43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

And The Countdown Begins…………Again April 25, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 10:17 pm

I did it.  I just got back from TD’s and I told him.  I told him I just couldn’t do it anymore.  That although he has brought me so much happiness in the past, lately it has been more tears than smiles and I needed to look out for myself.  He agreed that I need to find my happiness again and suggested that I take some time away from him.  He has no idea that I meant forever and he wouldn’t listen to any of that part of things.  He knows he’s made me unhappy.  He knows he’s been selfish.  I guess it’s my turn to be selfish now.  He offered some ‘suggestions’ on how we can salvage our friendship.   We can’t.  At least not right now (and most likely ever).  I told him that I wanted it all.  Friendship just isn’t good enough.  Regardless of how it affects him or (sadly) his kids (whom I love dearly), I can’t keep kidding myself that I am able to handle things the way they are.  So we talked.  And talked.  And two hours later I drove away.  He thinks for a couple of weeks.  I think a hell of a lot longer than that.  I’m going to miss the hell out of him, but am actually feeling okay.  For now.  I have only broken down twice.  Once when pulling away from his house and just now.  When I deleted his contact information from my phone.  As anyone who relies solely on their cel knows, I have no clue what his phone number is; I just always look it up by his name.  And now that’s gone.  😦

I’ve asked him not to contact me.  That’s just the way it needs to be………..  Now would be a great time for everyone to tell me how awesome I am ’cause I kinda feel like shit.

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15 Responses to “And The Countdown Begins…………Again”

  1. Not because you asked but because it is very true. . . You ARE awesome. That’s why you needed to do this. That’s why it was right. You are so awesome and you DESERVE someone who knows and admits it to themselves every second, not just when it’s convenient, and treats you accordingly. Someone who realizes how lucky they are that you chose them. It’s not asking a lot, really.

    I am very sorry for the pain you are getting ready to travel through but when you come out on the other side I truly believe you will be so much happier, even though you probably can’t imagine that right now.

    I may not knw you personally, but hugs and positive, healing thoughts are sent your way. Always.

  2. kayakgirl104 Says:

    I love your blog – look forward to it actually. The funny thing is, I’ve been exactly where you are. 16 months ago we ended it and I deleted his information from my phone. So every day when he sends his random text to ‘check in’, there is no name attached, just a string of numbers. You can do this. Just be strong!

    You are amazing. You are talented, funny, intelligent and beautiful. He has lost out. And he knows it. You will get through this and be stringer and ready for love when it comes waltzing by again. Believe me I know. I too spent a pathetic amount of time on match and one day he arrived via a silly email. Just work on yourself for now- and when your next love comes along, you’ll be ready:)

  3. It’s tough to walk away from something you feel so strongly about but I do believe this friendship is horrible for you and your ability to move on. I firmly believe that you can’t be ‘friends’ with someone whom you have feelings for. It’s just not possible. There will always be that hope in the back of your mind that one day he’ll wake up and love you like you love him, and honestly…. if that were to ever happen, I don’t know that you’d actually want his love, seeing that you had to convince him to love you. Does that make sense?

    It’s just a bad situation all around. He’s shown that he’s selfish, and he continues to use you even though he’s hurting you. In my opinion… a true friend would never do that.

    I’m sorry girly… but once you just let him go…. I promise you’ll forget he ever existed. You derserve more, but you won’t be able to find it until you let go of this dead weight weighing you down.

  4. I agree with what the other commenters have told you. I’ve been in this situation too many times to count. It’s pathetic and I’m embarrassed to admit it. I’ve broken things off twice with a certain someone and he’s now back again (after 8 months). He’s still not committing or talking of a future. He just wants to take things one day at a time. We’re not having sex (my rules) but we do talk each day and he’s come up to see me twice now. It’s been a few months and still nothing has progressed. I don’t doubt his love but I do doubt that he’ll ever be ready to commit to a lifetime with ME. (I’ve known him 4 yrs now).
    I’ve recently told him that he will not be allowed at my house as I don’t wish to “hang out” with him or be “just friends” (cuz it’s not possible for me to be “just friends” with someone I love) and I don’t want to upset or confuse my son (17).
    Either he shits or gets off the pot, right? I’ve told him that I’m still in love with him but he claims he’s not “ready” for a commitment.
    I could still be here a year from now waiting. I’m not going to. I got off the pot (because he couldn’t/wouldn’t). It was hard.
    You’ve done what’s best for YOU. You deserve an award for making a decision which supports YOU instead of offering an ultimatum. KUDOS my friend.
    We are both in the same boat so I understand your pain and heartache.
    Be strong and move forward. Baby steps……….

  5. ifUseekAmy Says:

    I will ALWAYS think you’re awesome….’nuff said. You’re gonna miss him like crazy and you’re gonna be having major sads, but it gets easier and better, I promise.

  6. everevie Says:

    Hi Friend…I really hate telling adults that I’m “proud” of them…it feels so condescending somehow…but in this instance, i can’t really think of another word that really fits.

    Like many of your commenters…and like you…I’ve been in this very same position before…and I too had to walk away. It’s hard as hell to let go of someone who has been a daily part of your life…and someone you imagined would always be a part of your life.

    The best step you made was deleting his number. Now, if he really comes to his senses and realizes you are the one for him…he will have to pursue you.

    And yes…you ARE awesome…and beautiful, and funny, and interesting, and intelligent, and compassionate, and responsible, and active, and persistant, and hard-working, and nurturing, and a great cook, business-owner, dog-mom and friend. You are EVERYTHING a man should look for. (Key word…MAN).

    You deserve the best…and I believe you will have the best.

    And as for TD’s kids…I know how much you love them. And what you are doing now, is the best example you can set for them. 🙂

  7. Janet in Philly Says:

    Attagirl! Take some time to mourn. Then go shoe shopping. You ARE awesome and you WILL find someone who respects you. Don’t settle – ever!

  8. stevesw Says:

    You are awsome!

  9. Matthew Says:

    What you did took a lot of strength and I’m extremely proud of you for putting yourself (happiness) first.

    That’s what matters.

  10. lafinwitu65 Says:

    You are awesome, Way to put yourself first, now go find a class (not sailing) something you enjoy and will keep you busy. (I know all about those moments of weakness) Country dancing was my therapy after my divorce, and worked wonders for me. Find something you have always wanted to do and take a class. I am currently taking a cooking class, which is awesome! lots of people of the opposite gender to flirt with and have fun. Oh and check out Meetup.com (not a dating site) just lots of fun stuff to do in your neighborhood.

    Be strong Girl….

  11. Kat Richter Says:

    I know it sucks but everyone who has commented on today’s post is right– you go girl!

  12. Thank you everyone for your nice words and words of encouragement. They are greatly appreciated. xoxoxoxo

  13. […] by the awesome New Year’s Eve Debacle, the great Valentine’s Week fiasco and finally, Wednesday.  I swear, I make myself sick sometimes with the wimpy doormat I’ve become.  Really?  3 […]


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