Oh hell no, not for me! What? Are you new here? It seems like everyone I know in town is presently in love. Yey. Am I happy for them? The part that I wish was more prevalent right now wants to say hell yes I am. Good for you for finding love and being all sickenlingly happy. You know what part of me is winning out though? The one that wants to stab them all in the eye with a fork and shove one of those adorable teddy bears that hold a heart inscribed with ‘I wuv you’ right down their throats. Okay, not really, but you get the idea.
What the hell people? I have ‘met’ exactly zero decent guys since I’ve been back on Match (all of approximately 10 days). I’ll go that one further by saying that I’ve been contacted by zero decent guys since then. Sure, they may be decent in truth, but just not decent for me and it’s all about me, right? I’ve been watching that questionable VH1 show ‘Tough Love’ and the last episode was regarding online dating profiles. Ahhh, finally something I can use from those train wrecks. Know what I learned? That guys probably don’t even read my profile (duh), they may see my picture and get a little happy but then they’ll read that I’m 44 and never been married and automatically click off. Why? ‘Cause they all assume I have either ‘issues’ or am high maintenance or that basically there’s just something wrong with me.
How else could a fairly decent looking woman go 44 years and never get married? They won’t consider that I’ve been working on my career. That I’ve been dating ‘the wrong guys’. That although I haven’t been married, I’ve been in long-term relationships. They won’t consider that maybe it’s a combination of bad guys, bad decisions, bad timing and a lot of wasted effort? Nope, they just figure I’m not worth the effort. Awesome. I could always go the route of 80% of the online dating population and just lie, saying that I’m divorced so that I’ll at least come up in more searches, but let’s face it. I’m in the 20% minority that is honest in my profile. I don’t lie about my age, my marital status, my height, my weight, my pictures or even the fact that I can (and do) trip over absolutely nothing all the time. That’s just me. Why lie? Oh wait…………….
What has brought on this wonderful bout of cynicism and bitterness you ask? Always being around couples! Happy ones, sad one, old ones, young ones, new ones, ones that have been together forever. Ugh. Enough already! Do you think there is such a thing as mail order groom? Okay not a groom as I don’t need to be married. And not foreign as I only speak English fluently. And must be able to financially support himself (hell, if I’m going to support someone, he better be damn fine in every regard). Eh, maybe I just need a good ole’ cock……….tail at happy hour! 🙂
Oh and no, I obviously didn’t fall of the boat learning how to sail this weekend. I did smash my head on the boom once (that swingy bar thingie that holds up the big sail) and did get to spend some quality time with TD and listen to him lamenting his love life (he really is a moron sometimes), but more on both of these things later. Today is all about me being bitter and jaded and pissed and jealous. I just love Mondays……….. you’re welcome.