So yeah, as if it’s not odd enough that I plan in advance to end a friendship, I decide to spend bunches of time with he and his family right beforehand. I need some serious therapy. So I go over to TD’s yesterday afternoon to hang with he and his kids. Have dinner, watch movies, enjoy some cocktails. And yes, par for the course, we have a great time. Nothing new there. However, I believe he’s been fishing around in my fucking head as so many things that came up tonight are in direct response to points I am making in my as yet undelivered pre-planned speech for Monday. And also as sort of an offensive attack in order to cloud my judgement. None of it intentional as he has no clue what’s coming and he would never do anything underhanded but c’mon now people, why why why is he so f*ing nice?
Had a great time with his kids. As always. Had a great time with him. As always. His ex wife showed up. Odd. In between movies he grabs me, gives me a huge hug and proceeds to explain that I am one of the best friends he’s ever had and how he never would have made it through all of his drama without me and how important I am to him. Really? Fuck me. So he tells me all this mid hug and I am fairly catatonic as I don’t know what the hell to do. We were both fairly tipsy (yeah, I know, great example for his teenaged kids, but whatever) and as I’m standing there all stiff and he’s hugging me and talking into my neck, all I can think is ‘don’t go there’ and when he releases me slowly from the hug and presents me with the perfect opportunity to either kiss him or let him kiss me, I jerk back real quick and look at the floor. Moment over. I know, I’m so awesome I can’t even stand it. I really just wanted to run out of the house as I couldn’t believe he was saying all this shit when I am planning to end everything in 2 days. How much bigger of a bitch can I be?
Some other freaky twilight zonish things that happened tonight were that his daughter, who I’ve always gotten along with but never anything spectacular, invites me to do something next week. Uhm ……….. yeah, kinda sounded like a complete moron in my response of needing to let her know next week. And as we all know my penchant for actually writing out what I want to say to someone to either just shove in their face to read themselves, or for me to attempt to read, I’ve had my ‘goodbye’ letter written for a week. Okay, well, there have been about 327 versions since then, but you understand. One point that I make in my lame assed letter/speech/crutch is that the uncertainty and constant questioning of myself with him is sort of breaking my spirit (melodramatic much?). Yeah, the 1st movie we watched with his daughter was Beastly. Actually not a totally lame movie, i’m shocked to report. In the movie as the guy is about to declare his love to the gal, she tells him what a great friend he is. Awesome. My situation, just backwards and TD goes ‘oh, the dreaded ‘friend’ label’ …….. ya’ think shithead? What was the 2nd movie you ask? Go ahead. Guess. Yup, it was a movie called ‘Spirit’. Super.
So the whole night I’m having no clue what to do with myself and luckily he’s not picking up on any of it. I finally tell him I need to go home as I’d been there almost 9 hours and he walks me out as usual. And proceeds to ask me about the *hanging head in shame* non existant date that I told him I had last night. I swear, if I didn’t have the joints of a 90 year old, I’d think I was actually 12. Feel free to stop reading my blog at any time. 😦