So today was my
dreaded lunch date with Arkansas. After hemming and hawing for the last 3 weeks and trying to half assed figure out a time that would work for us to meet with my uber swamped schedule and his shitty night schedule, I finally gave in for today. Although I have actually been really busy with work and work and stuff, I was also running out of made up excuses. If my excuses were reality, I would lead one damn exciting life! So far in the past 3 weeks I’ve been to the movies 3 times, hiking 3 times, gone to California, gone to laser tag (what? I was under pressure and he caught me off guard), and taught several cooking classes. None of the above being true, of course. I’ve really just been working and going to happy hour. And avoiding meeting him. Aren’t I a peach?
He’s been texting me incessantly at all hours of the day and night and seems to have an affinity for calling me ‘hot’. Call me crazy, I find that totally creepy coming from someone I’ve never met. As you may, or may not, recall we’ve only spoken on the phone once. A 20 minute conversation of him not bothering to take a breath between bitching about his ex-wife, his job and the state that we live in. *Sigh* I’m sure you can understand my
lack of excitement. Honestly, I pointed out twice before that I don’t think we have enough in common and that I don’t think our schedules work together. He wouldn’t give up. Or give in. And I’m a pussy. And a girl’s gotta eat, right?
So today was the day. And my day was crazy busy. And I almost cancelled but didn’t have the heart. Shhhhh, don’t tell anyone that I can actually be nice on rare occasions. He picked a restaurant and a time to meet. And it was closed. Nice. Then he hemmed and hawed on where to go instead and you’ll all be proud of me for not getting aggravated (more than I usually am) when it took him no less than 10 minutes to pick an alternate place (although we were standing right in the middle of about a bazillion options). So he picked one. And we went for wings. Lovely. As he was everything I expected him to be: short, dressed in shorts and a rugby shirt, bald, whiney and sporting some very fucked up teeth, it was fine with me. We grabbed a table and he started talking. And never stopped. An hour and a half of him talking. And talking. And talking. It was fairly impressive. Oh, and annoying. He was so nice, but between the bitching about his wife, declaring his love of Ultimate Fighting, the fact that he can’t find anywhere to shoot at squirrels (?), his love of overalls (!), and displaying his supreme level of bigotry, 2pm couldn’t have come fast enough. He didn’t ask me one single thing….just rambled on about himself. Odd.
I knew he wasn’t going to be my type, but I thought I’d give it a chance in the hopes that he would surprise me. He didn’t. Oh wait, he did. When he tried to kiss me after walking me to my car. And trying to look down my low-cut dress. What? I assumed we wouldn’t hit it off, so the least I could do was to throw him a bone and at least provide a nice view.
Of course, on the way home, I received a text from him. That said ‘I had fun. Your (yes, he spelled it just like that) even hotter in person”. *sigh* I wish I could have said the same for him. I fear I will not be moving back to Arkansas with him ……….