The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

Dinner …… and Not In Arkansas March 7, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 6:34 pm
Tags: , , ,

So Arkansas is still bugging me.  I say ‘bugging’ instead of wooing or pursuing me as it’s just downright annoying at this point.  I think it’s been two weeks of his incessant text messages and yet, thanks to his craptastic night schedule and my uber busy day schedule, we have not yet met.  I find it entirely endearing when a man I’ve met and like texts me non stop.  I find it hugely annoying when a man I haven’t yet met and am not all that excited about meeting does.  We finally coordinated plans to meet for lunch tomorrow.  This is after my having to cancel last week and his having to cancel today.  He’s now decided that he’s going to let his son skip school tomorrow so they can ‘hang out together all day’.  Uhm, is that an Arkansas thing?  That parents just randomly take their grade school aged kids out of class to ‘hang out’ instead?  No bueno in my book.  It’s not even his birthday.  Or a holiday.  Just a random Friday.  Needless to say, he cancelled for tomorrow and wanted to see (this morning) if we could still meet today.  Uh, NO.  I opted out of responding.  His last message to me was asking if I could do lunch on Sunday.  My one day off.  Guess what my response was?  Well, I’ll let you know should I opt to respond.  Let this be a warning all you male online daters ……. texting forever without actually meeting gets boring!  I think it’s one of the quickest ways for someone to lose interest.  Either make plans and stick to them (and that does not mean invite said woman out for drinks ‘after work’ (1am) for a 1st meeting ……. unless you’re 24……. and she’s a moron).  Just sayin’.

Enough of that.  Remember TD’s son that invited me to go out to dinner with he and his girlfriend ’cause he missed me?  Remember how TD put the kibosh on that?  As I really wanted to see the kids and the only way I was going to be able to do that without either TD or TD’s ex wife’s respective heads exploding would be to have TD be there as well.  Yey.  Not really.  It was decided that I would come to their house and make dinner.  I actually miss cooking for them.  TD is a horrible cook as is their mother, so I’m happy to provide them with a yummy meal.  So it was TD, TD’s son, TD’s son’s girlfriend, TD’s daughter and her friend.  Oh, and me.  And it was a pretty good night.  I got there around 3 and TD was still working in his home office so I hung out with the kids.  His daughter was making bread in the bread machine I got her for Christmas which made me really happy because a) that means she likes it b) i’ve never seen how one works c) I’m pretty sure she opted to make bread so that I would know that she liked the gift I gave her.  And I love her for that.  I was also glad that TD’s son’s girlfriend was there.  She and TD don’t get along.  Yes, you read that correctly, TD does not get along with a 16 year old girl.  He doesn’t think she’s ‘right’ for his son and tends to hold a grudge.  I’ve always been the go between in everything.  While I agree that she’s not right for his son, she has some good qualities and until C decides for himself that she’s not ‘the one’, then it’s best that everyone just try to get along.  So here we all were, the 6 of us, one big happy family.  Ha.  We talked and laughed and caught up.  We all had dinner, laughed some more and then cleaned the kitchen together.  At one time or another during dinner every single child there (yes, including the girlfriend and the friend) said that they had missed me and that it had been too long since they’d seen me.  Wow.  While hugely sweet of them to say and while I couldn’t agree more, what the hell was I supposed to say?  I told them all that I missed them.  And that it was TD’s fault that I had been banned from the house and their lives for the past 3 months.

After dinner we all played a game of LIFE (I’ve never played that game before ……. I totally lost …….. huh, how fitting) and then watched a movie.  I truly thought I would just make dinner, get to talk to everyone and then leave.  I was surprised that I got invited to stay for a movie as well.  All in all I was there @ 7 hours.  Which seemed like 1.  TD and I were fine together.  No real awkwardness as he annoyed regaled me with stories of all his dates and all about how he knows that he and CDLL aren’t over yet *gag*.  The kids and I were great together.  I miss being with all of them but will never again allow TD to have any sort of a hold on my heart.  I am trying my best to figure out if I could even ever want to be friends with him, but I honestly don’t know.  We have such a history, but the past 3 months never should have happened.  Words were said on both our sides that can never be taken back.  A once great friendship was ruined.  Possibly beyond repair.  I doubt I’ll ever forgive him…..

Anyway, it was a pleasant evening.  TD and his son walked me out to my car after the movie and after a cordial ‘goodbye and thanks for dinner’, TD went back in.  His son did not.  I could tell he wanted to talk to me about something.  And I was right.  He asked how ‘things went’ tonight.  Why I haven’t been around.  How he hoped that I and his dad were ‘okay’ with each other because he was concerned about all the tension between us in the few times that we’ve seen each other in the past few months.  It broke my heart.  He asked if I was going to be at his basketball game on Monday.  And if I was coming over again over the weekend.  And all I could say was that I didn’t know.  That his dad and I were trying to figure out if we could be friends again, but that it was nothing for him to worry about.  I told him that I loved he and his sister and would never choose to be away from them, but that things were complicated and that there were apparently pressures from many different angles and people for TD not to be friends with me.  That it’s not ‘right’.  I certainly didn’t tell him that his mom is one of those people, but it truly made me sad not to be able to just say ‘sure’! when he invited me somewhere.  I know he misses me and wants me back in his life.  I’m damn good for those kids.  I’m stunned that a 16 year old boy could be so compassionate and thoughtful.  I know he wants me around more.  He dropped so many hints before, during and after dinner regarding things that I had said in the past that we could all do together.  None went without notice by me.  All went without notice by TD.

I really don’t have any idea how involved I can/want to be in their lives again.  I do not forgive TD.  Sure, I will always know all the wonderful qualities that he possesses and think that someone one of these days is going to be very lucky to have him (should the closet dweller not lock him away in her attic), but he broke just about every code of friendship.  Truth be told, I probably did too, but it is what it is and the past can’t be changed.  It was just nice to know that we could all get together, maybe the first of many, probably the one and only …. and have a good time.  His kids are amazing.  They love me and I love them.  And that’s that.


2 Responses to “Dinner …… and Not In Arkansas”

  1. The Dating Circus Says:

    Wow. Tough night, tough emotions. I feel like I can relate. As you may or may not remember from last year’s blogs, I used to be a step-mom to three kids for about five years. Their mom is an absolute loser who left them and dad turned out to be an alcoholic depressive. Needless to say, I developed an awesome relationship with them and they were a huge consideration in my divorce because I felt that they needed me. Since then, I have tried to be here for them if they want me, send them cards etc. But at a distance. If they reach out for me, I am here. I do not initiate contact myself. As of recent times, even sending cards has become a bit tumultuous so I think I may be stopping. Not 100% sure yet. I have been told and want to share this with you: You impacted their lives in a very positive way and they will be better humans for it. Not sure if this helps or not but I can imagine how you felt that night and how you are feeling right now.

    • Hiya DC! It was actually a great night, but yes, tough emotions. Not sure what to do from here on out. I know TD’s son wants me around and that’s why he keeps inviting me to things …… I don’t like that I have to have it all approved by TD, but there’s no way around it unless I just say ‘no’ to any future contact which I don’t really want to do 😦

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