43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

The Universe Is Apparently Run By Some Dickhead Whom I Was Mean To…….. September 19, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 6:42 pm

*warning: this post has absolutely nothing to do with dating……or rock climbing……or the match mixer for old farts*

Not that I recall being intentionally mean to anyone, aside from Jim L.  who I pushed in a pool when I was almost 30 years old due to the fact that he used to terrorize me in high school, but I’m pretty sure he’s not in charge of the universe.  Or karma.  I’m a big believer in karma.  I absolutely believe that bad hearted, mean, selfish, conceited, rude, icky (pardon my use of such highly technical terms) people will get their payback in the end.  I also believed that those that are the opposite; those that are caring, honest, thoughtful and good hearted would get their rewards.  If not in the end (I’d hate to have to wait until I’m dead …….. and I don’t think they give out ‘rewards’ in hell anyway), then somewhere along the way.  Well, I’m ready.  I am nice.  I am caring.  I am good hearted.  I have also had enough shit piled on top of me this year to collapse a building.  I’m ready for something good to happen.  Every time things seem to be looking up and turning around, something horrible happens.  I’m not sure why that is or what I’ve done to deserve it, but here are just a few examples:

Good:  cruise last november …… sailed off thinking all was right with the world, that I finally got the man I wanted and that all was good

Bad:  came home to find out not only that a dear friend had died, but apparently so had my faux relationship

Good:  cruise this year …….. sailed off knowing that things were ‘okay’ and I had stuff right in my head

Bad:  got caught in a hurricane; came home to find my house at a not so comfortable 97 degrees thanks to a broken a/c ……… which took a week to fix

Good:  finally come to terms with job #2 (which I hate) and know that it’s a means to an end and that as much as I dislike it, I need it

Bad:  entire company gets restructured and my position now has NO flexibility to work around my real profession

See the pattern here?  I’m not even mentioning the medical shit that’s gone on this year or the financial.  Or the romantic (’cause we ALL know about that fairy tale).  The bad just seems to keep piling up and I’m wondering why that is.  Yesterday just about takes the cake though.  And has almost broken me.  I was having a wonderful day.  Very excited about seeing someone who I had missed for a long time.  Got to spend time with him, TD, TD’s kids and had a damn good day.  Was driving home last night with a smile on my face and that hasn’t happened much this year.  I get off the freeway onto a busy road and what do I see running towards me but a tiny little dog.  Down the middle of the street.  Terrified.  Before I can pull over, another one goes whizzing past.  I opt to just stop the car in traffic, put on my hazards and try to do what I can.  As I am about to turn around and run after the dogs in traffic, I look ahead.  What I see in front of me though, which looks to be some sort of a piece of something sort of spinning in the wind, is yet another little dog that had been run over and is literally pinned to the asphalt.  I run over there and this poor little guy is bleeding all over the place and is surrounded by a bunch of idiots people just staring at it.  I go to bend down and some man says not to, that the dog will bite me.  Big deal.  I run back to my car and grab a towel, pick up the dog, wrap him tightly to try to stop the bleeding, hug him to me and race to the nearest emergency vet.  By the time I get there, not only is my car covered in blood but so am I am and so is the pretty dress I was wearing.  They rushed this little man into triage and there was so much damage to assess that I sat in a room, hysterical and covered in blood for what seemed like forever.  The vet finally comes in, says the dog has no tags, no microchip, has a smashed pelvis, a destroyed femur, has lost tons of blood and is basically an open wound from his front paw to his tail.  He spoke of amputation, months of rehab and wound/dressing changes and thousands upon thousands of dollars.  I don’t know if I’ve written about it here, but I am a huge animal lover.  There is nothing I wouldn’t do to save my dogs.  I would go without to help them before me.  I didn’t care about the money this little doggie would require, it was all the aftercare that was needed.  And the big possibility that he wouldn’t make it in the end anyway due to the amount of blood that he had lost and the fact that he wouldn’t even have enough skin to cover the wounds.  And I fell apart.  Here I was having to make a decision regarding someone else’s dog.  The dog was in pain and was basically dying.  How the hell was I supposed to be able to make that decision?  Well I did.  And I feel horrible about it.  This sweet dog, who had tried to bite everyone around him except for me as he was laying in the street, had trusted me to take care of him.  Didn’t once try to bite me.  Let me hold him to me as I frantically drove to the emergency vet and I’m the one who decided to end his life.  And I feel horrible about it.  He and all his siblings (I think there were 5 in all running down the road), with no owners in sight were in a less than stellar part of town.  I wanted to help the dogs.  I wanted to be able to catch the others before they got hurt.  I didn’t.  I couldn’t.  Instead I made the decision to put the poor little man who had trusted me out of his pain.  I went back to say goodbye  and he looked at me sweetly, while panting in pain (even though the nice vet had given him huge doses of pain meds), told him to be a good boy and that I was sorry.  Everyone there, staff and other clients, told me I did the right thing.  I don’t think I did.  I think I made the wrong decision.  I went back to the area that I found him today to see if I could find any of the other dogs but couldn’t.  Know what else I didn’t find.  I didn’t find ONE SINGLE lost dog sign.  I only hope that others were able to help the other doggies that were running down such a dangerous street.  I haven’t been able to stop crying or to stop seeing this little doggie’s face looking hopefully up at me.  People suck.  I suck.  Maybe I deserve all the crap that has been happening to me, but I’m pretty damn sure that this dog didn’t.

