*warning* short, but introspective and sad(ish) post to follow*
And yes, it involves TD. Get over it. Nope, not gonna rehash everything. Not going to wonder ‘why’. Or better yet, ‘why not’. People that used to see us together thought we were the perfect couple ~ even when we weren’t ever technically ‘a couple’. Everyone told us that. His friends, my friends, random people in bars. We were. We laughed, we glowed, we made each other want to be a better person. I was at my best with him (for however short a time it was).
I am well aware that I have changed, and not for the better, over the past year thanks to him. I’ve become sad and unsure of myself. I’ve questioned myself, him and everything more times than I care to remember. I know I’m not nearly the person I used to be and that instead of making me a better person like he used to, TD makes me a worse one.
My realtor guru said it best tonight. We’ve known each other for years. I consider her a friend. She called me after meeting TD and I. Don’t ask why we were together, it’s a business deal that we’re trying to get out of. She’d never seen us together before. She has listened to all my bitching and moaning about him and all that he’s done/not done to/for me over the past year and a half. She thinks I’m a great person. Fun and lively; witty, smart and thoughtful. She called me after she left tonight to let me know that although she couldn’t get a good handle on TD from the short amount of time that she was with us, she hated how I ‘changed’ from the time that we were together talking to when he walked in. She hated who I automatically turned into. She said it made her sad. She said that I totally changed and that I reminded her of one of those horrible after school specials where you can always pick out the battered woman. The one who is being controlled or always afraid of doing something wrong. She said that was me. What she also said, that I don’t think I’ll ever forget and makes me exceptionally sad to have let anyone do this to me is simply this:
He walked in and your light went out. 😦
I may actually cry………