The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Casual Dating ……… (Guest Blog Post By Matthew) September 20, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 9:20 am
Tags: , , , ,

* enjoy another great guest blog post by Matthew (you know, the one that has good luck in dating* 🙂


Good day from Los Angeles, California! The city of angels! It’s been a long time, has it not? So much has gone on since I last wrote so let me try to summarize things as best I can. (Trust me when I say summarizing is not one of my strong suits.)


First there was Red (the girl I met through a friend of mine). As of right now it would appear that are only going to be friends. Things got “weird” after a while and I’m not quite sure where to point blame. You see, from my perspective it looked like she was pulling away when it came to any signs of there being anything beyond a friendship. At the same time, most of the times we would see each other were arranged like one would make plans with a good friend. I tried taking her out on an actual date, making sure she understood I was looking at it as a date, and things just felt different.


Considering all of that, as of right now I can really only see a friendship with her right now. Could that change in the future? Sure. Maybe. She is attractive, easy to get along with, fun to be with, incredibly talented; any guy would be lucky to be with her.


But now there’s also the girl I briefly mentioned posts ago who I met via OkCupid. For the sake of continuity on this particular blog I’m going to call her DS. She and I did eventually end up meeting for coffee and sat there for 3 hours talking. A couple of weeks later we ended up going to a free art gallery event my city has at the beginning of every month. That particular date lasted about 10 hours, wrapping up at 4:30am. We made plans for that following Wednesday where she came over to my apartment and I made her dinner (bacon wrapped pork chops and baked sweet potatoes with green pepper and tomato). The rest of that evening we sat in the apartment and talked until a decent time to call it a night. The following day we were texting and I told her I really wanted to see her one more time before leaving for my trip (by then it was only a day away). She ended up coming over that night and didn’t leave until close to 3am.


Clearly I really like her.  DS and I click on so many levels, many similar levels to Red but with one major difference. DS and I have, without any doubt, chemistry. She and I have been texting every day since I left for my trip, and even the last four nights we’ve spoken on the phone before she goes to bed (since I’m currently 2 hours behind her).


Don’t go thinking all is 100% hunky-dory in Matthewland. What would life be if there weren’t a minor hurdle? I call this a minor hurdle for obvious reasons which you’ll see as you read on.


Yesterday we essentially briefly had that discussion regarding seeing other people right now. For now, she is seeing other guys. That makes sense. We’ve technically only had 4 dates. We’ve only known each other for 2 months (if you start from when I sent her that first e-mail). Whatever we have right now is really young. It still needs necessary time to grow. I get that. She also needs time to be ‘single’ for reasons of her own which I am not going to divulge here.


Here’s the thing with me. I’m not much of a casual dater. If I’m interested in someone they, more-or-less, have 100% of my attention. I told her this. I told her I’ve never really been good at seeing more than one woman at a time so I probably wouldn’t be seeing anyone else while we’re dating. Trust me here people when I say I wish I could be more of a casual dater…but I’m not. I recently wrote an article on my blog about recognizing a good thing when it’s in front of you. Right now, she is that good thing. I recognize that.


I know she likes me. I mean, really likes me. If she didn’t we wouldn’t be texting every day. We wouldn’t talk every night just before she goes to sleep. I’m grateful she was up front and honest with me regarding seeing other guys. It sucks a little bit, but it also gives me reason to make sure I stand out above the rest of them.


I’m going to keep on doing what I’m doing, and hopefully (sooner than later) she’ll realize seeing any other guys is a waste of time. I don’t have to “step up” my “game” because how I pursue a relationship isn’t any different whether I’m the only guy she’s seeing or if I’m one of many.


But please don’t think I’m throwing all of my eggs in a basket that may not even be mine. While I may not be actively looking to date other women and DS and I are dating, it doesn’t mean that I’ll be waiting around for her to make up her mind either. If I happen to meet another woman during this situation I’m not going to necessarily turn my head at the opportunity.


This simply means that, through my eyes right now, I hope DS figures out everything she needs to before live intervenes and introduces someone else into my life.


6 Responses to “Casual Dating ……… (Guest Blog Post By Matthew)”

  1. Emilie Says:

    I understand what Matthew is saying and I am also not very good at casual dating either!!! actually casual dating makes me a bit nervous!!

    • Matthew Says:

      Emilie, I’m definitely glad to know I’m not the only one who isn’t very good at the entire casual business. I’m actually working on getting better at it because I certainly can see the benefits to “seeing what’s out there”. In either case, just do what feels best for you, because then the best you is going to be shown on the outside; the real us.

  2. singlewhitefemaledating Says:

    It seems more about timing than anything….? I like that you are open to other experiences, it is a healthier approach at this stage. Good Luck 😀

    • Matthew Says:

      There definitely is an element of timing in here SWFD. I’m a few months out of a relationship; as is she. With how new everything is between us it may just be a matter of time to help determine how much longer either of us wishes to remain single and/or move things to that next stage. Thank you.

  3. I’m gonna say that she’s just not that into him. Women, regardless of our situation, be it we just broke up with someone, work, whatever, if they really like you are going to seal the deal. We’re gonna make it happen or at least give it a good shot for a certain period of time. Just like a guy would. It sounds like she’s keeping him as a back up. He seems like a nice guy who needs to keep his eyes open to other women around him. Or just use her as a rebound. Lol

    • Matthew Says:

      That is an excellent point Confessions, and while part of me agrees with you there is another part of me that doesn’t. I have been guilty of wanting to keep things “open” for a little while longer even though I was completely 100% into a girl, I just wasn’t ready to assign exclusivity and/or a title to it yet. She wanted to move things forward and couldn’t deal with keeping things casual while I did whatever it was I needed, so she called it off. So, while it could be that she’s just not that into me; actions, comments and information I’ve acquired during the time we’ve been dating lead me to think otherwise.

      I could share some of those things, but I don’t feel it’s my place to share those so I hope you can trust that I don’t believe it’s a matter of her not being that into me. Actions speak louder than words and so far her actions drown out her words.

      But do trust me. Though I’m not actively looking to meet anyone new…who knows what could happen down the road. I am going to keep my eyes open and if someone should become a potential “prospect” I’ll let DS know. At that point things will basically become a “shit or get off the pot” situation (sorry GG for swearing on your blog).


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