In conjunction with my fieldwork on ‘how not to meet a man’, ‘how to scare a man away in 10 easy steps (or less)’ and everyone’s favorite ‘how to date every douchebag online’, I bring you my latest work. How not to time a vacation. 😦 As easy to follow bullet points are good for a lesson like this, that’s what I’ll do.
As I’ve already gone over to process on the incorrect steps to take to meet and date a man, I will skip over that part. Once said bachelor is snagged, I would suggest the following:
1) Do not leave for 8 days a scant 5 days after he decides he wants a relationship with you
2) Do not see him for an extended makeout session before leaving town
3) Do not board a ship with lots of single drunk men
4) Do not have the whole ‘angel/devil’ debate on how to act while away
5) Do not kid yourself that the the whole ‘what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas’ mentality applies to anywhere in the world
6) DO realize your limitations and stick to chatting up women and couples only
7) Do not convince yourself that you are going to make him regret waiting so long for deciding that he wants you instead of the other internet skanks by not contacting him all week
8.) If, and let’s be honest here, when you ignore #7, do not proceed to text with him throughout the entire week
9) If ignoring both 7 and 8, do not expect your Cel phone bill to be any less than $300 😦
10) Do not eat like a pig and drink like a fish all week and expect yourself to be in prime bike riding shape for an initial spin upon your return
11) Do consider not going on vacation again without him (unless, of course, your Doppelganger invites you to Vegas again) 😉
12) Do suck up all the ‘I miss yous’ and ‘I can’t wait to see yous’ and the ‘this is the longest week evers’ that he sends 😉
13) DO accept his invitation to go to Vegas with him for his company X-Mas trip the following month
14) DO disregard everything that I, and everyone else, tells you and do whatever feels right!
So yes, my friends, I am home. Actually I’m on a flight home. Soon to see TD, and then to figure out what the hell an internet dating blogger is going to blog about when not actually internet dating………
I can’t wait to catch up on all that I’ve missed in your lives!!!