43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

The Kids July 12, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 3:10 pm

So we all know I’m still trying to navigate my way in this whole mess.  And that I was supposed to get together with the kids today.  I was going to take them to lunch and then go do something fun with them like trampolining or bowling or the movies (what? when it’s 110 outside options are limited).  What you don’t know is that TD’s ex wife, who used to like me, put the kibosh on that a few days ago.  I have no idea what she said directly to the kids aside from the fact that she didn’t want them to see me, but I know what she told TD.  Because he was awesome enough to let me know.  Apparently she had told him last Saturday, after the basketball game, that she didn’t want me to see the kids.  That she was concerned I would try to ‘get’ information out of them regarding TD or use them as a pawn in influencing him.  Nice, right?  I don’t care how shitty someone thinks I am, there is no way in hell I would EVER use children to further my non-existent agenda.  I just wouldn’t do that.  I always have the kids’ best interest at heart.

I question whether or not I should have even told them after the trip what was going on.  I truly just didn’t want them to think they had anything to do with my decision.  I guess it’s totally asinine of me to think that I have any right to still see and spend time with the kids.  I just don’t know where her concerns came from.  I love those kids and they love me.  They like spending time with me.  TD thinks it’s because the ex is jealous of how much the kids like me, but since she never had an issue before with me seeing them and I wasn’t going to see them on ‘her’ time, I guess I’m kinda confused as to why she thinks so little of me all of a sudden.

Although his decision to stand up for me came a few days late, TD is fine with me spending time with the kids and told her as much.  He knows I have no intention of spending time with him (as he was nice enough to ‘solve’ the dilemma by inviting me over to the house with them all).  I’m not sure I should see them though.  I really don’t want them in the middle of anything and although they’re not little (15 & 17), I still don’t want them being confused.  I think that TD having TVCW at the lake really did a HUGE number on them.  Regardless of what he’s declared to everyone in the past, I’m pretty sure they knew we were more than ‘just friends’, so heaven knows what they thought when this other woman suddenly appeared.

TD offered to drop them off at my house tonight to have dinner with me (which I thought was very sweet), but I had some sort of a panic attack about going against what their mother wants.  I have to believe that she is thinking only of the kids and it’s nothing else influencing her decision.  I told him no.  I guess since I said my good-byes to them, I need to stick to that.  Not being an entirely selfish and self serving human being, I had kind of hoped that seeing them every now and then might help them with this transition as much as it would me.  But I guess that is entirely selfish, so disregard my previous disclaimer…….

(btw, they’ve both sent me texts saying that they have no idea what is going on in their mom’s head and that they miss me…………..which of course makes all of this that much harder)  I can’t imagine what she told them as a reason to not see me though 😦


9 Responses to “The Kids”

  1. lafinwitu65 Says:

    Hey GG, coincidentally enough I have 2 boys the same age as TDs kids and I wouldnt worry about any lasting emotional damage to the kids. If they were younger maybe, but now they are old enough to understand what is going on.

    People will come and go in and out of our lives all the time, thats part of life. Some people will be a positive influence and some will be a negative. Some people have a profound impact having only been our life for a few seconds some stay for years and turn out to be meaningless.

    While my boys havent met all of my dates/girlfriends they have met a few and really could care less about who I might be dating at the moment. When they were younger I was a lot more diligent about separating my dating life from them. but now not so much. Personally I would be weirded out if one of my exes wanted to continue to be friends with them but thats just me. It would also be a big red flag for me if a girl I started to date was friends with an exes kids, once again thats just me.

    • While circumstances with TD’s kids are a little different (his daughter is extremely shy and introverted and never lets people ‘in’, however i seemed to have made it past her walls and was pretty much the only adult she would ever engage with/invite to do things) I guess I give myself too much credit for thinking they’d miss me and them too little credit for being so resilient. I’ve never really been around kids and with TD and my whole friend/dating/back to friends/to whatever fucked up relationship, I guess I just didn’t look at the kid situation as black and white as you’ve layed it out for me. 😦

      I won’t see them again and they’ll be just fine without me ……… hopefully I will be too ……..

      • lafinwitu65 Says:

        I am sure things are a lot differant but still, and in real life things never are quite as black and white I would like them to be. Dont underestimate the lasting and positive influence you may have had with either of them, you just never know what silly thing they will take with them. For example a crazy, crazy gal (thats how I roll) I dated a long time ago met my oldest boy for all of about 20-30 minutes and taught him how to make chainmail of all things. to this day he makes jewelry for his friends and because of that decided to take a metal shop class and discovered a love for metalworking. He never knew about any of the craziness that took place between her and I, as I was pretty good at keeping that at a distance, they happened to meet and was introduced as my friend, but to this day he talks about her.

        • everevie Says:

          lafinwitu65- That’s a great story! I love seeing how a seemingly inconsequential moment/person, could make such a big, positive impact.

  2. SillyG Says:

    stick to it… honestly, this would be pretty tough to keep up forever.
    they will move on and sometimes think about this great lady their dad should have been smarter about. with the daughter… tell her you are always just a phone call away if she needs to talk. take it from a gal that was a girl that had relationships with a couple of her parents dates… we move on just fine 🙂 take care.

    • Thanks Silly. It never would have been a ‘forever’ thing, just a transitional thing. They both know that I’m just a phone call away, but with their mom telling them what she did, I doubt that will ever happen either. I will stick to not seeing any of them 😦

  3. everevie Says:

    Ya know…sometimes breaking up with someone’s family is harder than breaking up with them! Remember how I continued to spend time with ThatPieceofShitRatBastard’s mom and sister after our break-up?? I needed to do that for awhile so the separation from ThatDisgustingPig wasn’t as harsh. In the long run, it turned out to be not such a great idea….(which YOU warned me about from the start….)

    As far as TD’s kids…I think if you leave the ball in their court, and they want to hang out with you…then you shouldn’t feel bad accepting an invitation. Their parent’s should understand that at 17 and 15 the kids are capable of choosing to see you…and if you aren’t the one trying to arrange things, then there is no reason to think they are being manipulated by you….or “used”. (Which is ridiculous to think anyways.)

    • Thanks Evie. You’re right. It should be the kids’ decision…….not mine, their dad’s or their mom’s. I hope they know that they can call me whenever but I really don’t think they’ll ever go against what their mom told them. Which sucks. 😦

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