So most people come home from vacation well rested, rejuvenated and relaxed. As I am obviously not most people, I came home both physically and mentally exhausted, heartbroken and with spackle and/or paint on every single piece of clothing that I took. Vacations shouldn’t be like that. Friendships shouldn’t be like that. Endings sure as hell shouldn’t be like that. It’s over, I get it. What he has so obviously always viewed as a FWB situation and I have delusionally hopefully viewed as ‘biding my time’ kinda thing, I still can’t believe he did what he did. Sure, he has every right to look for happiness wherever he wants. He KNEW that bringing that VCW up there would not only ruin my vacation but crush me. And he did it anyway. That’s the part I can’t believe. Or get over. He claimed to have lied to me about who she was in order to protect my feelings while at the same time claiming that he had no idea that I still felt the way I did about him. That doesn’t make much sense now, does it? Has he really always been this selfish and I just never acknowledged it? He knew how much I was looking forward to the trip. He knew I couldn’t wait for him to show me ‘his town’. He knew that I didn’t want to follow in the footsteps of someone else (silly me assumed it would be the crazy key wielding next door neighbor that I would be trying not to follow). Whether he invited the Vacation Crashing Whore there or not, the fact remains that she was there. And they spent a hell of a lot of time together. After supposedly only meeting once in town before his trip. Want to know the hardest part for me? This stupid whore, who basically caused the end of our friendship; the one who he says he didn’t invite; the one who he says he was very uncomfortable having around his kids……he’s still seeing. She (and he) ended our friendship and he still chose to date her. What the fuck? Not to be entirely delusional, but if I’m half the ‘best friend and most wonderful person he’s ever known’, then wouldn’t he hold the VCW just a tad bit responsible? He claims he’s going to regret this for a long time. Not only the lying and deceit, but the damn construction, the being too tired to do much of anything fun, the jipping me out of all that he promised me when I was up there. Yet he still chooses to date her.
I guess I am a dumbass and entirely too trusting of people’s intentions. I hate that. He texted me last night. I had posted a comment on one of his son’s pics that he tagged me in as well as a picture that I had actually taken of TD and his kids back in December that he posted last night for some reason. TD never ever posts on FB and never leaves comments. He not only commented after my comments, but commented on my status. He wants me to know how much I mean to his family and how I will always hold a place in their hearts regardless of what happens in the future. Super.
Obviously the place I held in his heart two weeks ago was able to be shut away during the VCW’s visit. They ruined my vacation. They ruined our friendship. They destroyed my faith in him. They ruined every delusional idea I had in my head about what TD and I have or could ever have hoped to have. I guess I should actually thank them for that…….. Yup, I’m bitter. Not sure if I actually have any right to be, but I am. I misread a lot. He sent a bazillion mixed signals. I chose to believe the wrong ones. I think I still deserved better …….. 😦