RIP little terrier man.  I’m so sorry 😦

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14 Responses to “The Universe Is Apparently Run By Some Dickhead Whom I Was Mean To……..”

  1. lafinwitu65 Says:

    Just think if you had not been there???
    You were a shelter in a crazy chaotic storm of pain and confusion.
    By taking him to the vet he didnt die cold on the street.
    By recieving some care, his pain was less then it would have been had you not.
    By picking him up you sheltered, protected and provided him comfort.

    Most important of all…..

    He had someone with him and was not alone as he passed. I am grateful he had someone to share his final moments with, Even if they were craptacular, sorry you had to go through this. I like to think I would have done the same thing. Glad you did… as a fellow dog lover thank you…..

    I made the mistake of watching that movie Marly and Me. Big, Big mistake as I have an awesome rescue. I dont like the reality of what will happen in 5-6 years. and I try not to think about it. He is the most awesome dog ever. He rescued me as much as I him. He is my friend, my buddy and a shining example of unconditional love.

  2. ifUseekAmy Says:

    Oh my god. I’m so sorry you had to go through this, but you have to please know that you DID do the right and humane thing for that little fella. And he knew it. And he’s looking down on you very fondly from doggy heaven. I don’t otherwise believe in heaven, but I DO believe that animals go there. xoxo

  3. everevie Says:

    I wrote a comment last night…and I was certain I posted it…but seeing as it’s not here, I guess I didn’t.

    Simply…I’m so incredibly sad that you had to go through that. But I firmly believe there is a reason it was you who was there. Most people wouldn’t have even bothered to help…but you are a compassionate woman and you deserve to be recognized for it.

    That sweet dog needed you…and you provided the kindness and the help he required.

    You are due for some good karma. I hope it comes your way soon.

  4. Thank you Evie, Lafin & Amy. I hope you’re right, I just feel like I should have tried to save him and taken care of him. 😦 He was a very sweet boy.

    • everevie Says:

      And you are a very sweet lady. You did the right thing. The vet and staff would have told you if they thought he stood a good chance at recovery. They are in the business of helping and healing animals. So, I really think they would have persuaded you to try. I know you aren’t religious…but trust me…if there is a Heaven, animals are the first ones invited in.There is no purer soul than that of an animal (even the icky ones…like rats and honey badgers). 🙂

      • I know Evie, and I know they wouldn’t have even ‘offered’ the euthanasia route if they didn’t feel like it was a necessary option, but still …… 😦 And yes, animals belong in heaven …..

  5. Oh my dear, don’t be so hard on yourself, you are an amazing person, and went above and beyond what you could do. He probably would have been in pain all the time if he had lived, and sometimes the most caring thing you can do is exactly what you did. Don’t feel so bad, cry, be sad, but be very proud that you had the heart and the guts to do what you did. Not many people in this world would have. And you know, he left this world with his last vision being you, and knowing that you cared enough to be there…

  6. Matthew Says:

    Way to almost bring me to tears. Yeah, I’m admitting it. I was already 100% guaranteed adopting when I get back to KC, but this definitely added at least an additional 10% to that. It’s time for some dog to get the type of good home I know I can provide.

    You absolutely did the right thing. That little guy trusted you…perhaps not to save his life but perhaps to bring him somewhere that he could die in peace and not in the middle of the road with a bunch of stupid d-bags staring at him.

  7. SillyG Says:

    Bawling. This just broke my heart. I am a huge animal lover too Grey Goose and can imagine how hard this was. You did the right thing for that poor little guy and gave him a bit of love.

    What the hell is wrong with all the people standing around. I hope that the rest of the dogs were saved. Like what the hell were they doing on that street. Who wasn’t looking after them. It makes me mad that this even happened.


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