43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Do As I Say, Not As I Do October 26, 2011

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:58 am

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

Being the giver that I am, I’ve done some fieldwork for you all.  On how NOT to meet a man to date.  Online or otherwise.  I’ve broken it down into an easy to follow ‘don’t do this’ format for you to commit to memory.  Immediately.

  1. Do NOT agree to meet a man from online or otherwise who has just broken up with a long term girlfriend and is ‘new’ to dating
  2. Do NOT decide that you will befriend this poor, lost soul when he e-mails you to tell you that he’s ‘not ready’ to date and isn’t over his ex
  3. Do NOT to proceed to hang out with this man for the next 3 months.  Or text.  Or talk on the phone with him.
  4.  Absolutely do NOT end up falling for him
  5. If you disregard step 4 (a pretty important one), do NOT try to convince yourself that ‘it will be okay’ and that you ‘can deal with’ just being friends
  6. Do NOT encourage this man to date again when you can clearly see he’s not ready, yet he is convinced that he is
  7.  Do NOT tell him that it’s okay to talk to you about said dates and give dating advice on how he can do well with other women
  8.  Do NOT repeatedly tell him that you’re ‘fine’ just being friends
  9.  Do NOT decide, after 3 month of ‘friendship’ with him (and his kids by this point), that you DO want to date him and think you should tell him
  10.  If disregarding step 9, then do NOT blurt out a desperate plea to date you after way too many cocktails
  11. Do NOT try to save face the next day by telling him you didn’t mean any of it
  12. Do NOT go back to being his dating coach and hearing all about how awesome these other women are
  13. Do NOT agree to be with him on a very difficult holiday still 2 weeks away
  14. If disregarding step 13, do NOT then decide 10 days prior to said holiday that you can’t be his friend any more as it’s making you crazy to watch him date others and need to let him know
  15.  If you have just disregarded both steps 13 & 14, do not then plan your ‘good bye’ and time it to be done after said upcoming holiday
  16.  Do NOT give yourself an ulcer acting like all is okay for the next 10 days knowing full well what you are about to do
  17.  Do NOT shove overly expressive letter in guy’s face 5 minutes before his kids come  home on evening of aforementioned holiday
  18.  Do NOT plead your case and then decide that ya’ know what?  It’s his loss and he’s on his own.  Oh wait, DO do this step!
  19.  Do NOT play hard to get when he finally comes around and decides that he wants to date you and not all the other whores.  Oh, sorry, I mean women.
  20. Skip steps 2-19, let emotionally stilted man know that when he’s ready that you’d love to see him again but don’t you dare hang around holding out hope…..

However, if you are a total Sadist and have 3 months of your life to turn yourself into a ridiculous basket case and feel the need to deal with totally unnecessary drama, then be my guest.  I’ve done the work for you.  Bo


One Response to “Do As I Say, Not As I Do”

  1. […] , How To Date A Douchebag Online, How To Scare A Man Away In 3 Dates or Less and the ever popular Do As I Say, Not As I Do series, I am offering another helpful little tidbit.  Completely free.  Sadly there are no course […]

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