So I’d just gotten done listening to TD seemingly try to talk himself out of wanting to date me the night prior. The evening took a somewhat odd change in direction when I realize that was in fact what he was doing. It’s like I then gained the upper hand as I knew he was doing it, but he had no clue. So I told him to take as much time as needed but that I wasn’t waiting around for him, yadda yadda. Had no intentions of contacting him like he wanted me to. Was going to get thru this week, go on my cruise and whatever. Until 6:48am the very next morning when I start recieving a string of texts that go something like this:
I know you didn’t expect to hear from me but I need to tell you something ……I thought it would take about 2 weeks to figure things out but apparently all I needed was one night ……… I thought long and hard about everything we talked about last night and have re-read your letter 3 times ………. I know we have a connection, I can feel it when we hug and I’ve been convincing myself I needed to ignore it ………. I don’t want to ignore it any more …….. Just give me the word and I will clean up all my loose ends and delete my profile from Match ………you’re the one that I want and see a future with…….. if you’ll have me………..what do you say?
There were many more texts (and some pretty fucking amazing ones at that) spanning from 6:48am thru until I opted to respond around 7:30 (just to be a bitch), but you get the gist. My reply to him? Well that went along the lines of ‘what has changed between last night and this morning? How can you feel you don’t know what you want and aren’t ready less than 12 hours ago to this? You’re just afraid to be alone and it’s feeling like I forced your hand in this, so my answer is no’. I know! Can you believe it? I actually said no. To him.
What has ensued has been 2 days of him texting me reasons why he is ready. Reasons why he is choosing me. Reasons why I am the right one for him. Explaining that I was always the right one, but he just didn’t want to admit it to himself. He thought he needed to ‘comparison shop’ but decided that was ridiculous and couldn’t risk losing me. Ways he will make me happy. Ways he will create time for ‘us’. Ways that I just ‘fit’. Ways that I am better than ‘the others’. He dumped Sunday night whore last night. He apologized for being an idiot. He thanked me for working around the kids’ schedules this past month and assured me he isn’t usually so ‘busy’ and will have much more free time to devote to me. And tons of other things that I never even questioned.
Fact being that he did respond to each and every one of my concerns and many that weren’t even concerns. He seems sincere. I don’t think I’m the ‘easy fix’ to avoid being lonely. As he explained, if that’s all he wanted, he would have stuck with Sunday whore (you all do realize that he doesn’t actually call her that, right?). I don’t think I forced his hand as he didn’t have to text me the very next morning. Do I think he possibly panicked about losing me? Yeah, kind of, but I think that’s a valid concern of his. He has seemingly already written me into he and his kids’ lives. As his kids mean the world to him, I think that is what sticks with me most.
Have I changed my response to him yet? Nope. Will I? You’re damn right I will. This is the man that I want. The emotionally retarded basket case that he is. You all know how I love a good project. 😉 Truth of the matter is, he’s good for me. I read back to before he started dating. Before he started freaking out about the ex. We do just get along and he feels ‘right’. He’s good for me. He cares about me and I think will do his best to make me happy. I deserve that. I told him we could spend some time together tomorrow night and we will see…….
How odd is it going to be to finally get to kiss the man that I’ve wanted to kiss for so long? Yikes! I’ve never been nervous about kissing anyone in my life……….. Is it possible that I have actually met (and not scared away with all my annoying theatrics) the man that I really want and was looking for? On the *gasp* internet??????
I can’t wait to hear what my intuitive has to tell me in the morning! Should be good!