43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

It Happened Again …….. October 10, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:07 pm

Actually, several ‘replays’ have occurred recently ………

Like all the icky men that have winked at me in the past winking at me again.  Yuck.

Like the guy on match that favorited me only to block me and disappear when I favorited him back.

Like the guy on match that favorited me only to block me and disappear when I favorited him back and then proceeded to wink at me 2 days ago.

Like the 58 year old who has apparently tracked me down from match to e-horror and sent me a communications request.

Like the guy who sent me a wink, so I read his profile and liked it.  I then returned his wink (yeah, because I can’t seem to muster the energy to send an actual message) and what does he do?  Winks again?! WTF?! I didn’t even think it would let you do that.

Like me seriously thinking about throwing in the towel on this whole internet dating thing.  Yes, again.

Like me having what appears to be a bit of a mid life crisis (I think this brings my count up to 3).  Not sure what I’m doing, why I’m doing it or how the hell I’m not going to end up growing old and dying alone.  With my 427 dogs, that is.  Who will inevitably eat me before anyone notices that I’m gone.  😦

Like me getting ‘confused’ a bit about TD again.  This time it’s all on me.  NO, no boundaries were crossed.  Nothing inappropriate was said or done.  No odd delusions of happily ever after with us.  Still, knowing full well that he’s not interested in anything but friendship with me, I managed to have a fit of jealousy when he told me, while I was convalescing at his house for the weekend (don’t worry, the kids were there), that he had a date on Sunday night.  Not only did he have a date, he had a date with someone he met several months ago and has apparently been in contact with ever since.  Someone that when we spoke about her the week prior, he assured me that he wasn’t interested in.  Someone who calls and texts him while she sits in her closet in order to feel safe.   (yes, you did just read that right).  Someone who he met up with again last Tuesday and ‘saw in a whole new light’.  Someone who ‘he can really see a future with’.  Why did he tell me all of this?  Why does he always overshare when he shouldn’t, yet clams up when he should?  We had a bit of a nasty fight (it was actually him getting angry that I was questioning him ….. i managed to stay completely calm).  Apparently, he carries around huge amounts of guilt regarding me and misinterprets my ‘hurt’ for ‘anger’.  I don’t get angry at him.  I get angry at myself and I get hurt that he cavalierly tells me things like ‘ I can really see a future with her ‘.  I’m no dummy.  I know he’s going to couple up sooner or later, he just doesn’t seem to understand that although I try my best, I am NOT a ‘normal’ (in any sense of the word) best friend and he needs to be careful about how he tells me some things.  Yup, that sounds as ridiculous to me as it must to you all two.  If I were a true friend, he should be able to tell me anything and I should be able to support and encourage him.  I’m not.  And he doesn’t.  Sure, I was still a bit out of it thanks to not processing the anesthesia from my surgery the day before all that well, but I can’t really blame it on that.  I’m trying to be happy for him.  I’m trying to encourage him to give her a chance instead of running away (as is his usual M.O.).  I guess I still don’t understand how someone can be so amazingly caring and yes, loving, to someone he has no real feelings for (me)?  Aside from his overshare, he was wonderful to me.  Waited on me hand and foot.  Was concerned as hell about how I was doing.  Was sweet and kind and caring and all around terrific.  Have I really been around such jackholes my whole life that when someone shows me this sort of kindness that I manage to convince myself that there’s more there than actually is (or that he’s is willing to admit?).  During our ‘fight’ he flat out said that he just wanted to be my friend and have me be his.  He also said that he knows he overshares.  And words things wrong.  And he feels horrible for it.  Oh, and he also told me that he’s taking a ‘break’ from online dating and took his profiles down.  Of course, he wanted me to know that it wasn’t just because of this closet sitting cafeteria worker, so didn’t want me to think he was totally set on her.  Uhm, what? Bleh, enough said.



7 Responses to “It Happened Again ……..”

  1. Nooooooooo….I must know why she sits in the closet. To feel safe? TD’s not so good at reading into red flags is he?

    • Apparently he’s not, but the saddest part is that the closet sitter is ‘better’ than I am??? I wish I could remember why he said she sits in the closet. It may be to feel safe. He told me once (when I thought she just texted him out of the blue sometimes and I used to refer to her as ‘closet gal’), but now I can’t ask (and have to call her by her real name – boo).

  2. Emilie Says:

    mmm…. he sound like a normal guy to me… most of them are clueless when it comes to female “friends” or simply the opposite-sex!! As for her, well she need her head check as she needs to sit in her closet to feel safe…. if she is really that scared, then she most likely needs a grad dog (the actual animal) and a baseball-bat (has to know how to swing one right)… but she diffidently does not need a man, as they can easily hid under the bed (seen that a couple of times, pff what a woose!!).. lol

    • I know Em. I just can’t get it through my head that someone as ‘sensitive’ as he is doesn’t realize what he’s saying or how he’s saying it. As for the closet sitter, I think she does it to feel safe emotionally (which makes her even more of a nutbag) . … I hope it’s at least a walk in ;-p

  3. Seriously girl…TD doesn’t deserve you as a friend nevermind anything else…move on from that hurt sugar…xoxo

    • Thanks Princess. He actually does deserve me as a friend. I’m not so sure that I deserve him. There’s nothing vindictive or mean about him, he’s just honest to god clueless and I can’t seem to get a handle on my ability to repeatedly be hurt by something that I know is never going to happen. I know though…. he deserves to be happy and can’t be if he’s always worried about how I’m going to react to something and I can’t keep making him feel guilty for something that really isn’t his fault (his not wanting a relationship with me). I wish it were more cut and dry, but I know what you’re saying ………

      • Redneckprincess Says:

        well nothing involving love is cut and dried sugar…but don’t ever make how you feel come second, because you are worried about his feelings. You are just as important as he is and you deserve to be happy 🙂 it just might be easier if you are away from him…xoxox

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