I did it. I just got back from TD’s and I told him. I told him I just couldn’t do it anymore. That although he has brought me so much happiness in the past, lately it has been more tears than smiles and I needed to look out for myself. He agreed that I need to find my happiness again and suggested that I take some time away from him. He has no idea that I meant forever and he wouldn’t listen to any of that part of things. He knows he’s made me unhappy. He knows he’s been selfish. I guess it’s my turn to be selfish now. He offered some ‘suggestions’ on how we can salvage our friendship. We can’t. At least not right now (and most likely ever). I told him that I wanted it all. Friendship just isn’t good enough. Regardless of how it affects him or (sadly) his kids (whom I love dearly), I can’t keep kidding myself that I am able to handle things the way they are. So we talked. And talked. And two hours later I drove away. He thinks for a couple of weeks. I think a hell of a lot longer than that. I’m going to miss the hell out of him, but am actually feeling okay. For now. I have only broken down twice. Once when pulling away from his house and just now. When I deleted his contact information from my phone. As anyone who relies solely on their cel knows, I have no clue what his phone number is; I just always look it up by his name. And now that’s gone. 😦
I’ve asked him not to contact me. That’s just the way it needs to be……….. Now would be a great time for everyone to tell me how awesome I am ’cause I kinda feel like shit.