all two of you we needed any more confirmation of this fact, it was made official today. No, not that I’m lame. We all know that’s not totally true. We all know I’m forever single. We all know that apparently someone informed Match.com that I can’t dance for shit when sober, so the thought of me, on a diet and on the wagon actually taking a dance class with a friend and other assorted singles would probably be a very bad idea. So they cancelled the ‘dance class’ for tonight. Thank GOD!!! Oh, I mean, I was really looking forward to it friend (now we can just reinvest that $25 into happy hour on Friday which I feel is a much better investment ;-)). We also know that I’m: bitter, jaded, cynical, sarcastic, self pitying, annoying, enabling and just plain ridiculous at times. Duh. That’s not what was confirmed today. What was, is that I’m officially old. Still. WTF is bursitis and why is it in my shoulder? Isn’t that what 90 year olds get from playing shuffle board a bit too enthusiastically? And why, pray tell, if I let my doctor shove a needle into said shoulder on Friday with a lovely cortisone injection am I not feeling the slightest bit bionic at the moment?
In better news, I have not one, but two (TWO!) dates this weekend! I’m so excited! I have no clue what I’ll wear, but I know I’ll have fun! One is to happy hour and the other is to the movies. Not just any movie though, a really friggin’ funny one at one of those luxury theatres with the ginormous barca-loungers where they have full bar service and real(ish) food! Obviously, afforementioned diet ends tomorrow. Want to know why I’m so excited and not the least bit nervous or discouraged or any of my other usual pre-date feelings? That is simply because of this one fact. I know both of these people and they’re both awesome! They’re funny and nice and love me for me. And neither is in possession of a penis. Unless of course, they have one in their purse. Ick.