The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Where Is Gene Rayburn When You Need Him? April 24, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 7:44 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

Remember (those of you old enough) that awesome show ‘The Match Game’?  Well he was the host. plays their own version.  In a totally perverted and ‘fuck you’ sorta way, but still.  Those unfamiliar with may not know that they send you anywhere from 4-8 ‘daily matches’ that you need to log in to view and then you rate them a ‘yes’, ‘no’ or ‘maybe’.  If you’re all excited about one of them, you can even send them a note.  Whoopee!  Most of mine are ‘no’ or ‘maybe’.  Yey.  You can read their profiles without them knowing (’cause really, who wants to know who they’re being rejected by).  I have no real clue how they choose who is ‘my match’ because although I have read and fully understand the oh so complicated algorithms that they use to select these winners for me, if they really went by who I’ve exchanged the most messages with, they’d be sending me this lovely person’s profile each week. 😉

Anywhoo, I think I promised you all some stories from the weekend and my sailing lessons with TD.  All day Saturday and all day Sunday.  Followed by a wicked argument Saturday night, acting like nothing was wrong on Sunday and a great time sailing and going out to dinner afterwards on Sunday night.  I won’t go into specifics but it was a fairly passive aggressive weekend all the way around.  I pushed buttons (on purpose).  He pushed buttons.  He yelled.  I cried.  His son heard us.  😦 TD and I have never fought before.  We really have nothing to fight about.  Oh, aside from the fact that I’m kind of still in love with him and he’s in love with dating everyone in town.  Okay, not really, but the fact that he is dating says, well screams really, that I’m not the one and never will be.  As a matter of fact, as I will never be able to do it on my own apparently, mid fight I asked him to tell me to fuck off.  That I would never be the one for him.  That he needed to send me away and not look back because I apparently haven’t been able to totally do that yet.  And he wouldn’t.  He said he couldn’t.  That although he knows how selfish it is, that I’m just too important in his life.  I hate him more than a little bit for that.  It was an ugly weekend.  Alcohol induced, of course, but I saw a side of him that I really didn’t like.  He was mean.  On purpose.  Then again, I was being an uber bitch.  Yes, on purpose.

I asked him about his dating in an attempt to disgust myself enough to storm out.  He told me.  He’s dated about 5-6 women in the past 2 months.  I asked if he’s slept with any of them (yes, feel free to unsubscribe to my blog at any time now).  He told me no, but that he’d ‘come close’ with one.  One that he went out with 4 times.  And they ‘almost’ had sex on date #3.  I asked him what stopped them (hoping, like a ginormous moron to hear the words ‘I just couldn’t do that to you’) and he told me it was a matter of logistics.  Uhm, what the fuck does that mean?  Apparently they were in a car.  Yup, just like 2 horny teenagers.  Dumbass.  I laughed in his face and that set him off.  Good.  I know, before anyone tells me, that there is no way in hell that he’d be able to feel whatever feelings he had for this other person and ‘almost’ sleep with her if he was invested in me in the least.  I’m well aware, thank you.  In the end though, they went out one more time after that and then he ran away.  Afraid, once again, to be in a relationship.

Does it make me feel better that it’s apparently not just me that he doesn’t want to date?  Nope.  It doesn’t.  I feel bad for these women but hope they are smarter than I am and run away (far away) before they get further invested in him.  So he dated this one woman 4 times and another woman 3 times.  Nice.  I’ve dated no one.  Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE to date someone, it’s just that no one has asked.  Well, no one that I would even remotely consider as they are blatantly wrong for me; even as just a diversion.  There is nothing I would love more than to meet a man who makes me go ‘TD who?’.  I’m still looking, but apparently he’s hiding……

Anyway, after 3 days full of drama and tears (on both our parts) and just sort of letting things go once we sobered up, we are back to being what we were before.  Which is some sort of dysfunctional friendship.  No, we don’t see each other nearly as much as we used to nor do we even communicate a fraction as much.  For the record, I have NOT fooled around with him or slept with him in months and don’t allow him to even touch me.  I just haven’t actually told him to fuck off again.  Yet.  But I’m getting there.  He doesn’t deserve me.  It’s not his fault that I’m not his ‘one’.  It’s my fault for not fully acknowledging what his selfishness in keeping me as a friend is actually doing to my psyche.  I am disengaging again, but haven’t fully yet.  I really don’t want to end up hating him (or having him hate me), but it’s looking like that’s the only way I’m going to be able to do this.

