43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

“I Love You Man” …….. The Art Of Drunk Dialing March 28, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 4:18 pm
Tags: , , , ,

I just know you’re already shaking your heads wondering what the hell I’ve done now to reinforce my lack of willpower and remind everyone of my complete and utter lameness.  Well, sorry to disappoint.  I was the recipient of the drunk dialing, not the perpetrator!  Yey me!  Oh sorry, I’ll wait while you all pick yourselves up off of the floor.

So I admitted that TD hurt my feelings yesterday.  I know, no big newsflash there.  Apparently he knows he hurt my feelings as well.  How do I know this?  Well that, my friends is because I received a phone call around 8pm last night.  A somewhat slurry phone call, to be specific.  I know that when he is upset about something that he’s done or something that’s been done to him, he has a drink.  Or 3.  Not my favorite quality about him, but as he’s a total lightweight anyway, I never know if he was on a binge, or just had 2.  Regardless he called to ‘chat’.  And tell me what an amazing person I am.  And how much I mean to him.  And how I am the best friend he’s ever had.  And how friends are the most important thing.  And how wonderful I am.  And how great I am with his kids.  And about 527 other things that I’d love to hear when he’s actually sober and would remember saying them.  Although he stopped short of the classic ‘I love you man’ (thanks Bud Light) he kinda rambled for a while.  All exceptionally complimentary things.  Then he said that he hoped I’d be able to join them at their vacation house in Tahoe this summer.  Uhm……no.  Sure, him, his kids, his new girlfriend, me, my nonexistent faux boyfriend and all of our boundary issues.  Sounds fun, right?

Anyway, you can all be proud of me.  No really, you can.  ‘Cause each and every time he said something effusively nice to me I responded with ‘thank you’ and didn’t do my usual overemotional, overanalytical, overthinking word vomit in return.  🙂 Look who’s learning to ignore empty compliments (even though I know he means them).

Damn, I’d really like to go to Tahoe though ………….. but I guess I can go when I get a real, non faux boyfriend to go with ………. when I’m 90.  Just me and and oxygen tank. 😦


12 Responses to ““I Love You Man” …….. The Art Of Drunk Dialing”

  1. Dan C Says:

    I know you have heard this a thousand times, but I will say it again. You need to leave this clown alone, as long as he is in the picture not only will you have a more difficult time truly moving on, but more important any new guy that comes into the picture will get scared off.

    I was that clown for a couple of (awesome) girls in my own past and Dating Karma decided to pay me back. :o( I have the female equivelant of a “TD” in my own life and have failed more times than I care to admit to follow the very, very good advice given to me by well meaning friends and family. So I thought I would share. I feel your pain…

    • Thanks Dan. I’m really trying. And normally I would leave him in the dust like all the rest. I know in the end that I’m not his ‘one’ and he’ll end up with someone else. I really do understand this, I just can’t quite seem to tell him to completely f*ck off though. I would love, love, love to meet a man that makes me go ‘TD who?’, but I think I’ve dated everyone decent (or shitty) in my town already 😦

      Interesting that you’ve done this before. At the time, did you intentionally know you were stringing these women along or did you honestly think you were just being ‘a good friend’?

      • Dan C Says:

        “Interesting that you’ve done this before. At the time, did you intentionally know you were stringing these women along or did you honestly think you were just being ‘a good friend’?”

        Well Hindsight being 20/20 I probably thought that I was being a good friend, but really I think deep down that would give me more credit than deserved. I just was not thinking about the others feelings at the time. It was about me in that moment getting what I wanted. It took a lot of growing and maturing. I was a young, successful man who had the world at his fingertips. I thought there would be someone better at every turn, and for awhile there was.

        Ironic that I had more “success” with women being careless. Now that I want that “serious” committed relationship and would like to “settle down” I am having the worst time. Dating Karma? or does the shift in my thinking make me less attractive? Do women really want tame? or are they genetically attracted to guys that ignore them.(bad boys?) Do we really want what we cant have? How is that a benefit from an evolutionary standpoint for either Man or woman?

        As far as TD goes, I dont think he will have the revelation of “what he is missing out on” until it is waay too late, Every time you give in and see him or talk to him, you further reinforce the fact that he can have you anytime he wants, and thats no fun. If your going to talk to him dont hold back that your dating other guys and make sure you tell him when your real excited about a new prospect. After all “friends can talk about anything” and if this is going to be healthy its good practice.

        • HIndisght is always 20/20 Dan and yes, I do believe in Karma, so you and I both are probably paying for all the fun we had in our younger days :-).

