That’s how I used to be regarding most things. I’m not a ‘half way’ kinda gal. Either I’m all in or I’m all out. No point in doing anything if you’re not totally into it. This has always how I’ve been regarding guys as well. Sure, some take longer to get over than others, but I’ve never been this ridiculously pathetic and whiney person that I’ve been for the past year. I was kinda this way regarding Webster and we all know I have absolutely been this way regarding TD. I wondered what ever happened to my ability to just cut bait and go when relationships are involved. I kinda miss being able to say ‘fuck it, if he’s not into me, then it’s his loss’. Oddly enough tonight, when E-Horror-Me was kind enough to send me TD’s profile as one of my 1st four matches (unbelievable, right?), some sort of (hopefully permanent) attitude adjustment happened. Not sure if it’s a full moon, or the fact that I’m kind of optimistic about being able to meet someone before I’m 90, or that by writing my last introspective post regarding the whole thing that I am finally able to just accept what it is/was/never will be and just let go, but I feel better? Probably not permanent and I’ll probably be a blubbering mess again by morning, but here’s hoping I’m wrong about that ’cause I actually feel okay about things right now. And I’m not even drunk! He’s not the last man on earth. I’m tired of acting like the desperate fool and as if he holds all the cards. He doesn’t. I do. And if everyone (including stupid dating sites) can see it and he still can’t, then fuck him. It’s his loss.
Now, regarding my 37 year old 7 foot tall admirer from OkStupid. He wants to meet. We’ve been exchanging funny messages thru the site but as I wrote earlier, his profile doesn’t give a lot of details. He says he’s lived in 14 countries in his lifetime. I asked him what he does for a living and he responded with ‘I prefer to get to know someone in person and exchange details face to face so that there are no preconceived notions’. Uhm, what the hell does that mean? He does work for the CIA? He is a Russian Prince? He’s wanted by the FBI? He’s a drug runner? He’s a checker at the local Fry’s? Strange that in his first message to me he signed it ‘Davidenko’. I asked him where he was from with a name like that and he said he was ‘kidding’, that his real name was David, that he’s originally from Chicago and that he was given the nickname while he was living overseas. Interesting. I will be certain to arrange our first meeting in a very dark alley in a deserted part of town. NOT!
Aside from TD and 2 guys that contacted me from E-Harm (who I quickly archived), there was a fairly handsome 52 year old pilot that sent me some questions. I responded back (probably too quickly), so we’ll see about him, but not a bad start considering I had just joined a couple hours prior. Oh wait, he’s a pilot. Therefore a male whore. He probably has some red flashing light that goes off when a new female joins. Never mind. Okay, okay, I promise to keep my cynicism to a minimum. For today at least …….