43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Speed Eating Should Be An Olympic Event August 12, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 1:51 pm
Tags: , , , ,

I love to make up dating rules for myself and then break them just to reconfirm why I had them in the first place.  Today was such a day.  We all know how I feel about ‘meal dates’.  They’re just bad.  For any number of reasons.  The food could suck.  The service could be bad.  There’s just no real quick getaway when you’re stuck with a plate of food in front of your face.  As ‘good’ as I think I am at dating, I have never been able to figure out how to disengage myself from a date before it even starts and today’s date warranted that.  I need to figure that one out.

So I had a lunch date today.  Yey me.  Not really.  I was kind of looking forward to meeting this guy (whose blog name I will not share with you until the end of this post otherwise it would ruin the suspense).  Wasn’t thrilled with the place he picked, but figured he was just trying to be nice and choose somewhere close to my house.  Found out that wasn’t the case.  He needed to go to a store right by there and actually likes the faux-Mexican food that they serve.  Ick. Anyway, I walk in and there he is with a big ole’ smile on his face.  A big ole’ smile with his totally jacket up teeth.  Honestly, I still don’t know if he had a dead part of a tooth or had a big ole’ piece of black something or other up by his gum, but regardless, they were just bad.  Great.  Now I can’t look at his mouth, so I’ll look at his eyes.  Uhm, no.  He had an odd squinty thing that he did.  Super, I’ll look at his hair.  Uhm, that would be a bad idea too as he didn’t actually have much of it and what he did have was gelled to within an inch of it’s life and combed to the side.  Left with no suitable alternatives to look at when we sat down, I just opted to dive head first into the bowl of chips and started firing off questions so he couldn’t ask me any.  I’m not sure he would have as he seemed to like to talk.  A lot.  About everyone in his life and they all seem to have ‘issues’.  Eh, who doesn’t.

I practically ankle tackled the waitress so she could take our order and if there’s one thing to be said about crappy faux-mexican food joints is that the food comes out amazingly fast.  Thank goodness.  We ate, I listened, I shoved more chips down my pie hole than I probably should have and then, when I felt I had spent a polite amount of time with him and after he had paid the bill (I offered to split it with him as I will always do when I know there will be no 2nd date) I told him he had better get going on his errands so that he wasn’t late to his sister’s house for dinner tonight.  Aren’t I thoughtful? 😉 Quick half assed hug in the parking lot, a heartfelt ‘thanks for lunch’ and I was off.  No bullshit ‘I had a good time’ or ‘talk to you later’.  Just a quick good-bye…….

That, my friends, is the gold medal worthy speed dating lunch that I had with Mr.  Comb-Over.  61 minutes flat.  Is it really so much to ask that my dates at least vaguely resemble their pictures?!?!?!?

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9 Responses to “Speed Eating Should Be An Olympic Event”

  1. singlewhitefemaledating Says:

    You’re a legend… I hope you didn’t get heartburn!!! lol

  2. Clicking Frogs Says:

    Please tell me Mr. Combover wasn’t his screen name??!

  3. Matthew Says:

    Anyone else picture the ankle-tackle actually happening?

  4. everevie Says:

    I hope by “lunch”, what you really meant was, “half a bottle of tequila”….otherwise, I just don’t know how you made it through!

  5. ifUseekAmy Says:

    61 minutes? Meh, amateur! (Just kidding!). I once hoovered down a dinner in about 45 mins, while talking non-stop…with a guy my friends and I nicknamed “Big & Dumb”. It was not our first date, but fortunately, was the last.

    • Damn Amy. You ARE good. I guess I can count the extra 16 minutes it took me to disengage myself as a first date bonus? And wow …….. big and dumb …… sounds like a winner 😉


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