I will be the first to advise anyone to take a chance on love. To put your whole heart and soul into someone and give things a chance. That the payoff will almost always outweigh the risk. That you’ll never know if you don’t try. You have to try. If you don’t, then you’ll never find the one you’re looking for. More importantly, the one that’s looking for you. You have got to be willing to risk being hurt in order to find that ever elusive feeling that makes you walk around smiling at nothing like a big idiot. Yup, I firmly believe in all of this. I also believe that this is one of those ‘do as I say, not as I do’ moments. That although the above is absolutely true and I know it, it doesn’t work for me. I work better when I keep my heart tightly locked in a little douchebag-proof box and then hide the key. Not only from them, but from myself. I work better when I don’t get excited about guys. When I don’t really believe what they tell me. When I don’t really pin any sort of hopes on anything. I just go out, enjoy myself (remember, I’m the one that can talk to a wall) and don’t count on ever seeing or talking to anyone again. This is a pretty sad and highly cynical way to be, but it’s what works for me. I look back on my dating (thanks blog) and had my funnest times when I was in that mindset. I opted to go a different route this past year and pretty much wore my heart on my sleeve. And as all two of you know, it didn’t work well for me. I have been a fairly pathetic and whiny soul for the majority of the year. I’m so sick of being sad that I choose to not be anymore. 🙂 In order for that to happen though, I need to go back to the way that probably landed me at the ripe old age of 45 and still single to begin with. And destined to a life of *gag* internet dating. I’m not sad about it though …… I’m sort of relieved. No risk no reward? Well how about no risk no humiliation?
Now, while this is what works for me, I DO NOT recommend this for anyone else. It’s a bit sad in and of itself, but I’d rather be alone and happy than worrying and questioning everything. Nope, I haven’t given up on finding love. I know I will one of these days. The poor sap is just going to need some sort of a magic spell and pick axe in order to unlock my heart again. If and when I meet him though and he is able to do so, we’ll both win!
Oh, and just for the record; although I clearly state all of this, we all know that I probably will do the whole thing over again with the next guy I think is ‘my one’. As I know I’ve already met ‘my one’ though, I’m okay with just meeting other guys and seeing what transpires. No biggie, right?