest about what was going on …… not putting my foot down about what I wanted ……. people just surprise the shit out of me sometimes. I never would have imagined either of these guys would do what they’ve both done. I thought both of them were the nicest guys ever! So glad they both allowed me to build up their egos just enough to dump me. Awesome trend…..

      I’m not sure what the lesson for me is in all of this (well I do, but I don’t quite know how to go about fixing it), but I’ll figure it out…..


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