Yes, that’s right. My patheticness (is that even a word?) has reached an all time high. I got to go to Vegas for a couple days with my Doppelganger and I actually opted to lay in bed for most of yesterday, read and watch the Olympics on tv. Uhm, what the hell has happened to me? Granted, it was 175 degrees outside, so although I attempted to lay by the pool (for all of about 15 minutes) it was just too damn hot. I did manage to roll out of bed long enough for our mutually ridiculous idea of doing a Vegas Buffet for dinner and then proceeded to stuff myself so much that I couldn’t even drink after that! Shit! Needless to say, I gambled a bit and then yup, back to bed for me. I am pretty sure I was the equivalent of a wet blanket. Or a human bump on a log. I was boring and sad and couldn’t find one decent guy that I wanted to kiss. We did manage to polish off an entire bottle of vodka in 2 days though. Thought that was fairly impressive. 🙂
I’m still in some sort of a weird funk regarding you know who. I SO want to be able to be friends with him. I SO want to not want anything more. I SO want to be able to hang out with he and the kids and have fun. I do not, for the life of me, know why I can’t figure this out. It’s fairly easy for me to drop people from my life (shitty but true). They usually do something nasty or bad or mean or hateful so it’s kinda easy and I rarely look back. TD isn’t mean or hateful. He just operated under the impression that I agreed we were strictly friends
with huge boundary issues. He was under this impression because I spent a lot of time convincing him of it. Too bad I forgot to convince myself. It’s so shitty. Great friends come along very rarely. Especially when you’re an old fart. I mean it’s not like I can plop down at the lunch table in the cafeteria and ask the person next to me if they want to trade their bologna sandwich for a ho-ho. I assume I can do that once I get checked into the old age home (just me and my 47 cats), but for now, it’s kinda tough. He’s a good friend. He’s a stupid friend, but a good one. I haven’t spoken/texted/seen/e-mailed/anything with him since the fiasco that was last Tuesday. That’s kind of a record for me. And it sucks.
I swear I dealt with this better when we were at least texting a little. I don’t know what that is. Don’t worry, I will continue to talk myself out of any form of contact with him. Today, at least. 😉