43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Nice To Be Remembered June 6, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 4:07 pm
Tags: , , , ,

So this week has been a bang up ‘form-message’ spree for internet daters.  I got one from a guy telling me that he had just got done looking at the clouds and taking his dog for a walk.  Uhm…….. does that usually work for you as an opening message to someone you don’t know?  I also got a message from a very tall and skinny blonde Asian guy.  Yeah.  Skinny is bad enough but a blonde Asian?  I don’t think that model is found naturally in the universe.  I’ve gotten messages from 64 year olds telling me about their golf game;  from a 32 year old telling me I was ‘hot’;  from a guy with no picture that basically stated his entire life story (what can I say, I was bored, so I actually read it) and many other wastes of time.  Pretty sure all these guys are on the 6 month loser clause program so they need to meet a quota for sending messages to disinterested parties.

My favorite, by far though, was a form letter from a very special guy.  It went something (exactly) like this:

You look like a fun person and I enjoyed your profile… Now just what could I do to convince you to go out for a glass of wine or a beverage of your choice with me? I’m just a bit taller than you so wear your highest heels, or jeans and whatever… I’m a gentleman so you’ll be treated like a lady… And if you read my profile you have to know you’re in for a few laughs… And it’s intended to be funny… Just my sense of humor and a few of the things I’ve experienced with internet dating… Anyway, hope you have a very happy and safe week!

Nice right?  Want to know what makes him so special?  I’ll give you a hint in my uber passive aggressive response to him:

Thank you for the nice message.  Although it reads much like a mass form letter, it was cute.  Here’s another internet dating story to add to your collection:  we’ve already met.  Glad to know I’m so amazingly memorable.  Possibly a spreadsheet would help?

Might I introduce you all to Mr Clean from last year?  The man whom I met for drinks, who gave me a huge bear hug when we parted, who I was on the fence about meeting with again and who proceeded to send me 82 texts a day for the following 2 weeks without ever actually asking me out again.  Have I mentioned lately how much I absolutely adore internet dating?

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3 Responses to “Nice To Be Remembered”

  1. everevie Says:

    Ohhhhhhh DAAAAAYUM! Now that right there is funny!!! Lol. I mean…I’m sure not so funny to you. But I got a big ole laugh out of it. And…well, I am pretty damn selfish. 😉

  2. Shar & Mare Says:

    Muaaahahahaahaaaa….Form letters are like the “virus” of internet dating. I got a doozy once from a guy who waxed poetic about the idyllic view from his window, which he was enjoying while sipping a latte and musing over my “perfect” profile. My girlfriend had gotten the SAME letter from this guy. I’d actually like to find a man who’s smart enough to realize that Girls. Talk. To. Each. Other…


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