Just in case there was any doubt what a supreme mess I am, I actually have a list of shows that I cannot watch on television. Not because I find them offensive. Not because they are boring. Not because they are ridiculous. All because I tend have my *ahem* allergies kick in while I watch them. What? You don’t know what I mean? Let me give you a quick sampling of just two shows that I used to love watching, but no longer can and see if you can figure it out on your own. ‘Say Yes To The Dress’ & ‘Four Weddings’. Now I have never been one to chase a ring. I don’t have to be married. I’m not NOT watching these shows because I’m jealous of the dresses or the ceremonies or the planning or the 12 tiered cakes. There’s just one thing I am jealous of and that’s the bride. And not for being in the center of all the pomp and circumstance either, but because she has a man waiting for her at the end of the aisle who looks at her like she’s everything. It’s as simple as that. That’s what I’m jealous of.
I went out on a last-minute ‘date’ last night. With someone who I actually met through Match. In as much as she had a ‘meet and greet’ with TD and via them and they became friends(ish). And then we became friends. They are no longer really friends, but we still are. Me and her, not me and him. Duh. She called me last night because her son was with her ex husband and she was craving a certain restaurant in town. Although my current diet prevents me from actually eating or *gasp* drinking, I was more than happy to go meet her for the company. So off I went. We sat at the bar next to a creepy Mike Ditka look-alike who was apparently hanging on our every word. Nice. Now she had met a wonderful man about 6 months ago (not online, mind you). They fell in love and wouldn’t you know it, broke up last month. For dubious reasons (I think he’s just a commitment-phobe) as it sounded like they were great together. Anyway as she is genuinely heartbroken, she opted instead to try and cheer me up about TD as she knows him and our entire situation. When I told her that I was ‘fine’ and ‘over him’ she corrected me. And of course, she’s right. What I’m not over though, are all the lies and assurances for everything to be ‘fine’ regardless with us and then to see that he didn’t mean a damn word of it. Not even about us remaining friends. That sucks. Anyway, we both know that he made me question everything about myself and that’s just sucky and sad. And she reminded me of what it is about me that people (not guys, mind you) love. That I’m funny and witty and that I go out of my way to make others feel good about themselves. I guess that’s not a good combination with someone who just sucks all that shit up and never returns it. She simply said that ‘I’m a giver and he’s a taker’. And she’s right. And that’s that.
Anywhoo, we had a good time and it was nice to get to spend some time with her. Sober and hungry, but whatever. 😉 So back to the post at hand. That show that made me cry today (thanks TiVo). I’m watching friggin’ Denise Richard’s dad on Millionaire Matchmaker go on his first date using Patty Stanger’s services and guess what? They fell in love. And it was sweet and awesome and he genuinely seems like a nice man who deserves happiness. And yet, as I got all teary eyed watching it, all I could think was ‘why isn’t that me’? No, not necessarily with Denise Richards’ 62 year old father mind you, but with anyone. And that’s when I decided to add MMM to my list of ‘no watch’ shows. ‘Cause apparently I can’t watch others be happy. I much prefer the train-wreck dates. Like the other guy on the show that bragged that he’s been on 400 dates in the last 2 years. And I realized that one of these days, if I’m not careful, I’m going to end up with a douchebag like him. Or even worse, end up being him. Boo.
And then I proceeded to screw up my diet by eating a big ole bowl of croissant bread pudding ………… shit.