43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

They Should Write For Hallmark May 3, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 7:11 pm
Tags: , , , ,

I am the lucky recipient of many many questionable messages on Match today!  Yey me!  Guys must be trying to book their weekends.  Who’s a lucky girl?  Yeah, that would be someone else.  I hope you’re all well aware that of all the guys that have messaged me, all of the lame winks that I have sent out, all of the (one) game nights I participated in, all of the text messages exchanged and all of the boring as hell e mails I have sent I have successfully avoided actually going on a single date this year!  Okay, aside from the short guy who just wanted a sexting pal, that is.  I’m getting really good at just blowing people off.  Is it that my standards are all that much higher than last year when I would go out with pretty much anyone who didn’t repulse me?  When I was hopeful that some of the guys just weren’t photogenic or were nervous and therefore came off as fucking morons in their correspondence?  When I felt the opportunity for a deliciously refreshing cocktail outweighed the pain of sitting thru yet another ‘interview’?  Or maybe I’m just lazy.  Or realized that I can buy my own damn drinks. 🙂

Anyway, I’m not sure which is more (translation: least) impressive of these two options received today:

From a 40 year old guy in a 20 gallon hat who I have never messaged, winked at or looked at his profile entitled ‘Opportunity’:

Sweetheart, I’m what you’ve been hoping for but just couldn’t find. Yes that sounds awefuly confident, but I know who I am and what I’m capable of, and sometimes I surprise even myself. So look no further, here I am, at your beckon cal

Or the one from a total cutie patootie.  Who looks at my profile at least once a week.  Who looked at my profile at least once a week for the last 2 years.  Who I actually sent a message to last year but he never responded.  Who I actually MET (and subsequently made out with after many cocktails) 3 years ago.  I even remember where we went.  Lame TGI Fridays.  And he was NOT 5’10” like he said, yet he was adorable.  And apparently dumb as a box of rocks for never following up with me; never messaging me; never remembering that we’ve MET before!  Anyway, his message to me is very poetic.  It’s subject line is ‘Hi’ and the message itself?  Well that would be ‘ 🙂 ‘

Really? *sigh*


8 Responses to “They Should Write For Hallmark”

  1. silly_G Says:

    Aren’t you tempted to follow up with TGIF guy and his four character attempt to reach out! Could see having some fun with that 😀

  2. annie Says:

    I had a man 15 years older than me, write a whole long paragraph using cheese references. (this is just an excerpt) “I don’t want to be too “cheezy”, but I think we go together like cheese and crackers, feel free to spread yourself all over me anytime.” I will just stop there, it was terrible!! Also got a email from a guy who’s name was justbopenminded. I responded and he responded back with cross dressing pictures (boobs and a blonde wig, no lie).

    Does that make you feel any better 🙂 ??

    • OMG Annie, sadly yes, that does make me feel better. So gross about the spreading yourself over him!

      I make it a strict rule to avoid ANYONE who mentions ‘open-minded’ in their profiles ….. either means they’re a perv, or married or god knows what 😉

  3. singlewhitefemaledating Says:

    Oh GOD… “Is this as good as it gets”; I am sure there are some swell guys on dating sites, but seriously to find them is like walking through a mine field. I know exactly how this is; have a “sanity break” from the mindless morons 😀

  4. stevesw Says:

    From a 40 year old guy in a 20 gallon hat “here I am, at your beckon cal”? Hope he did not mean ‘cow’ like ‘I’ll bring Betsy for…fresh cream for your coffee.” 😉

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