43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

What $698.34 Can And Cannot Buy December 14, 2011

Filed under: bad dates,dating,internet dating,online dating,single — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 6:51 pm

Let’s start with the positives, shall we?  That is, if there is a positive to having to spend that much money due to some psycopath’s need to get back at her ex boyfriend via my vehicle, but I digress.

$698.34 CAN buy:

1) A car repair so that I am not reminded of the stupid bitch and her straight edge weilding number on my car every time I need to open the back (which is no less than 20 times a day)

2) A loaner car from the dealership in the absolute ugliest shade of green I have ever seen.  I joked about not getting an avocado green loaner and I swear to god, that would be much prefered.  I don’t even know if there is a name for the shade it is.  The closest I can come to describing it is the color that a cut open avocado turns when not covered properly.  Pretty much a shit green color.  Eh, it’s ‘free’.

3) The ability to learn how a keyless car works.  Crazy!  Just push a button and it starts.  I swear, I’m so old school (and moronic) I almost did a happy dance when they showed me how to use it.  Complete with astonished looks from them at what a technological moron I am.

4) A reason to stop by someone’s place of work after dropping my car off that just so happens to be right near my dealership while wearing an awesome new skirt in a size I haven’t been able to wear since college.

What $698.34 CANNOT buy/undo/erase:

1) The memory of the psycho that will forever live next door to TD

2) The realization that shitty people do shitty things to non shitty people all the time and that there is nothing you can do about it

3) The visual of that stupid bitch putting up x-mas lights 2 weeks ago, when it was gloomy and in the low 60s while wearing short shorts and a bikini top (can you say whore?)

4) The knowledge that she will forever be a part of TD’s life, in one way, shape or form (most likely as a bad dream; or case of never ending indigestion)

5) The ability to return TD to the secure and confident man that he should be before she beat him down to nothing so that I would have a shot based on my own merits

You better be damn sure that if anything else happens to my car while I’m over there, whether I ‘know’ it’s her or not, that I will march my happy ass over to her house and let her have it.  She may be skinnier, prettier and stronger than I am, but I am quite positive that I will be able to reduce her to tears with what I’d like to tell her.  And then maybe I’ll smack the smug smirk that I can only assume she’d give me while claiming innocence off her face.  And run away really fast. 😉

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2 Responses to “What $698.34 Can And Cannot Buy”

  1. Um, you do know that I’m meaner and completely unrelated to the situation. Just saying……

  2. […] back home and into the arms of the man who will dump me in 3 days because he’s not over his psycho-key-weilding-next-door-neighbor-ex.  Uhm, what?  I think I deserve a great vacation after that […]


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