The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Back to the Dating Drawing Board…Again ~ Guest Blog Post By Matthew November 27, 2012

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:06 pm
Tags: , , , , ,
* While I’m still trying to figure out how to write about TD’s big non-surprise party, please enjoy another great guest post by Matthew*
Surprised to hear from me again? Curious where I’ve been the last couple of months? *Don’t worry, I wouldn’t be either.*
I suppose what happens is that when it comes to the exploits of finding dates, and going on the first date (or two), I have no problem documenting and sharing some of the details. However, once things have the potential to become something other than casual dating, or blog fodder, I want to respect said person and their privacy. They didn’t ask to be broadcast into the interwebs, so I just let it be.
That being said, yes, for the last couple of months I was dating a woman I met on OkCupid. The only problem was that when we met she had already been dating another guy, that she met on the site about two months earlier. Upon meeting me, keeping things relatively casual, she continued dating the two of us.
Long story short, things began to get more serious as time went by and eventually she had to make a choice. Unfortunately, I didn’t make the cut. I won’t disclose the reasons. I will say I believe she is making the wrong choice for all of the wrong reasons. *Because if she doesn’t want to be with me she obviously has abysmal taste in men :)*
Does the situation suck? Yes. Absolutely. She is a great woman. The potential for something great did exist. We had chemistry on various levels. It was all there…except the timing really.
Should her endeavors with this other guy implode, only time will be able to tell if I’m still available. However I did make it a point to ask her if she was absolutely certain this was the decision she wanted to make; explaining that if if so…the door for us ever was shutting and we would never be more than just friends from this point on.
So yes, we have decided to try and stay friends. I’ve made my peace with everything. Sure, there are times where things sting a little bit. Like last night I was logged into OkCupid and was deleting some old messages from women where the conversation went flat (stopped abruptly). It was then that I noticed the messages she and I had exchanged no longer had an image. She had either hidden, or removed, her profile. And it stung a little. There was a very small part of my mind that thought, “There is something about me that wasn’t good enough for her to remove her profile from the site; where this other guy has that ‘something’.”
But I know that’s a ridiculous way to think. How do I know that? Because I’ve told plenty of friends NOT to think that way when dealing with similar dating situations. I know that her reasons have absolutely nothing to do with me, the type of guy I am, or how I choose to live and date. She just wasn’t the person who is supposed to fully recognize all of those qualities in me.
One day I will find a woman who is as crazy about me, as I am for her.
Thus, brings us to where we are today.
I’m on the “hunt”.
Since she and I parted our romantic ways I have hit the ground running; determined to find the woman I’m going to marry. It may not be the next woman I date. Or the one after that. But eventually I’ll find her. Those are important, and specifically chosen, words too. I’ll find her. I’m done waiting for it to “just happen”. I don’t believe in that common phrase, “If you stop looking, that’s when it will happen.” To be honest with you, that typically really applies to women. Being a guy, you can’t stop looking. You stop looking, you’re screwed.
Here’s the plan. I’m going to take my online dating to a new level. Currently I have accounts on OkCupid and POF. When it comes to those two sites, I’ve had decent success on OkC and will continue to push on there. I’m probably going to deactivate my account on POF because there are very few women in my area, on that site, that catch my interest.
After the new year, if I haven’t “found” anyone yet, I’m going to bite the bullet and sign up for a pay dating site for my first time ever. This being the case, which site would you all recommend? I’m a 31 year old, single white male who lives in the Midwest. Which site has the most promise for me? Which one has the best deals? Which is more cost effective? 🙂
I’ll begin posting some profile updates; asking for opinions, thoughts and constructive criticism.

5 Responses to “Back to the Dating Drawing Board…Again ~ Guest Blog Post By Matthew”

  1. annie Says:

    small town midwest? I live in a Midwest town of about 100,000. I’m convinced there are about 5 people on Eharmony, although they do seem to be pretty good quality. So, I switched to Match. Much more activity on Match, but although the “odds are good”, the “goods are odd”. I’ve gone on more dates with Match, but few that I want to date more than once. I don’t know where you are, but my state is very frugal, so I think they don’t want to pay or put the extra effort into Eharmony. Match gets alot more action here.

    • Matthew Says:

      Thanks Annie. It seems like Match is definitely getting higher “scores” than Eharmony (from others I have spoken with as well.)

      Also, the city I live in has a population of roughly 600,000; so hopefully the odds are a bit in my favor.

  2. Matthew,

    I’ve been there and it hurts when a lady friend doesn’t choose you, whether it’s for someone else or not. But it’s really a Good Thing. She knew somehow that you might be a partial match, but not a great match for her. This doesn’t diminish anything at all about you, only to say that you and she aren’t as well-suited as you’d like. And it’s almost always the case that one of the two in a failed attempt at a relationship has feelings that are stronger and more hopeful. This time you were unlucky. Next time, it might you be letting someone down gently.

    I was on Match for a few months late last year. I found it a good place to meet normal women. I’ve only ever been on the one dating site, and not for long, but it seemed to work. Note that I don’t mean it was easy. I’m sure you know this, but you will definitely find lots of women that ignore you, vanish without explanation, express early interest then fade abruptly, pretend to be local when they’re actually in Russia or Africa, and so on. Sifting through the mess though, I met some fun and interesting women. Good luck with whatever site you choose.

    Cheers, SD

    • Matthew Says:

      Thanks SD. Dating is definitely never easy, online or in the real world. When I eventually make that ‘leap’ to (as all signs seem to be pointing to) Match, I’m hoping the frequency of women who vanish or disappear abruptly is much less than that of OkC.

      I don’t think I’ve ever encountered anyone pretending to be local and end up international. That’s interesting. Why bother doing something like that other than being completely bored?

      Very curious.

      Oh well, adventure non-the-less.

      • In my case, I’m in my 40s, and put a range of something like 35 to 54 for age in a potential date. The Russian and African women who contacted me would be in their 20s and looking for some dirty old man willing to be their ticket to a Green Card…

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