1) Spent 2 weeks off work from job #2 …….. 1st week because I couldn’t physically walk, part of 2nd week because I didn’t want to go back to work (you’d think I was independently wealthy with a mindset like that)
2) Went to TD’s to pull some pictures off of his computer for a collage I was making only to accidentally delete one. Only to go into the ‘recycle bin’ on his computer (the family computer, not any of the 3 ‘personal’ computers he has in his room/office) in order to retrieve it and instead was faced with 2 deleted pages for ‘Victoria’s Secret Sexy Lace Halter Babydoll’
whore-wear lingerie. Apparently underpaid lunch ladies like slutty apparel.
3) Spend Christmas with TD and his kids (and his entire extended family) and have his sister in law ask if I felt ‘weird’ being there on the outskirts. And then correcting herself and saying, oh wait, this is your job so you’re probably used to it.
4) Acted like a big baby X-Mas night when TD and his kids started a movie without telling me while I was still in the kitchen doing the dishes and got the wrath of TD’s pent up frustrations in return
5) ‘Got’ to meet a friend for lunch only to have him tell me that he was running 20 minutes late. Exactly 2 minutes before we were supposed to meet.
6) Found out last night, via a slip of the tongue from TD’s son when they came over to my house to install a ceiling fan, that they were all going skiing this weekend. Not only was I not invited (which I never expected to be), but his kids were instructed not to even tell me.
7) Realized that I don’t handle being lied to repeatedly. Regardless of the good intentions behind the lie/half truth/omission/bullshit story, a lie is a lie is a lie
8) Actually realized in Christmas day, as we were cooking side by side, how annoying TD really is and thinking to myself ‘damn, I don’t think I could ever be with such a know it all’ ………. then of course, immediately telling my inner voice to shut up
9) Had TD finish off my ‘honey do’ list
10) Told TD, almost a year to the date too late, that I was done. Only to have him tell me what a drama queen I am and that he is done. Only to have me know in my heart of hearts that he’s the real loser in all of this. I may have lost a ginormous part of my life in him, but he hasn’t been a good one lately (or for a long time). He has lost an amazing part of his. I made that family happier and did more for them than anyone ………. ever. I’ll miss his kids ridiculously but try not to miss him as much as I fear I will. I deserve better. I know I do. Sadly, I have not been my best self lately. I need to figure a lot of things out. And try to never let myself get in a situation like that again. Ever.