Oh, so back to the title of this post.  Guess who Match sent me as one of my daily matches today?  No really, go ahead and guess………

You didn’t really want to hear about the actual sailing part, did you? 😉


8 Responses to “Where Is Gene Rayburn When You Need Him?”

  1. everevie Says:

    Heehee…you are actually the best looking Match-er I’ve communicated with. 😉

    Match has a wicked sense of humor….they sent you TD?? Bastards.

  2. I think, along with every other dating website can go straight to hell. Online dating is the pits. Thankfully, I met a great guy off of there, but the idiots I had to put up with in the meantime did me in.
    TD is a douche. One day he’ll realize what a great catch he missed out on.

  3. As you know, I’ve followed your relationship with TD for a long time.

    I don’t get it. I don’t understand why he really doesn’t tell you to fuck off (if you’re not the one for him), or stop trying to screw the rest of the city and make a relationship work with you. Truly, I mean the former only in the sense of: since he has NOT done this, there has to be something special between you.

    I have a favor to ask. Not of you. But one for you. Ask him to sit down with you and tell you 3 reasons why you’re not the one for him. Clearly he does it for you.

    If his list hurts, and it might, I don’t know what to say. Maybe that will help you get past him? I hesitate only because of this.

    If his list is bull-shit, call him on it. Say, “OK, I’ll stop swearing at other drivers, I’ll wear thongs all the time, and I’ll pretend your family is quite refined.”

    If his list has a true non-starter for him that is the real reason you’re not already together, maybe, just maybe, you and he have something you can work on. Together. I’m willing to bet you’d give a LOT of thought to accepting a change to something important if it *really* could resolve whatever it stopping the two of you from being a couple.

    Honestly, if you don’t resolve precisely and in detail the WHY of all this, I fear you’ll be banging your head on walls for months to come and achieve nothing useful. And you’ve already being doing that over him for a long time. I don’t like seeing you tormented like this. 😦

    • SD, I know you’re one of the few (2) that have stuck with me thru all of this and not thrown up your arms in frustration at me. I know you think he’s a good guy, as I do. I just think he’s so terrified of making a wrong decision that he truly sees nothing wrong with testing the waters and then seeing if it would work with me. I am tired of trying to talk him into me as that’s just kind of pathetic on my part, but I would love to know. He actually threw in a different argument the other night. I asked why he’s even kept me around as a friend if he has all these elusive ‘concerns’ and he said ‘well being friends with someone is different than living with them’. Uhm, so now he couldn’t live with me? We’ve vacationed together, stayed at each others’ homes, whatever. So stupid he is. We work really well together and there is nothing he could throw at me that would be a deal breaker. PLUS, who the hell talked about moving in together? We have only been out on one ‘real’ date (and about 527 happy hours, movie trips, dinners and day trips) 😉

      • everevie Says:

        Sean…I have to agree with Grey…because I’ve been in this position before. The only REAL issue is that TD has the “What If?” syndrome….in it’s simplest form, he’s afraid of: “What if he picks the wrong girl. Again.”…and no matter how frickin awesome Grey is…and how obviously RIGHT she is…he’s terrified…because he’s made bad choice and/or been fooled before.

        It’s really that simple. And it’s really that sad. And there really is nothing more Grey can do. TD has to figure this out by himself…without his favorite tall, blonde security blanket.

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