43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

November 1st November 1, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 1:37 pm
Tags: , , , ,

For those of you that have been stupid bored insane  reading me for a while, you might recall that this day last year was one of the happiest days for me.  Ever.  It was the day that I thought I was finally going to get what I had hoped for and deserved for so many years.  That ever elusive feeling of absolute shock and joy that the man who you want, actually wants you too!  As we also know, that euphoria lasted all of about 10 days.  Until he dumped my ass due to ‘not being ready’.  What ensued was 365 days of uncertainty, hope, sorrow, laughter, tears and every other single emotion.  I went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows.  Mainly because of TD.  I held out hope that he would change his mind (yes, again) and choose me.  I opted to believe all that he said, all that he did, all that he promised me.  I, in turn, promised to patient and wait while he figured things out.  It’s been a crazy year.  I’ve been led on by him, I’ve opted to ignore what was really going on in exchange for believing what I wanted to believe.  I deluded myself time and again that he would ‘come around’.  Guess what?  He’s not.

I was over at his house last night handing out Halloween candy to the kiddos.  We were having a great time.  In the back of my mind I knew that Halloween of last year is when I spilled my guts to him about my interest (the first of MANY overshares) and then the following day, November 1st, is when he flat out told me that I was ‘the one’.   That I was ‘the one he saw a future with’.  He spoke in absolute terms of us and we and together and forever.  And I believed it.  Because I wanted to.  I tried to walk away 4 times.   Twice he called me back and the last two, well, I was the one to cave.  Anyway, I tried to push that all aside last night.  Too bad I couldn’t.  The evening ended with me telling him that today (November 1st) would be a very tough day for me due to what happened last year on this day.  That this day last year, I thought I was finally getting everything I wanted.  He looked quizzically at me and corrected me that it couldn’t possibly be ‘everything I wanted’ because he had only agreed to try dating.  Uhm …….. what?  In his head and memory, he has everything exactly backwards.  Instead of it being me that wanted to try just dating and him being the one to try to turn everything into now and forever via an instant relationship,  he truly remembers it as the opposite happening.  Too bad I have this blog to refer back to ……. it wasn’t me.  It was him.  Anyway, once I reminded him of what really transpired he dropped the bomb of ‘I honestly don’t remember it happening that way, but it never would have worked between us anyway’.  Ouch.

I won’t bore you with the details, but there was another long and drawn out conversation about ‘stuff’ today and forever more November 1st will not be in my memory as the day that TD told me that I was his ONE.  It will be the day that TD told me that I will NEVER be his ONE.  😦  Not sure how I feel about that.  No tears have been shed and although sure, I am sad to actually hear it, I think I needed to.  Pretty sure I’ve always and always would hold out hope that he would change his mind.  In the past he would never tell me that it would never be me.  Even when I’ve flat out asked him.  Last night and today though, he finally said ‘never’.


17 Responses to “November 1st”

  1. Citygirl Says:

    I feel your pain, but as hard as it is, you have to move on. I hate it when my friends say the same BS to me because you are hurting, but after a certain amount of time you’ll be saying, “What was I thinking, he was SO not right for me!” Can’t wait to read that post. 🙂

  2. lafinwitu65 Says:

    That sucks!! guys are evil…..

  3. 1smiles Says:

    Hugs. many, many of them coming to you.

    I heard that very thing, almost the same words too, from a man I first fell in love with at 17. And held out hopes for even when we reconnected 35 years later.

    Once he said those particular ‘never’ words. it was the final time I had to grieve for this man. I was able to move on. And stay moved on.

    Some men give us ambiguous responses, lead us on, encourage us to hold on… all for their own fear and selfishness. It is completely unfair.

    But now you and I know that truth and we never have to repeat it again.

    If a man indicates in any way that he is not ready… or if his words and his actions do not match… we know its time for you and I to head for the hills, on roller skates in fact.

  4. TikkTok Says:

    Wow. I’d seriously bitch slap him if I could and then vote him for “douche-bag cad of the year.” What an ass.

    In hindsight, you dodged that bullet! Whew.

    Hang tough. {{{hugs}}}

  5. Emilie Says:

    Oh gray! I am so sorry to hear that he finally made his mind and I am sure in 5 years from now he will regret… however you deserve a hole lot better then TD….

    I agree with tikktok on voting him douch-bag of the year however I would say of the century lol

    just be patient… the right guy for you is out there and he will be right just for you alone 🙂

  6. Yvonne Says:

    Aww, I’m sorry for your pain. Sometimes though, I think we need to go through that much angst and pain to know that it’s real, that it’s not going to be or to work, in order for us to truly understand and accept. But it sucks. Here’s hoping to happier and lighter days! 🙂

  7. Renny Says:

    Hi GG, I know it is not the best thing to hear but at least you can now firmly shut those doors and focus on brighter future 😉 onwards and upwards my friend, there is always something better waiting behind the horizon!

    Good luck. x

  8. […] me on Match.  It’s just bad.  No, really.  Anyway, I told you all about TD and his awesome declaration of ‘never’ to me.  What I don’t think I made clear was his insistence that things didn’t happen the way […]

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