The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

To Meet Or Not To Meet? July 30, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:32 am
Tags: , , , ,

Oh hell no, not me for crying out loud (it’s like you don’t know me at all).  The only ‘real’ communication I’ve had is with a guy from E-Horrorme who doesn’t ask me a single question in his messages to me although I’ve given him many an opening.  I’m guessing neither of us is all that excited about the other …. oh well.

Anywhoo………Matthew needs our help (oy, to have his problems) 😉 ! Read on…..

There were a number of things I wanted to get posted for you all *two or three readers* before getting into the following situation, but alas life had other plans.
Ideally, I would have had at least a couple of weeks to lay down some ground work and establish a background regarding how things have been the last few weeks, and even provide a little insight on how things were for me personally during the last couple of months while still in my latest relationship.
Alas, life has other plans. So, we’re just going to have to dive into things and then I’ll get to that other stuff at a later date. Kind of think of my posts like a Quentin Tarantino movie where the chronology jumps back and forth between past, present and future.
Here’s the short and condensed version of the last couple of months. There was tension between the girl and I. Some less-than-stellar arguments. Friction in the relationship. Doubts about our future together began to loom. Distancing was done. Relationship ended.
Up to date? Good. 🙂
Because here’s where I’m in a bit of a pinch.
Since I was having my own doubts about the relationship I didn’t really require that much of a mourning period when the Ex and I officially broke up. Yes, any break up stinks but you can’t fight the truth and facts. Not wanting to sit idly by and let life go on without me I decided to be proactive and get out into the world to meet new people…
…by creating a new account and building a profile on OkCupid (or OKStupid if you’re GG).
Nearly 2 years ago, when I last had an account here, my sent/received messages ratio was close to 40:1. I hardly got any type of replies.
Obviously hell has frozen over because out of four girls I sent messages to over the last week, two have written back already. How am I suddenly getting 2:1 odds? Did I actually write a decent profile? *I am very well submit some excerpts from my profile for your review at a later date*
Over this last weekend (Friday-Sunday) I’ve shared a back-and-forth with a very cool girl on there. We’ve both written four (4) times to the other. The conversations have been good. Fun comments and jabs at the other persons expense. Good rapport. She is definitely someone I could have a good time with.
Here’s where I need a little advice.
I’m beginning to get the feeling that the time is already coming to option an actual face-to-face meeting. My guts says that if I don’t make some sort of forward movement besides small comments that suggest eventually meeting in person any, and all, opportunities could be lost and she may lose interest completely.
Even though I make my intentions clear on my profile that I’m not looking for anything serious at this time, suggesting meeting face-to-face is technically going to be a date. Well, I didn’t really think I’d be going on any dates, at least, until I moved into my new apartment…considering that fact that the Ex and I are still living together in the same house until I move into said new apartment beginning August 15th. *please note that since the break-up I have been sleeping in the living room, on the couch, so there has been absolutely no funny business.*
What do you all think? Should I suggest meeting in person even though I was trying to avoid “dating” until the Ex and I were no longer living in the same house? Is it even an option of telling this girl that I’d like to meet but would prefer waiting until mid-August? Is my gut even correct in thinking she may lose interest (platonic-ally or more) if I don’t break the message chain soon?

15 Responses to “To Meet Or Not To Meet?”

  1. Uhm…….MEET! I know you were trying to be respectful of The Girl, but I fear that you will lose the chance to meet this new person if you try to delay it and if you think there is a chance that you could hit it off, just do it (you’re welcome NIke, I’ll expect my check in the mail). Meeting for coffee doesn’t really count as a ‘date’ anyway, right? 🙂 Go forth and meet people, my friend. And let us know all about it!!

    • Matthew Says:

      I guess the thing that I find myself “conflicted” with is not only respecting the relationship I was in, but also how any other girl would view the fact that in all technicality I’ve only been single for about 3 weeks (though the relationship was rocky much earlier than that).

  2. Serena Says:

    I 2nd what GG said….MEET! It’s not like you are involved with the ‘girl’ still, and mid-August will come very fast anyway. Sorry Matthew, you don’t know me but GG kinda does, lol.

    If the new woman is really interested she would probably be willing to wait, but do you want to risk it? GG is right, coffee isn’t technically a date anyway 🙂

  3. annie Says:

    I say meet her. But I would keep things really casual until you are out of the current living situation. And if the topic comes up, be honest about it (which I’m sure you would anyways, since you are a nice guy 🙂

    • Matthew Says:

      Casual is definitely the plan. Though I’m ready to meet new people (mainly women) I don’t want to get into anything uber-serious as of yet. In the past when I’d date I would immediately look at the big picture right away and not just enjoy the idea of dating.

      Casual is my theme right now. 🙂

  4. Colleen Says:

    Hi Matthew! Question about the apartment – are you definitely moving, i.e., do you have a lease?

    If so, by all means, try to meet, and if “where do ya live?” comes-up, you can talk-up your great new apartment. No need to yet detail the reason for the move.

    If you don’t yet have the details for the new apartment, it would likely be awkward if your current address/neighborhood is asked. I imagine you could handle it beautifully, though.

    Good luck!

    • Matthew Says:

      Hey Colleen, thanks for the advice (and the confidence in my ability to handle a situation on the fly).

      I am definitely moving, I signed the lease last week so it is a done deal.

  5. everevie Says:

    Definitely meet!! If you are moving in 2 weeks, and you set up a “meet and greet” (Not a date!) for later this week, then you can buy time for a real date after the move.

    Read back over a few of GG’s post…even really recent ones. If the guy kept going w/the emails/texts and never made plans, she moved on.

    • Matthew Says:

      Funny you mention some of GG’s previous posts as that is precisely why I had the “getting bored and moving on” thing in my head.

  6. Matthew Says:

    Alright everyone. So, I wrote her back not too long ago. I asked what she was doing this Friday and if she happened to be free if she’d want to join me at a monthly local art event that goes on in the city.

    I figure, it’s different than coffee and is something a little more active than just sitting at a table somewhere.

  7. SillyG Says:

    My first thought was wtf are you doing on a dating site if you don’t want to actually meet! then read the living arrangement and thought wtf is he doing on a dating site! But your move is a done deal. Agree with all! … go out before you lose the chance. There is nothing worse than wasting a bunch of time messaging to finally meet and find out they are not your type anyway… have fun 🙂

    • Matthew Says:

      Sorry Silly. Based on all of my past experience with online dating I just never expected to have had actual responses from women this quickly. I figured I had a month (maybe two) before anything actually turned into the possibility for meeting; which would have put me living in my own place at the time.

      Perhaps I thought that through too much.

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