So we all know I’m still trying to navigate my way in this whole mess. And that I was supposed to get together with the kids today. I was going to take them to lunch and then go do something fun with them like trampolining or bowling or the movies (what? when it’s 110 outside options are limited). What you don’t know is that TD’s ex wife, who used to like me, put the kibosh on that a few days ago. I have no idea what she said directly to the kids aside from the fact that she didn’t want them to see me, but I know what she told TD. Because he was awesome enough to let me know. Apparently she had told him last Saturday, after the basketball game, that she didn’t want me to see the kids. That she was concerned I would try to ‘get’ information out of them regarding TD or use them as a pawn in influencing him. Nice, right? I don’t care how shitty someone thinks I am, there is no way in hell I would EVER use children to further my non-existent agenda. I just wouldn’t do that. I always have the kids’ best interest at heart.
I question whether or not I should have even told them after the trip what was going on. I truly just didn’t want them to think they had anything to do with my decision. I guess it’s totally asinine of me to think that I have any right to still see and spend time with the kids. I just don’t know where her concerns came from. I love those kids and they love me. They like spending time with me. TD thinks it’s because the ex is jealous of how much the kids like me, but since she never had an issue before with me seeing them and I wasn’t going to see them on ‘her’ time, I guess I’m kinda confused as to why she thinks so little of me all of a sudden.
Although his decision to stand up for me came a few days late, TD is fine with me spending time with the kids and told her as much. He knows I have no intention of spending time with him (as he was nice enough to ‘solve’ the dilemma by inviting me over to the house with them all). I’m not sure I should see them though. I really don’t want them in the middle of anything and although they’re not little (15 & 17), I still don’t want them being confused. I think that TD having TVCW at the lake really did a HUGE number on them. Regardless of what he’s declared to everyone in the past, I’m pretty sure they knew we were more than ‘just friends’, so heaven knows what they thought when this other woman suddenly appeared.
TD offered to drop them off at my house tonight to have dinner with me (which I thought was very sweet), but I had some sort of a panic attack about going against what their mother wants. I have to believe that she is thinking only of the kids and it’s nothing else influencing her decision. I told him no. I guess since I said my good-byes to them, I need to stick to that. Not being an entirely selfish and self serving human being, I had kind of hoped that seeing them every now and then might help them with this transition as much as it would me. But I guess that is entirely selfish, so disregard my previous disclaimer…….
(btw, they’ve both sent me texts saying that they have no idea what is going on in their mom’s head and that they miss me…………..which of course makes all of this that much harder) I can’t imagine what she told them as a reason to not see me though 😦