Bitter, jaded, snarky, judgmental, picky and tall. That should have the
shitbags bachelors online tripping over themselves to contact me, right? I’ve kicked around the idea of putting a new profile up on Match. I totally deleted my old one. Although I loved it and thought it was a great one, it didn’t seem to bring me much luck, so I’m going to create a new one from scratch. Only I seem to be, for one of the few times ever, at a loss for words. I’m a good catch, truly I am (aside from the shitty outlook these days, paranoia and neurotic fits ~ but tall and blonde counterbalances all of that, right?). I’ve just allowed my confidence to be sabotaged by others. Namely the nicest man I know. Quite the contradiction, right? The man that, to this day, although I try to convince myself that I hate, I consider one of the best people I have ever met, did more to damage my self confidence in the past few months than more than 2 years of online dating every douchebag in town has done. Awesome.
I’d love to be able to say that I know what I’m looking for, but apparently I don’t. I know what I’ve found in the past and probably need to NOT do that again, but is it really so difficult to find an honest, forthright man who knows how to spell and doesn’t stare at me blankly when I say something sarcastic? Someone who knows how they feel about me and is willing to admit it (if only to himself)? Someone who doesn’t use text as a primary mode of communication? Someone who doesn’t make me 2nd guess every single thing I do? Oh wait, that’s my bad, not theirs…….
I’ve been doing well, really I have. Work has been good. Friends have been good. Not moping around has been good. Funny how all of that can change with one slip of the tongue. TD called me today. We have spoken intermittently (yes, I know, I’m an idiot) and we actually went to dinner on Saturday. I assumed he was going to tell me that he’d met someone and how happy they were *barf*, but that’s not what happened. We just had a fun time. Like we always had. So I had to keep repeating in my head ‘he’s a stupid idiot for not choosing you and you can do better’ (which I know to be true) along with some other more colorful things so that I wouldn’t look at him and feel bad and ya’ know what? It worked! 🙂 Yey me! Too bad he fucked that all up today. I always know when he’s blue, so I asked him what was wrong. And he told me. And part of what he told me was how rude and disrespectful some online daters are. Uh, really?!? I shouldn’t have, but I asked him what he meant as I thought that was more constructive than just laughing at him and ya’ know what he did? He told me. He told me this: ‘it’s so frustrating to go out with someone and have a fantastic time and think they’re great and be excited about seeing them again and then have them not respond to you again’. Uhm………….. I’m no dummy and know he’s out dating. And potentially finding ‘the one’, but do I really want to hear about women that he’s ‘totally excited about’? Not so much. Of course I went totally silent as I always do when he sticks his size 57 foot in his mouth. He asked me what was wrong and I told him. And he denied saying he’d met anyone that he was excited about. I corrected him on that point and he apologized and awkwardly said he needed to go. I honestly don’t think he meant to say what he did and felt like a shit for doing so, but the fact remains that he did. I don’t go out of my way to tell him about my
faux, nonexistent dates or who I’m seeing, so why would he mention it to me?
In one lovely slip of the tongue, my great day kinda went to shit. I thought I was further along with this than I apparently am. Huh.
So back to my online profile. Although some have suggested that I need to take a longer break from dating, I can’t help but argue that I’ll never find my ‘one’ if I stop looking. I have a profile up on OkStupid that I look at so seldom that I have to refer to a little sticky-do on my computer in order to remember my log on information. And I hid my profile on Plenty of Fuckwads today too. Huh, maybe I’m not ready to date again yet. Really though? Won’t finding someone new help to erase the old? Too bad no one holds any interest for me. Shit. I may need some help with this profile authoring. Anyone want to volunteer to ghost write for me? While you’re at it, maybe you could post something witty and entertaining on my blog 😉