No, not to see if I really go thru with talking to TD tomorrow night and insuring the demise of our friendship. I’ve pretty much given myself an ulcer over the thought. Note to self and everyone else. Do not pre-plan things like this and put off doing them as it will only make you feel shittier in the end. I feel like the biggest damn hypocrite ever. Being his friend today when I know I won’t be come Tuesday. Awesome feeling (and by awesome I mean I can’t really think of anything worse). I’m not even going to tell you all that I was over there again last night because he was having another meltdown. Oh wait …….. Yeah, yeah, I know. I personally don’t think he should be dating at all right now and that he’s certainly not ready which flies in the face of why I’m dumping him, but if he’s going to date prematurely, then he ought to at least consider me. See? This is part of the reason we’re perfect for each other! We’re both emotional idiots! And rest assured, we would never procreate, so any possibly messed up kids being born would be out of the question. That should make everyone sleep better, huh?
Anyway, that’s not what I’m referring to. I’m talking about the countdown to my cruise! Which will sail away this coming weekend!!! Yey for me!! I think. I’ve never in my life been nervous about travelling alone. I’ve never been nervous about my ability to make friends and talk to anyone. I’ve never been nervous about anything regarding a vacation as no one knows me so I can act like the confident, flirty, outgoing person that I’m really not. I’m kinda nervous this time. Awesome. Although I’ve had clothes hanging in my guest room for 3 weeks now for the ‘weeding out’ process (I don’t think 12 nice dresses for 7 nice dinners is all that necessary). I am a list maker by nature. It helps to minimize the effects of my early onset senility. I make lists about what to pack. What to wear. Which outfits are for which days. I haven’t made any lists yet. Nor have I organized my life in any way shape or form in preparation of being gone for over a week. Well, that’s not entirely true, but I doubt that the fact that I’ve been working on building up my ‘base tan’ for the trip counts for much in the long run. What? Darker colors are flattering! 😉
What if I get a sucky table assignment? What if I dislike everyone on the ship? What if there is absolutely no one for me to flirt with (and by flirt, I mean sort of make an ass out of myself)? What if I just say ‘screw it all, i never have issues like this, so pull your head out of your ass and know that at the very least, you’re going to be able to get away, relax and not have to worry about one single thing aside from what cocktail to enjoy next and which 2 appetizers to order at the formal dinners each night?’. Yeah, that’s more like it …….. Truly though, if I can’t manage to find a hookup on a ship with 3,000+ passengers and probably an equal number of pervy Italian crew members, then I suck more than I ever imagined. Oh, and by ‘hookup’ I don’t necessarily mean a bike ride as we all know that I don’t even remember what to do on one of those at this point…….