          I am by no means making excuses for him, but he’s the 1st to tell me to distance myself from him right now; that he’s no good for me right now. It’s all me staying. He would respect whatever I wanted and if I were to put my foot down and tell him not to contact me, I don’t think he would. But I don’t. And I know I need to. I will make myself less accessible though and you can be damn sure I’ll let him know about ALL of my dates. Even the real ones 😉

  2. everevie Says:

    I agree with Dan about you having a more difficult time while TD is in the picture. (Although I wouldn’t call him a clown…b/c I think TD is a nice man.)

    But…I had a BRILLIANT idea!! Or stupid, maybe. But, when I had it…it “felt” brilliant.

    So…anyhow…I should share my idea now, huh? Okay…I will:

    You should ask TD if he has any friends he can set you up with. Lol.

    Not that you will be serious about it. But I think asking him could easily shake him up. Especially if he does set you up…and you DO go out.


    I hate games…but at this point….fuck it!!!!

    • Ahh Evie, if only he had single friends. And I was a game player. I don’t think TD is completely ‘in the picture’ and I don’t think it would deter me from meeting someone else. I just can’t seem to find that someone else……….. 😉

  3. 1smiles Says:

    There are some unfortunate realities about the mating game. Here’s my take on your situation with TD. I think this man wants you. And this space is allowing him to realize just how much. The key word here being SPACE.

    His drunk chat was probably all true. So now that you know that. Let him marinate in his truth for a while. Be less available. Be less eager. Be less. Because less is what he wanted.

    Before his ‘let’s be friends’ routine… You had proudly perched yourself upon a silver platter and served yourself up to him. And he waved his hand and chose to let you go. (Not because he doesn’t want you in his life.. but becasue he is afraid of what he feels for you.) Fear. And he must work his own way through his fears in order to reach out for you.

    You can’t help him be less afraid.

    Loving someone is such a risky venture. His fear of losing you has to be greater than his fear of loving you. You deserve a man who will walk one step farther into his fear to reach for you.
    I believe that TD is close to this.

    You also have some risk here too… you have to risk losing him, by letting him have the space he needs to face his fear. He will either take that step or not. But you’re ‘being there’ every time he extends his little finger will not help him take that step toward you. It will keep him standing exactly where he is. Because his little finger when extended.. finds you there every single time.

    And what’s worse, is that you will be exactly where you are a year from now. Still hoping he’ll choose you.

    I learned this hard lesson not all that long ago. I was scared spitless. This position triggered all of my greatest fears. I had to face them.. just as you will. And as TD does as well.
    The end result of my situation.. is that I faced those fears.. and my special someone faced his. He took that step. And now we’ve both found exactly what we’ve been looking for our whole lives.

    In order to achieve great things, we must be willing to risk great things. (I believe that Robert F. Kennedy spoke those words. Maybe it was Charlie Brown.. but either way… a great man!)

    • everevie Says:

      Wow…1smiles…that’s some really, really good advice.

      • 1smiles Says:

        Thank you. It was a scary lesson learned for me. I’ve done it the other way every single time and each of those relationships flopped at some point. Because I was trying to fix it for them to make it easy for them to love me. But what I wanted was for someone to see as much value in loving me as I do. To be willing to face their fears and take that step toward me.

        It wasn’t until I decided to do it differently, that I got a different result.

        • “he needs to face his fear. He will either take that step or not. But you’re ‘being there’ every time he extends his little finger will not help him take that step toward you. It will keep him standing exactly where he is.”

          Thanks so much Smiles. You’re right (and very brave) and I will do my best to stop being there for him always. Everything you said is so true regarding how my being there is NOT helping him. Or more importantly me. I’m so happy that things worked out for you and your special someone. Lesson to be learned there ……. I used to be an excellent student ….. let’s see if I still am


          • 1smiles Says:

            There are so many hurdles in relationships. And we made it through that one. it was painful and messy for both of us to face our fears and insecurities. We talked and talked and almost broke up a couple of times. But we finally reached the other side.

            Take your time.. you have all the time you need to get it right. There is one interference I ran into though. That was my loving and well-meaning friends. Their opinions and ‘what they would do in my situation’, had absolutely nothing to do with me. Their advice and opinions were all about their stuff. So shut out all of the noise from your friends and learn to trust to yourself. You know better than anyone else what is right for you. If TD is right for you.. he’ll make that clear.
            In the meantime, go fill your life with your dreams. Think big, reach high and go for it! Besides, it will be good for TD to watch you moving on to do wonderful things.

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