I would love to regale you all with stories of my
horrific amazing internet dates, but I haven’t actually been on any. No need to point out that it’s Friday night and I’m home. Alone. Boo. As a little consolation prize I am going to bring back one of my favorite things. Looking through the search terms that bring people to my awesome(ly boring) little blog. Some are funny, some are appropriate and some are just wrong. Please to enjoy:
sorry for drunk calling – uhm, I don’t actually drunk call, but I am getting pretty awesome at sending texts to the wrong people after a rousing night of cocktails
quotes about trying to change someone – sorry, it can’t be done. stop trying.
kind hearted woman tattoo – no clue what that is
jewish christenings – uhm, I think those two are mutually exclusive?
not looking right tattoo – yes, i know, my tattoo is a bit wonky but whatever
i hate internet dating – join the club
single at 43 what are my chances – hmmmm, if your using me as a ruler, then not very good 😦
worst person to drunk dial – your mother?
43 never married – well aware, thank you
alpha male vibe – haha, if they claim to be ‘alpha male’ just know that’s code for ‘i’m a big pussy’
lovely dinner invitation – not familiar with this one 😉
43 and single; now what? – invest in copious amounts of vodk
why do guys say ‘he’s a lucky man’ – uhm, because they have the hots for his wife?
‘he’s the one’ i can just feel it – yey for you, now fuck off
things bound to happen 2012 – oh gee, i could go in so many different directions with this one
the drunk i love you guy – how about the ever elusive sober i love you guy?
chemistry sucks – haha, the dating site, the one with the periodic table of elements or the stuff you’re supposed to feel with someone you’re attracted to?
how do i tell my friends that i have been internet dating – uhm, how about ‘i have been internet dating’
grey goose bad for your health – bite your tongue!
i am 43 and single – thanks for reminding me
dirty screen names list – i can only imagine how long this list is
online dating guy seemed so normal – i’m sure it was just an act
it’s bound to happen sooner or later – hell freezing over or finding a great guy online?
we’ll talk soon – no, you won’t
bitch reason – uh, because I am?
home depot inter dating – is this a site for lesbians and guys who like to work with their hands?
i don’t want my match subscription cancelled – why the hell not?
why did he ask me what i was wearing – because he’s a perv; next he will send you a pic of his wee willy winky
he took his photo off the dating site whilst chatting to me now he has put it back on – uhm, yeah ……. his wife probably came home unexpectedly
what does ‘im me now’ mean – it means they’re a perv
i have sprained my arm – ewwwwww
be my pimp – really? when you can keep all the money for yourself? why?
online dating is shitty – whaaaaa?!?!?!
old man teasing me – i just got a horrific mental image on this one
6’5 surrey male swinger – no clue why this one landed them here, but I wish him the best of luck!
And that’s the end of that my friends. I am now off to finish my laundry and my vodka lemonade before attempting to learn about 487 sailing terms that I am supposed to know by 10am tomorrow.