43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

What a Difference A Day Makes January 1, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:45 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

Or would that be ‘what a difference a year makes’ since it happened after midnight on New Year’s Eve?   Eh, potato, potahto.  I was planning on sharing about my evening with TD on Thursday when he slept over in this post.  Nope, no bike ride.  Really not even anything all that inappropriate as he had shorts on (that stayed on, thank you very much) and I was properly covered as well (no, not the dreaded lime green panties either).  To be clear though, nothing that transpired was inappropriate unless it’s between 2 people when one of them truly believes the other is ‘just a friend’.  And the other doesn’t.  Kinda moot, as I won’t be making that post today anyway.  I’m going to skip ahead and share my NYE with everyone.  Yey you.

When I got to TD’s house I could immediately tell something was ‘off’.  It’s a weird ability of mine to be able to read people when they think I can’t.  Anyway, I had texted Click those very concerns as soon as I got there.  Couldn’t figure out what it was though, so put the thought to the back of my mind.  We went out and had a great time.  It’s when we got back to his house that the real fun (translation: not much fun) started.

We watched the ball drop in Times Square.  I almost missed the countdown as my watch was slow, but made it back into the family room in time.  We watched everyone scream happy new year while in my head I screamed ‘you better kiss me as I want to test out that theory that if you get a kiss on NYE your love life won’t suck wind all year’.  Luckily he gave me a kiss.  Not the kiss I was hoping for, but whatever.  It just remains to be seen if that theory holds water.

We started to watch a movie and then went to bed.  I had on sexy plaid pjs.  By sexy, I mean, not so sexy.  He laid on the far side of the bed and I rolled over to face the other way.  As I can never leave well enough alone, I asked him one simple question.  ‘What’s wrong’?  There had been no hand holding, no arm rubbing, no playing with my hair.  Pretty much no signs of affection from him whatsoever the entire night.  No bueno.  He said he was uncomfortable with how far things had gone on Thursday night.  I didn’t really see it that way as although what did happen wouldn’t be all that appropriate between ‘friends’, as that’s not really what we are, there was absolutely nothing that transpired that was out of the ordinary.  If by ordinary I mean totally fucked up friendship with definite boundary issues.

Anyway, that whole conversation somehow grew into one about everything.  About how he can’t commit to me.  I never asked him to.  About how he’s not ready.  I know that.  About how he doesn’t think it’s fair to ‘string me along’.  Uhm, huh?  As we had just had a conversation similar to this one a few weeks prior, I was well aware that although he wasn’t ready to date (me or anyone), that when the time was right, that I would finally get my chance.   Apparently he doesn’t recall that.  And no longer feels that way.

Although he isn’t ready for any sort of physical relationship (I finally got him to admit that we actually do have a relationship, just not a physical one), that when he is, he needs to date around more.  He needs to make sure that he’s not ‘rushing into’ anything or choosing me because it’s ‘easy’.  Okay, I may be the most forgiving/naïve/retarded person ever, but if the man that I’m kinda sorta in love with tells me that he still needs to comparison shop after knowing me for almost 6 months before even thinking about giving us a chance,  it’s time for me to go.  Figuratively and literally.

An awesome (translation: horrible/humbling/spirit crushing) conversation followed for the next 3 hours.  All about his concerns.  All about his concerns about me.  All about his insecurities.  All about how he doesn’t want to make a mistake.  All about how he doesn’t want to hurt me.  All about how I deserve better.  All about how he still needs to work on his independence.  Uh, what?  How can the man think he’s working on that when we’re always together.  I know.  It’s because he’s using me as his crutch.  And it took me this long to finally admit it to myself.

I knew this day would come sooner or later.  I had just really hoped it would be later.  Much later.  As in the ‘never’ variety.  I may be a lot of things, but I am not someone’s crutch to be used until they get back on their feet and then decide to test the waters with others.  I can’t believe he still feels this way.  I can’t believe that he truly thinks that since things between us are so great and easy, that it can’t be right.  That it’s too easy.  That things need to be harder than they really need to be.  That he thinks there is someone out there better for he and his kids than I am.  I can’t do it again.  And I won’t.  And although I once told him that I would wait for him as I truly feel that he’s worth it, I can’t take that chance.  And I told him that.  And then I came home.  Crushed and heartbroken.  And minus one very amazing (regardless of what some you all, and he, thinks)’friend’.

I will now proceed to celebrate new year’s day not with the man that is capable of making me so very happy and laughing and watching football and snuggling in front of the fire and waiting for his kids to come over and laughing some more and having fun and knowing how grateful I am to have them all in my life.  Nope, instead I will be eating the entire contents of my refrigerator.  And freezer.  And well stocked pantry.  Happy 2012. 😦

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13 Responses to “What a Difference A Day Makes”

  1. Serena Says:

    Happy 2012 GG……turn that frown into a smile and start the year off right. You did the right thing with TD. He’s too emotionally unstable for you, and you deserve WAY MORE than that. I mean, c’mon….

    Please don’t eat the contents of your kitchen because shopping when you’re depressed sucks, lol….and you’ll have to restock if you do that.

    We all know that within a day or so he’s going to be calling or texting you again….before you respond, come here and get a reality check from us…..he’s going to keep you on this yo-yo crutch for as long as he can. DON’T DO IT!! I think he’s wasted too much of your valuable time as it is….and there is someone more worthy of it out there. You just have to focus on anything un-TD-related, and you will find him.

    Damn girl, really…..I hope 2012 gives him a great big slap of reality. How messed up to play with you like this. Ugh!

    I feel like raiding my pantry simply because I feel your pain. 😉

    *hugs*

  2. Hang in. Go for a long walk first, then eat the contents of your fridge.

  3. Isobel Says:

    Ouch! Do NOT eat the contents of your Fridge/Freezer! As Serena said, shopping when depressed ONLY leads to disaster. Also, being cut loose means the hard part is STAYING loose. 2012 is a new year make it count and learn from TD.

  4. TikkTok Says:

    DISLIKE!!! BOOOOOOO {throwing eggs at TD, hoping they might knock some sense into him} I totally feel your aggravation. {{{hugs}}}}

  5. stevesw Says:

    You are too good for him. Next time he calls and ‘needs you,’ look at it with open eyes and don’t believe he is the one who was taken advantage of in his list of prior relationshipS. Sure he has some good points…however, maybe his best point is playing you. As for the crazy Ex, maybe they were two peas in the pod; she keys your car, and he keys your heart!

    • Thanks Steve. He’s already called today and wanted to come over and talk. I said ‘no’. Although I’ll never believe that he’s done any of this to intentionally hurt me, I am seeing a pattern 😦

  6. Kat Richter Says:

    A few days late but GOOD for you!!! I know it feels sucky and if you’re anything like me, you’re probably trying to rationalize things by telling yourself that your friends and your blog readers who tell you to cut and run don’t know the WHOLE story because you don’t always post everything but this man has been making you miserable for months! (Kind of like Date #7 on my part but I was too dumb to see this for a while… Here’s to a much better 2012!

  7. […] times already that I am done with him.  The 1st time being back in October followed by the awesome New Year’s Eve Debacle, the great Valentine’s Week fiasco and finally, Wednesday.  I swear, I make myself sick […]


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