43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Who Do I Talk To About My Perks Package? October 9, 2011

Filed under: bad dates,dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:44 am
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So since TD and I ‘made up’ on Sunday let’s see.  After my innocuous ‘hi’ text to him, he called and we spoke for over 3 hours that night.  Monday we spoke on the phone for 2 hours.  Tuesday we went to happy hour and the movies.  Thursday we met to play pool for a bit while his son was at practice.  Friday we went out to dinner.  Saturday I went to his house to make dinner and watch movies.  Damn it, they weren’t porn, but whatever.  I was there until 2:30am.  We talk for hours on end.  Always.  Today he is taking me to his daughter’s horse competition where I will get to meet her and ex wife #2.  Does this seem strange to anyone else?  I am so firmly planted in the friend zone that he has told his kids and ex wife about me.  I know for a fact that he will not let the kids know when he starts dating again and firmly believes in the 6 month rule before introducing a new love interest to his kids.  I get to actually meet them today.  Pretty excited about that.  We get along.  It’s like having a boyfriend without all the bullshit.  Sadly, it’s also like having a boyfriend without any of the fringe benefits either.

Such an odd situation.  Now that I have finally come clean with myself I know I’d like to be more than friends.  I have no idea what his thoughts are on this matter.  I had the perfect opportunity to ask him the other night, but I got nervous and zoned out.  Awesome.  He actually asked me on the way to dinner on Friday if I thought he was ready to date again.  I looked at him like he had 2 heads and told him that was not my decision to make and only he could answer that.  ALL of his past relationships have started with friends.  The man has never dated in his life.  Ever.  I don’t know if he’s lucky for that or if he’s missed out on anything.  He flat out told me that he does not want, and his friends have told him not to, just get together with another friend as his last picks were not good ones.  That he needs to date around a bit.  I actually don’t disagree with this.  When he talks about needing to not just start dating a friend because it’s convenient or easy is he talking about me?  No clue.  No clue if I’ll be included in the rotation when he starts dating either.  If I’m not, I’ll probably have to wander off into the sunset as although I really am okay with the ‘friends’ thing (right now, anyway) and don’t hold many expectations otherwise, I have no desire to see him date others.

When he asked me the other night, on the phone btw, not in person, if I would be jealous when he starts dating again, I instinctively said ‘no’.  Not sure why I said that as it’s closer to the truth to say that I will try my best not to be, but probably will be.  I did have the wits about me to ask why he asked in the hopes of getting some sort of better insight.  Uh, and that’s when I zoned out.  I got nervous for his answer and didn’t want to hear that I was not even a consideration so I blocked out the rest of the conversation.  What a dumbass I am.  I know that he said that he realized I felt ‘some sort of connection’ when we 1st went out and that I would have wanted to go on a 2nd date with him and I actually mustered up the ability to say ‘and you didn’t?’ and that, my friends, is the last I remember of the conversation.  I have no clue what his response was or what else was said.  Ahh, the subconscious is a pretty fucked up tricky thing.

I don’t know that he has any idea that I am truly interested in dating him and am not just trying to build up his self confidence.  Then again, he may.  What a jumbled mess.  He gives me dating pep talks all the time.  I ask him about his ‘practice’ online profile on OkStupid.  All I really want to do is scream in his face to wake up and look at me.  I am perfect for him (once I lose 10 lbs and managed to find some muscle tone) and he is without a doubt the kind of man that I want and deserve.  I just don’t know about the attraction factor on his end.  I know he thinks I’m a pretty amazing person and he told me last night that my personality is one of my best features.  I, of course, say ‘thanks, that what people tell ugly chicks’.   Gotta love being me.  He backpedalled and told me I was attractive, but damn it would just be nice to know what the hell is going on in his head.

I don’t however as that just wouldn’t be my world.  I am actually really happy with just spending time with him.  He gets me out of my head and makes me smile.  I’m no good at sharing though, and know he will start dating sooner than later.  That, my friends, is when the proverbial shit is going to hit the fan.  He is such an amazingly good and trusting man that not only am I afraid that someone will take advantage of him, but that he will allow it to happen.  He places so much of his self worth in relationships, that I fear he will pick poorly.  Again.  I also know that there is nothing I can do about that.

Thank god I’ve got some fun distractions coming up in my trip to Vegas with my all time favorite lush and then a cruise for a week.  Best case scenario?  I’m gone for a week, he figures out how empty his life is without me and declares his interest upon my return.  Most likely scenario?  He will meet some other chick while I’m gone and fall for her ……… crap.

I am absolutely taking things one day at a time.  I am enjoying what I have while I have it.  I am ‘going with the flow’ on this.  I am not going to allow myself to mess up what little I have now with thoughts of what I really want in the future.  I am going to see what happens and try my best to keep my neurotic messy side securely locked in the closet.  He is more than a friend to me.  I do not think I am anything more than that to him, however.  Boo. 😦


14 Responses to “Who Do I Talk To About My Perks Package?”

  1. mysterycoach Says:

    Do you think you would be comfortable at some point asking him if he would like to be more than friends?

    • Hey MC. I will, just not now. Now I don’t think he’s in the frame of mind to even be dating, so I will wait and see how things go.

      • mysterycoach Says:

        I hear ya 🙂

        • mysterycoach Says:

          I understand what you’re saying, at the same time I worry that while I understand you’d like to wait and see, he’s asked you how you’ll feel when he does date, so it may be on his mind. I wouldn’t want to see you feel hurt because you’re comfortable in the friend zone for now and then he decides to date and that would like, suck.

  2. Tell him how you really feel….life is fucking short my friend….

  3. TikkTok Says:

    I would suggest a marathon session of movies, popcorn and some alcohol…… no idea if that works in reality, although then you would have an “excuse” if it went south and he didn’t reciprocate…. the logical thing would be to ask him outright if he’s ever thought about the two of you dating, and see what he says….. 🙂 You’re not asking him TO date you; just whether or not he’s ever thought about it, and if he says yes, what were his thoughts…..

  4. Re: “…When he asked me the other night, on the phone btw, not in person, if I would be jealous when he starts dating again, I instinctively said ‘no’…”

    He could have been subtly asking you to find out if YOU wanted to date him. If you had said you would be jealous, he would have known you see dating him as an option. He may not feel comfortable asking you directly if you want to date him because it would wreck your friendship if you gave the ‘wrong’ answer.

    The good news is you can easily go forward from here, but it’s harder to go back. So you still have lots of opportunities to make this work. I can’t say why, since I know little about him/you/this situation, but I feel this has potential… Yay for you!

    • Thanks SD. You certainly are the optimist. The whole TD thing is really quite complicated, so I wish I could share your outlook. And if he could let go of the shitty neighbor/ex/bitch, there actually might be potential, but I just don’t know ………

      • Just be on the look-out for the next time he asks. And, next time, tell him the truth…that, yes, you will be a little jealous because you have wondered if the two of you might work out somehow sometime some way and have been too shy to say anything. He’ll understand and probably respect your vulnerability. More than you might expect.

        • I will tell him the truth next time. If there is one. I kind of panic when put on the spot and as we all know my favorite thing in the universe is it to act as if nothing bothers me and to hide my true feelings, it’s hard to do right on the spot 😉

  5. husbandhunter1 Says:

    “Saturday I went to his house to make dinner and watch movies. Damn it, they weren’t porn”


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