So I seem to be in another one of my man hater modes. Nice, right? Actually, It’s more of an everyone hater kinda thing. And that’s just not my style. I’m the ‘fixer’ of people. I’m the one that puts everyone else first and goes out of my way to make sure they are happy. I’m the cheerer-upper of the masses. This is pretty unfamiliar territory for me (at least before this year it was). I find myself not being able to be happy for anyone. My sister who has apparently already re-fallen in love after losing her husband tragically at the beginning of the year. For one of my girlfriends who has a new bf. For TD who is trying so desperately hard to find someone to make him happy. For the 10+ bride to be’s that I passed when I was out and about at a popular area for weekend revelry last night. I couldn’t be happy for any of them. Nor could I even manage to crack a smile for most of the evening. That’s not me. I don’t like this me. I find her ugly and annoying and it pretty much makes me feel like shit that I can’t be happy for others without tossing in the uber self involved ‘why not me?’ thought or comment. Ick.
Anyway, I have always been a huge proponent of online dating. It serves a purpose. You can find good people online. You just need to be patient and be able to realize that all the odd balls that seem to love to contact you aren’t your fault. You need to expect that the ones you like may not contact you back but you can bet your bottom dollar that the ones you’d never in a million years give a second look at will. You need to have a sense of humor about it. You need to be confident and not let any of it get you down. I find myself unable to embrace any of these concepts that I know to be true lately. So I have cancelled my membership to Match. I have hidden my profile on OkStupid. Because I can’t actually figure out how to delete my profile on E-Harm, I’ve just deleted all my pictures. Of course, my 4 year old profile on POF is still up only because I have no clue what my password is, but I’m hoping I’m buried deep within the dregs of society never to be found again. I have let myself get disappointed. I have taken my lack of success online personally. I have let it affect my self confidence. That’s just no good for me. I know better. I need to step away for a while.
With all this said, I am also going to be taking a break from blogging. As this is a dating blog, I find I don’t have much to share in that regard lately and I doubt anyone wants to hear about my winter grass sprouting. I am quite certain that I will be back (both dating and blogging) sooner than later, but I need to figure out how to get out of this craptastic place that I seem to be stuck in first.