43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

I Did It, Part 2 …….. ‘the talk’ November 2, 2011

Filed under: bad dates,dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:30 am
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So, TD comes into where I was after reading the novel letter to talk to me.   And proceeded to thank me for telling him.  To let me know that he was pretty sure that’s what had been going on and to list off all the reasons why he couldn’t see himself dating me.  Awesome.  His reasons included ‘drama’, which I explained he had caused with his strange actions towards me previously instead of just talking to me.  His not wanting to ‘fall into another relationship with whoever was closest’ again like he had done in the past.  I told him that was a total cop out as I couldn’t be more different from the exes (all 3 of them in his lifetime) and we’d known each other for more than 3 months. Whatever.  As he’s explaining all my downfalls, I was pretty proud of how I handled myself.  I didn’t cry at all.  I didn’t let him off the hook on anything and I made him clarify everything he was saying.  Then, of course, I would give my version. Yeah, not going so great. We were all of 5 minutes into talking when his daughter came back from trick or treating and plops right in between us. And proceeds to ask me if I want to watch some TV with her.  Uhm……….. Crap.  Anyway, TD explains that he needs to talk to me and we proceed into his bedroom.  Huh, this really wasn’t why I was hoping to invited into his bedroom, but whatever.  We proceed to talk for the next 2 hours.  His concerns, my concerns, pretty much everything.  The man is just absolutely petrified of making a ‘wrong’ decision and getting hurt again.  Duh, I think we all are.  Midway through he turns the table and starts asking me some questions.  About why I want to date him.  Why I think he hasn’t broached the subject before.  And I tell him, honestly, just what I wrote in the letter.  That while I think I’m the person on the inside that he wants, I’m guessing he’s just not physically attracted to me.  And he tells me I’m wrong about his not being attracted to me.  Huh.  He further explains that he had considered many many times dating me, but didn’t want to take ‘the easy way out’ (flattering, I know).  In addition to telling him how insulting that is, I tell him how I absolutely didn’t appreciate his going out of his way to tell me about his date with the whore on Sunday and he says he did it in order to guage my reaction.  WTF?  Honestly though, he had been asking me all week what was wrong and I had been telling him that everything was fine.  I had also told him that it was okay for him to tell me about his dates and that it didn’t bother me (why?  god only knows), so he didn’t know how else to figure out if he was right or not about it being him that was upsetting me so much.  So we hash all of that out.  He asks me if I want to date him and I say ‘no’.  I tell him I have no desire to be with someone who isn’t sure about me and doesn’t have a handle on who I am after 3 months and I certainly wasn’t going to date someone who was out checking to see if there was anyone ‘better’.  He corrected me and said he wasn’t looking for better, he was looking for different as he still wasn’t sure what he wants.  I told him that was a bunch of bullshit but did concede that we are coming at this from 2 completely different angles.  I’ve dated *hanging head in shame* hundreds of guys and he’s dated exactly 4 women in his life.  Aside from his internet dates these past few weeks.  I can’t really fault him for that as maybe he does need to date around some more in order to figure out what a moron he is and how he probably just lost the best person for him.  Eh, his issue, not mine.

One thing did come to light which I find absolutely fascinating.  I guess one of the women that he did a ‘meet and greet’ (he refused to call initial meetings dates) with and they both decided it wasn’t right, he struck up a phone friendship with.  Now although I knew about her, I thought it was her calling him asking for advice and male opinions.  I always assumed that she was interested in him.  Turns out I couldn’t be more wrong.  While she is talking to him about all her dating challenges, he is talking to her about …….. me!  And apparently painting a fairly stellar picture as she actually warned him last week that if he pursued a relationship with someone else, that he was going to lose me.  This woman who I’ve never met was actually rooting for me and trying to smack some sense into TD on my behalf.  I flippantly say that I’d like to meet her and give her a big hug and he says ‘she’d like to meet you too as she thinks you’re pretty amazing’.  Uhm, the only way she would think/know that is from things that TD has told her about me.  Very interesting ……

Anyway, back to the whore at hand (no, not me, the date from Sunday).  I knew he was having doubts about her anyway, but he hadn’t yet admitted to himself that she wasn’t ‘right’, so I didn’t say a word when he brought her up.  I told him there was no way in hell I was sticking around while he dates others.  He asked me for ‘more time’.  Uh, no.  I told him he was welcome to take as much time as he wanted/needed, but that I wasn’t going to wait for him, would be out there dating as well and that I couldn’t be his friend during this.  We pretty much left it at that.  That he was going to still ‘shop around’ and try to figure out what he wanted, I was going to go on my merry way, and maybe, just maybe, we’d see each other again.  He guessed it would take him about 2 weeks to ‘know’ what he wanted (such a ridiculous engineer trait to think they can plan out a timeline for everything).  He walked me to my car, gave me several long hugs, told me he would leave communication up to me, but that he would be thinking of me and to plz text him when I got home.  I told him no.  Then gave in.  😉 When I got home I texted him to let him know I got home safely and to thank him for being open and honest with me.  Although I didn’t get all the responses I was hoping for, I got a lot of things clarified.  I felt pretty darn proud of myself for laying it all out there and how I handled things and honestly had no idea how things would turn out.  I just assumed he’d ride off into the sunset with someone else and I was working on being okay with that.

Until I got a series of texts from him the next morning ……………


13 Responses to “I Did It, Part 2 …….. ‘the talk’”

  1. Dang girl…. I just want to smack him and bring him back to reality. Ugh.

    I wish you would have gotten a better reaction from him.

    Oh… and I’d love to hear about the serious of texts the next morning… Is he having second thoughts??

    Inquiring minds need to know, dammit.

  2. ifUseekAmy Says:

    He’s gonna figure his shit out in 2 weeks?!?!?! HA! Good luck, buddy. Now he’s someone who really needs some therapy. And stat.

    I’m glad you got a clearer understanding of how things stand between the two of you. I don’t think you’ll ever be able to be friends again, at least not in the same capacity. There’s too much laid out on the table for that now.

    I’m so very proud for standing up for yourself, even though it hurt like hell. But that hurt will fade (just like mine will) and we’ll both end up better in the long run because we won’t be in relationships that are bringing us down and prematurely aging us.

    Big hugs coming to you from NY 🙂

    • Thanks Amy. Isn’t that hysterical about the 2 week timeline? What an idiot. No, we would never be able to be friends again. One way or the other, that had to come to an end. I’m glad I stood up for myself too. Not one of the easiest things I’ve ever done ……..

  3. Brenda Says:

    Oh my, sounds like a typical man. No matter how much it hurts, keep walking. This guy sounds emotionally damaged and needs more than 2 weeks to get his head on straight. My goodness…..sad for you but be strong girlie. There are GOOD men out there!

  4. Matthew Says:

    Ahhhhhh! More suspense. You temptress you!

  5. What did the texts say? And btw very uncool of him to play mindgames with you to gauge your reaction. That’s what we women do! He can’t steal our moves!

  6. TikkTok Says:

    {hand, meet head} Two weeks is still making me giggle. I love it when life is so simple, don’t you? 😀 “In two weeks, I’ll know whether or not I want to spend my life with you….” Heh.

    I hope the texts were good! 😆

    But yes, GOOD FOR YOU for standing your ground and explaining your perspective.

  7. Sometimes men are so ridiculous…good luck though 🙂

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