43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

I Could Work For The CIA June 1, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 7:54 am
Tags: , , ,

I believe my specialty would be sabotage.  Self-Sabotage to be precise.  No clue how totally derailing things in my personal life could or would help the security of the country, but I know I’d be damn good at it.  Via years of practice.  To illustrate,  I’ll have you know that I have successfully annihilated every dating prospect that I had from last week.  If you count them up, there were four.  2 I was almost excited about.  Almost.

Mr Fitness continued to be a big ole’ baby about my busy work schedule and I actually started to feel bad about that even though he always sent guilt inducing text messages (my jewish mother would have been proud).  I finally sent to him, on Sunday, ‘so sorry to have been so busy lately; my schedule totally frees up on Tuesday after 3, so pick the time and the place and I’m all yours’.  Cute, right?  Too bad he opted to ignore it.  Until Wednesday when he sent a snipey ‘when can we meet’.  Uhm……. I asked him if this was in response to my text from Sunday and he said that he was in jury duty all day Tuesday.  What?  So I ignored that text.  And then he sent ‘I didn’t realize we had to meet on Tuesday’.  Which I ignored as well.  So then he sent ‘this seems to be awfully difficult for 2 people who live 5 minutes apart’.  That one, I responded to.  Today.  2 days later.  🙂 I opted to send ‘No, we didn’t have to meet on Tuesday and I left it up to you to set the time and place that worked for you.  You’re right, this does seem difficult.  I suggest times and places that don’t work for you and you suggest nothing yet are perpetually upset with me for my busy schedule.  I’m going to opt out of meeting.  Although I think you’re kind of a huge asshole a good guy and hope you find a terrific gal, I don’t think I’m her’.  I can’t wait to read what sort of shit-tastic response I get for that one.

The guy that somehow got my number from the speed dating thing was texting me last week.  I figured ‘meh, he didn’t want to make me barf, maybe I’ll go out with him’ (yup, I suck) so I was texting with him.  He left me a message on Monday evening to call him back.  Oh wait, I fully saw that he was calling on Monday night and intentionally sent him to voicemail (again, I suck) where he requested that I call him back.  Which I did promptly on Tuesday afternoon.  And proceeded to leave some fucked up rambling message about being sorry to have missed his call but that I’m hard to reach by phone and that I apologize in advance if he gets my voicemail again, but due to my busy schedule I will call him back as soon as I am able.  Actually I don’t even remember all that I said.  I do remember that it was none too encouraging and I haven’t heard back.

Mr. Hockey sent me some great texts the morning after we met.  They were very funny and sweet and there is nothing better than a nice ‘good morning’ text.  We bantered back and forth for a bit and I ended (apparently) the string by sticking my foot in my mouth scaring him off (apparently) by sending ‘what a nice way to start the day, I may have to keep you around for a while’.  I kinda thought that was cute.  Apparently he didn’t.  I haven’t heard back from him.  Maybe he’s just pacing himself.

The 4th guy that I met off Match sent me his personal contact information (phone number, e-mail) with a request to hear back from me.  Of course I responded!  Thru match (not quite sure why I do shit like this).  And I haven’t heard back.  I think his membership may have ended though as he hasn’t been online in almost a week.  I could absolutely contact him via his personal information, but for some reason, I don’t seem to care enough.

Interesting way I go about finding Mr Right, huh?  If any of you would like to take lessons from me, just read back on how I act, what I say, what I do and how I respond and then do the exact opposite.  You’re welcome. 😉


8 Responses to “I Could Work For The CIA”

  1. Your posts crack me up! I hate the games of internet dating. It’s almost enough to make you swear off men altogether!

  2. lafinwitu65 Says:

    IMHO, I think that your meeting mediocre men that dont excite you. Dont waste your time or theirs if they dont excite you, put forth an effort or otherwise get you hot leave them behind.

    “Not being horrible” is a horrible filtering criteria. I am sure you have heard the old adage, If your wasting time with the wrong one you cant meet the right one. Makes for some lonely nights, but that is what great friends and great liquor are for. :0)

    Those speed dating things have a different crop of people everytime. You just never know.

    Your awesome and that awesome guy is weeding through the same crap you are. I had to learn a long, long time ago. While I am a good man and always will be. That is vastly different than the “right man”

    never settle… (unless there has been 4 or more tequilas)

    Thanks for the smiles.

    • lafinwitu65 Says:

      Having experienced hundreds of awful internet dates. I havent dated anyone longer than a month that I wasnt extremely excited about on that first initial meeting.

      My current girlfriend, is no exception and she would say the same thing. hoping for the best

      • That’s a reasonable comment. I did, however, go out with a girl who was the daughter of my mother’s best friend. We went out for some years and might have married had Life not been complicated at the time and we’d been better equipped to handle it. In that case, there was no magic spark, no instant nature to it, just a gradual easing from family friend to friend to vague interest to love interest. So, it’s possible, although not as common as the sparks-flying meetings we hope for. That’s why I don’t disagree with the validity of sparks being a positive guide, only that low-key sparks aren’t always a bad sign. It depends.

  3. I don’t agree with ’65’ above. I think it’s quite valid to say that someone attracts you or excites you immediately.

    But it’s not the only path to a good relationship. Sometimes people grow on you over time. To this point, taking too long to respond to someone, using Match instead of personal e-mail to correspond, and so on mean you *might* be missing out on a good match.

    I vote for diligence without fervor.

    E-mail, text, and/or talk to a potential match long enough to decide if you might want to meet him. Be responsive, be cute (I thought your text response about keeping him around WAS cute and if the guy ran, that’s his problem), be helpful with planning. Never leave a genuine query unanswered. Not ever.

    Then it’s cut-throat time when you meet– if you don’t connect well enough that you’re sure there’s no chance of it getting anywhere, a thanks-but-no-thanks is all that’s needed. He might expect more. That’s his problem not yours.

    Note: The CIA doesn’t need anyone to help with self-destruction of the country. A poorly-performing Congress fulfils that role.. 🙂

    • lifeandothermisadventures Says:

      I agree! I think the text was cute and if he is unresponsive to a little flirting, that’s his loss!

  4. loveit Says:

    this is hilarious and confirms everything you’ve always suspected about internet dating.. coming from a guy’s perspective.. good to know all these games work (sadly but true). I wouldn’t make anything of your text to the guy.. it was witty… Sometimes $hit happens… one thing i have found is that if a woman has any flaky behavior it’s always good to shovel some $hit on her lawn, so to speak.. otherwise you become a doormat.. which is so unattractive as all your posts prove. You need a little bad boy to get you ruffed up… trust me on that. keep up the posts.. love it!

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