43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Now’s Your Chance Guys ….. April 28, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 1:57 pm
Tags: , , , ,

So I received an interesting comment a little bit ago and it’s made me think.  It actually makes perfect sense, yet doesn’t.  It would be easy for me to blame all of my dating ‘luck’ (or lack thereof) online based on the sheer fact that I am dating online.  I can’t decide if I agree or not.  Read for yourself:

I too am 43 and single (6 years celibate) and currently dating. I have only one suggestion. STOP THE ONLINE DATING. There is something desperate about a woman searching for men… They know just by you being on there that you are lonely and they tend to treat it like a buffet. Which is why even when things seem to be going ok they disappear, because there are so many other lonely women to choose from. Online dating makes you an option. Think about it. That is not what you want. You desire to be somebody’s one and only. Just like when you meet someone you are feeling good about and hope things will go further that’s what you want him to feel as well. You are setting yourself up every time, Simply because from the time you log on YOU ARE AN OPTION. Online dating should be for entertainment only. Something to do when you have nothing to do. But never as a means to actually meet that special someone. (If you get lucky) Then whoopee!

Think about what I’m saying…
There are so many ways and places to meet men. Without looking like you are wearing a sign. They love the chase and believe it or not you take that away just by having an online profile. Just by hanging out at Sporting Events, Bowling, Sports Bars ect.. (everywhere men are) You may not meet someone every time. But honestly it only takes once.

Is this true?  As we all know, I suck at providing any sort of ‘chase’ (probably why I’m still single) and would hope that there’s at least one guy out there that would appreciate not having to work so hard and knowing up front how I feel.  It’s not like I gush all over them, but if I like someone, I let them know.  Not in a creepy first date ‘marry me’ sorta way, but I don’t play hard to get and I don’t play games.  We all know that I made myself WAY too available to a certain someone who clearly gravitates to women who aren’t fully available and that he has to work really hard in order to ‘get’.  Are all men like this though?  While I would LOVE to meet someone organically or while I’m out and about, the sheer fact of the matter is that I don’t.  And I mean ever.  I go out (sometimes).  I go to bars (sometimes).  I go to sporting events and the grocery store and outdoor concerts and meetup events.  I have yet to ever be approached by anyone interested in asking me out.  Ever.  Oh wait, I did have a 76 year old little Italian man who was just about eye level with my chest hit on me last night, but I’d like to think that doesn’t count.

I know that there are men that follow my blog (don’t worry, I won’t tell), so I would very much appreciate your input on this (women too, of course).  Does the sheer fact that I online date make me ‘desperate’ and therefore only an ‘option’?

(and, just to be clear, I am not looking for anyone to bash the author of this well thought out comment ….. she took the time to write it to me and I very much appreciate that)

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10 Responses to “Now’s Your Chance Guys …..”

  1. I think that while there is some truth to that comment, all guys are not online looking for “options” on a “buffet” — some guys are actually trying to find that one person. Truthfully organic meetings are hard for some people. Both men and women. Myself included. I work a lot, have children and outside interests that involve men, but none that I was ever attracted to or interested in. I met Blue Eyes on Match and truthfully there is no way we would have ever met outside of that option. None. So while I met a huge group of assholes and jerks and men who say one thing but mean another online — I’m on the side of the fence that says online dating can work. It gets tough though because its so freaking time consuming it can start to feel like a job and that just sucks.

    I don’t think you can blame your dating “luck” on the fact that you’re online dating — you’re not opposed to other types of dating, but like you said the men are not approaching that way either! I think you can blame your dating luck on the fact that there are a shit ton of jerks out there and you just seem to be wading through them. I think, like most things, its cyclical. Hide your profile periodically, take a break from the bullshit now and then, but don’t rule out that your “one” may not have gotten the courage up to put himself out there yet — online or otherwise.

    Hugs GG

    • Thanks PDX. I forgot that you met Blue Eyes via Match. I know it works for some. I’m just not sure that online or organically are the issues with my ‘luck’. At heart, it’s got to be something that I’m doing wrong (or at least not doing right). But yes, there are a shit ton of idiots online 😦

  2. Online dating does work. It just can’t be your only way of dating. You still have to go out and meet other guys. I meet my girlfriend online but at the time I was also going out and meeting women. Being online doesn’t make you desperate. Everyone is an option. It’s about having the right options. I wouldn’t get caught up with the whole chase thing. Men aren’t looking for a chase. Men like cooperation. They like women that know what they want and aren’t afraid to go for it. Nothing is wrong with you telling a guy how you feel about him. You’ve just been making yourself available for guys that don’t appreciate that. Plenty of men out there looking for someone who isn’t going to play games and play hard to get.

  3. Matthew Says:

    Hmmm…yeah…I don’t really agree with that comment at all. Again, there may be some merit to it, due to some guys having that particular point-of-view; but on a whole I absolutely do not agree.

    The problem is not online dating. It is no longer a thing/place viewed for desperate people. Online dating has been around for more than a decade. To the person who made comment I simply say, “Times have changed, and this is the direction they’ve moved in. Get in the boat, or grab a life jacket and good luck.”

    Options? Buffet? Really? How is that any different than meeting someone “organically”?

    Plus the “they enjoy the chase” is getting old. If you put two women in front of me, whom I was attracted to and liked them both; one was playing games to keep the “chase” going and one was honest with me and just admitted she’d like me…do you know which way I’d go?

    I know you do.

    The “chase” girl would soon realize no one was chasing her, because I’m walking away with the woman who told me how she felt.

  4. You’ve already got the responses you need. I’ll add one thing: I don’t think it’s being online that’s an issue for any woman, but the way a woman handles herself online can be telling.

    I had some women who were dismissive and I lost all interest quickly; instead I was indignant. The same for women who were inherently suspicious of me. Then I had women who came across as desperate and that wasn’t appealing. But this really is no different to a meeting in another forum. There’s a balance, a dance, between two people who have the potential to become a couple. For each couple, the dance is different, but there is a choreography to it, and ignoring that can make it hard to find the common ground needed for a new relationship.

    For you personally, date in whatever forum you find comfortable. If you want any tips on what you do well and not so well, you’re sufficiently self-analytical that everything you need to know is already in your own posts. You’ve covered your best decisions and smart moves, and you’ve been open with the things you should have done differently. You’ve written your own instruction manual!

    Cheers, SD.

    • Thanks SD. Yes, I have chronicled the good, bad and the ugly of my dating life. A sort of ‘do as I say, not as I do’ guide for other online daters. 🙂 I don’t think I come across as desperate; if anything I probably lean too far towards the other end of the spectrum. Damn that happy medium, I can’t seem to find it …..

  5. Jacs Says:

    I have never once been asked out on a date and I ALWAYS hang out at places that have myriads of men ( huge sports fan) and always thought it was just I wasn’t good enough. I truly believe that most men don’t have what it takes to approach a random for more than just a sweaty dance in a crowded club, and in the same sentence, most women don’t exude an air of openness that will welcome a guy buying them a drink or striking up a conversation. Just me though….

    • Don’t ever think that it’s because you’re not good enough! You are. I think it is hard for guys and/or girls to just go up and approach someone ~ much easier thru the aide of a wingman 🙂


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