43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

How Not To Time A Vacation November 14, 2011

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 5:20 am

In conjunction with my fieldwork on ‘how not to meet a man’, ‘how to scare a man away in 10 easy steps (or less)’ and everyone’s favorite ‘how to date every douchebag online’, I bring you my latest work.  How not to time a vacation. 😦  As easy to follow bullet points are good for a lesson like this, that’s what I’ll do.

As I’ve already gone over to process on the incorrect steps to take to meet and date a man, I will skip over that part.  Once said bachelor is snagged, I would suggest the following:

1) Do not leave for 8 days a scant 5 days after he decides he wants a relationship with you
2) Do not see him for an extended makeout session before leaving town
3) Do not board a ship with lots of single drunk men
4) Do not have the whole ‘angel/devil’ debate on how to act while away
5) Do not kid yourself that the the whole ‘what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas’ mentality applies to anywhere in the world
6) DO realize your limitations and stick to chatting up women and couples only
7) Do not convince yourself that you are going to make him regret waiting so long for deciding that he wants you instead of the other internet skanks by not contacting him all week
8.) If, and let’s be honest here, when you ignore #7, do not proceed to text with him throughout the entire week
9) If ignoring both 7 and 8, do not expect your Cel phone bill to be any less than $300 😦
10) Do not eat like a pig and drink like a fish all week and expect yourself to be in prime bike riding shape for an initial spin upon your return
11) Do consider not going on vacation again without him (unless, of course, your Doppelganger invites you to Vegas again) 😉
12) Do suck up all the ‘I miss yous’ and ‘I can’t wait to see yous’ and the ‘this is the longest week evers’ that he sends 😉
13) DO accept his invitation to go to Vegas with him for his company X-Mas trip the following month
14) DO disregard everything that I, and everyone else, tells you and do whatever feels right!

So yes, my friends, I am home.  Actually I’m on a flight home.  Soon to see TD, and then to figure out what the hell an internet dating blogger is going to blog about when not actually internet dating………

I can’t wait to catch up on all that I’ve missed in your lives!!!


15 Responses to “How Not To Time A Vacation”

  1. Brenda Says:

    Blogs were meant to be every evolving. Keeps your readers on their toes and interested. Hell I have readers who visit just to see what my new header or theme is! 🙂 Good luck with the new beau!

  2. Can’t wait to hear of the new adventures that you have, regardless of your relationship status 🙂 You always make me giggle..

  3. I have no doubt you’ll find something to write about that’ll keep us entertained! As the above comment states…. starting with the new adventures of dating TD 🙂

  4. ifUseekAmy Says:

    Welcome back!

    You’ll write about all the GOOD things now! I’ll pick up the slack on dating mis-adventures… 😉

  5. stevesw Says:

    Welcome back. As for the blog, ‘sex positions on Tuesdays’ is a good topic…or maybe ‘sheets I’ve been on top of’ (vice under) 🙂

  6. silly_G Says:

    Welcome back! Looking forward to reading the next adventure… life isn’t all about dating ;D

  7. JaneDoePhx Says:

    I missed you, Grey!!! Hoping to see you soon, SOOOO glad you are happy. I actually used the time you were cruising to catch up. OH MY! And let me be the first to say….from way back then…I spotted TD as the one for you….xoxoxox love you and miss you, my friend!

    • Jane!!! We absolutely have to get together for cocktails (many) and catch up! I do hope TD ends up being the one for me. Actually I KNOW that he is; it’s just a matter of convincing him that I’M the one for him 😉

  8. […] a continuation of the learning programs that I offer such as How Not To Time A Vacation , How To Date A Douchebag Online, How To Scare A Man Away In 3 Dates or Less and the ever popular […]

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