So I had the brilliant idea of having kids. Okay, not really, we all know that proverbial ship has sailed. I did have the stellar idea to have a TD free week though. A week in which I would make up all sorts of lame excuses to not go over there and see him or his kids. That lasted 2 days. Yeah, I know, I’m lame. Whatever. So par for the course, I saw him on Tuesday and Thursday and last night. Oh, and I’ll see him tomorrow as well. He’s had his kids all week, so of course I’ve been hanging with them too. TD has been kinda, er, touchy lately. No, I don’t mean in a getting his nose bent out of shape kinda way, but rather in a hold my hand, play with my hair, rub my shoulders kinda way. While I will be the first to admit that I love that shit, I will also be the first to admit that I am not letting him know that nor am I returning the gestures. ‘Cause I’m a bitch and god forbid he
knows thinks that I’m still holding out hope. Which I am am not. Anyway, I decide there is no need to try to ‘clarify’ anything. Or push any boundaries. Or let him know that I’m kinda liking what’s going on. I figure I’ll just let it run it’s course and I can tell he’s rethinking his decision. I also know he’s still not ready for any sort of a serious relationship (although we sorta have one, just not physical – dammit).
So we’re at his son’s basketball game last night with his daughter and ex-wife. Awkward much? Nah, that’s nothing compared to the fact that he keeps holding my hand and rubbing my arm and whispering in my ear. Uhm, okay. Anyway, game ends, all is good, and he, I and his daughter go out to eat. And he keeps up with the touchy feely stuff. Uhmkay. And then we get back to his house and his son comes home and his daughter has 2 friends over. We’re all upstairs screwing around and then decide to watch a movie. Where the 7 of us decide it would be a brilliant idea to all squish onto the couch together. Of course, TD and I are on the end and sorta intertwined (only to conserve space, ya know). The kids are all right there, so pretty much I just have my head on his shoulder and my hand on his chest. Movie starts and TD starts playing with my hair and rubbing my shoulders and arm again. Uhm, yeah. I’m not doing a damn thing as there are 5 kids right next to us and hello? We’re ‘just friends’, right? Well about 20 minutes into the movie, one of his daughter’s friends busts out with the stellar question of ‘Uhm, so are you two dating or not? No one seems to know’. Aside from being absolutely mortified as I’m positive TD has explained things to his kids, I’m also recognizing how much of a ‘grey area’ our ‘friendship’ appears to be. Being the picture of maturity I start laughing hysterically and tell TD that he’s welcome to answer that question.
Damn kids. I was just fine going with the flow and seeing what eventually happens, but no, the awesome question blurting results in a two hour long conversation between TD and I in the driveway as I’m trying to leave. Has it clarified what’s going on? Not really. Has it clarified a couple of things that I was wondering about? Yes, it did. Has it enabled me to decide what the hell it is I’m doing and what I need to do? No, not really. I did tell him I was thinking of putting my profile back up on Match though and wanted to know how he felt about that. His response was kind of surprising. Although he doesn’t want me to date and possibly find someone else (obviously he hasn’t been reading my blog to see how stellar my luck has been so far) and he does want me to be there as an option for him when he gets his shit figured out, he also knows how amazingly selfish and unfair that would be of him to ask, so didn’t. And wouldn’t. But I know it’s what he wants. And honestly, what I want. But even I’m not that stupid to pin all my hopes on the possibility of maybe……….