So this week has been a bang up ‘form-message’ spree for internet daters. I got one from a guy telling me that he had just got done looking at the clouds and taking his dog for a walk. Uhm…….. does that usually work for you as an opening message to someone you don’t know? I also got a message from a very tall and skinny blonde Asian guy. Yeah. Skinny is bad enough but a blonde Asian? I don’t think that model is found naturally in the universe. I’ve gotten messages from 64 year olds telling me about their golf game; from a 32 year old telling me I was ‘hot’; from a guy with no picture that basically stated his entire life story (what can I say, I was bored, so I actually read it) and many other wastes of time. Pretty sure all these guys are on the 6 month loser clause program so they need to meet a quota for sending messages to disinterested parties.
My favorite, by far though, was a form letter from a very special guy. It went something (exactly) like this:
You look like a fun person and I enjoyed your profile… Now just what could I do to convince you to go out for a glass of wine or a beverage of your choice with me? I’m just a bit taller than you so wear your highest heels, or jeans and whatever… I’m a gentleman so you’ll be treated like a lady… And if you read my profile you have to know you’re in for a few laughs… And it’s intended to be funny… Just my sense of humor and a few of the things I’ve experienced with internet dating… Anyway, hope you have a very happy and safe week!
Nice right? Want to know what makes him so special? I’ll give you a hint in my uber passive aggressive response to him:
Thank you for the nice message. Although it reads much like a mass form letter, it was cute. Here’s another internet dating story to add to your collection: we’ve already met. Glad to know I’m so amazingly memorable. Possibly a spreadsheet would help?
Might I introduce you all to Mr Clean from last year? The man whom I met for drinks, who gave me a huge bear hug when we parted, who I was on the fence about meeting with again and who proceeded to send me 82 texts a day for the following 2 weeks without ever actually asking me out again. Have I mentioned lately how much I absolutely adore internet dating?