Hello, most of you know me as Grey. Or Grey Goose. Or Grey Goose Dirty. Some of you know my ‘real’ identity and call me by my given name. I’m sure others of you have more, er, colorful names that you enjoy calling me. Really though, I should change my name to Murphy. As in Murphy’s Law as I am absolutely convinced that I am the living, breathing embodiment of this lovely concept. For those of you that aren’t familiar, Murphy’s Law is the sad reality of whatever can go wrong will go wrong. I’ve always been this way. I don’t let it get to me any more. I even warn people about it up front. If something could possibly go wrong, even if it’s only a 1 in a million occurence, it will happen to me. No, really, it will. I’ve had ladders collapse when I’m on them. I’ve had pigeons relieve themselves on me. I’ve had light bulbs explode in my hand. I’ve been electrocuted, run into by a lovely geriatric in her ‘mobility cart’ or whatever the fuck that damn thing is called. I’ve cut myself on blunt objects. I’ve poked myself in the eye with door frames (figure that one out). I’ve slammed my hand in a car door. I’ve tripped over absolutely nothing. I’ve gotten a pencil eraser stuck in my ear (okay, granted I was 7 at the time and kinda did it on purpose, but whatever). I’m always in the checkout line where the cashier needs change or has to replace the register tape just as it’s my turn. That is, after the last remaining person on earth who actually writes out a check for their transaction gets done in front of me. When there is even the slightest possibility of something going wrong when I’m involved, it will. And today was no different.
So I took my awesomely keyed car into the dealership yesterday and they presented me with a brand new 2012 putrid green, push button start loaner car with just 9 miles on it. Yey me. Until I was at 7-11 today and kinda felt like actually leaving. My awesome loaner car had other ideas, however. What ensued was a fabu comedy of Murphy’s Law starring me. Of course TD was out of town today. So I call my ex and he sends me to voicemail (WTF?!?). I call 2 of my co-workers and can’t get ahold of either of them. I finally admit defeat and call the dealership who after a rousing game of ‘please hold, let me transfer you’, finally decided to send someone out to rescue me. 30 minutes later, my knight in shining dealer car arrives to see what’s wrong and announced that it’s the battery. Uh, really? I had put exactly 22 miles on that fucker since yesterday. Apparently these awesome push button start/stop cars aren’t so awesome as they sometimes don’t actually turn off. You think the car is off, but the car itself opts to keep all the auxiliary shit running in order to drain the battery and leave you stranded at random convenience stores.
After 45 minutes and about 32 different attempts to jump start the car, my now rusted knights calls the dealership to have someone come get me. Not to bring me another car so I can just be on my way, mind you, but to come pick me up, schlep me back to the dealership and then I can get another car. Another 30 minutes passes and as my ride is pulling into the parking lot, the stupid putrid green thing starts. I hop in, drive it to the dealership where I am assured there is a nice, old-school, key ignition loaner ready and waiting for me. And it was! It was a pretty silver color, had 7 miles on it, and not one ounce of gas in it. Uhm ………
They’re all damn lucky they caught me in a good mood today as instead of joking that they better watch out if I can’t even make it across the street for gas, I could have just gone all postal on them. But I didn’t. 😉 I just want to know who’s giving me back those 2 hours out of my life from today? I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings!