43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Why I’m An Idiot, Part 8,963 May 17, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 2:00 pm

Hopefully this will be the last in the series of ‘why I’m an idiot’ ’cause I don’t think anything can quite surpass what just happened.  Okay, what’s happened over the last year and half, but mainly what just happened at TD’s.

As I pull up, another car pulls into the driveway.  Holy hell!  Was it the ex, was it TCDLL?  I had no idea.  Well it was the ex.  Over to take ‘family’ photos.  Uhm, nice of TD to let me know ahead of time.  Guess who took the pictures?  Yes, that would be me.  Because I’m a moronic doormat apparently.  Next is getting to hear the extensive list of people going to the graduation ceremony.  The ceremony that TD told me almost 2 months ago that would have limited tickets per family, so he wasn’t sure if I’d be able to go (this was pre shit hitting fan).  Anyway, TCDLL is going, as is her daughter, and her daughter’s boyfriend, and her 2 sons, and TD’s oldest son’s new girlfriend, and probably random dipshits off the street.  But not me.  I had actually hoped that TD would suck it up and do the right thing by inviting me if not to the ceremony, at least to the party.  Nope.  He was nice enough however to make me feel guilty for making him feel guilty.  Whatever.  Fucking Asshole…….

I didn’t even get to spend much time with S as her mom was there.  Nice.  Anywho,  I got to see TD’s son & his girlfriend today so that was nice.  You know what was even nicer?  They left early and called me about 10 minutes later to see if I wanted to meet them at McDonald’s.  Ya’ know why?  Because these 2 16 year olds are amazingly empathetic and could see I was sad.  As they knew TD wasn’t going to do anything to try and make me feel better about the situation, they took it upon themselves.  And I love them for that.

As this is the last ‘milestone’ that I know about, I have no more excuses to see any of them.  😦


10 Responses to “Why I’m An Idiot, Part 8,963”

  1. M Says:

    If she just graduated HS then she’s old enough to decide with whom she will and will not have contact. Why are you assuming you won’t be there 5, 10, 15 years from now? Sounds a bit dramatic. You have contact with his son. You think brother and sister don’t talk? Do you not think she’s able to maintain contact if she so chooses?

    • Hi M, I say that only because I know her. She is so introverted and shy that she will not reach out first to anyone. She waits for others to engage her or she just won’t do anything. While I have no doubt that I will remain in contact with TD’s son as he contacts me all the time and I reciprocate, his daughter is entirely different and has never contacted me 1st. My dilemma/worry is not wanting to ‘bother’ her. Although I know she loves me, I don’t know that she actually cares one way or the other (yes, she’s that disinterested in just about everything). So while apparently you and TD will call me overly dramatic (and I may very well be), it’s a valid concern. I’ve stated before that she reminds me of myself at her age and although I have come a loooong way, the insecurity of people not actually liking me (or me bothering them) lingers. In addition, she is entirely dependent on TD and if she even suspects that TD doesn’t want me in contact with her, she won’t. His son is much more independent and outgoing.

      • M Says:

        You have an ally in her brother. He knows you’re genuine. If he hasn’t already shared his thoughts about that with her I can’t imagine that he won’t at some point. Sometimes all we can do is let someone know that our hearts and doors are open to them. You said yourself that you’ve come a long way, she may very well do the same

  2. Kay BeeBee Says:

    Aw …I feel sad for you that you are missing such an important day. When relationships end we lose so many people that circled that relationship and that is almost as sad as the loss of the actual relationship. Hug for you and hope that she does find at least some small way to acknowledge your love, care and interest xx

    • Thanks KBB. I’m actually not sure that I made the right decision in not just going to her party anyway. She was an important part of my life and everyone there knows that. One of these days I’ll learn to stand up for what’s important to me and ‘right’. I fear I did the wrong thing by not going and just reconfirmed, to everyone, that I don’t belong there or in their lives. This was a tough one……. I need to stop 2nd guessing myself on everything …

  3. Grace Says:

    oh honey, I am sorry you are going through a breakup…
    I hate to say it, but his family is, well, his. Unfortunately when we have breakups – even divorces, most families stick with blood over an ex. It’s natural. You can’t help S – she’s not your daughter. If she is close to her daddy, then that’s where her alliance lies.
    I’ve been in your shoes (I even held that camera). I’m a really good Mommy and love kids – but I learned a long time ago to let go. If they want to contact you, great. If not, that’s ok too.
    It’s time to get a little selfish. You need to spend some time figuring out why you picked a guy who treats you this way. I spent a year and a half on my own – and faced some shit. It helped me then go pick the right guy. I am now married to a man who treats me the way I want to be treated. His family is mine. I am absolutely adored – it’s an amazing feeling.
    all the best to you dear

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Hi Grace, you’re right, they’re not my family. TD wasn’t always the way he is now. I keep giving him the benefit of the doubt that the old version of him is still there and it’s not…..

      Congrats on finding a great guy!

  4. Matthew Says:

    BOO! (in a negative light, not in a scary ghost light).

    • I’m still amazed (no clue why at this point) and disappointed that he didn’t do the right thing ……. to be perfectly honest he did invite me, but phrased it exactly like this “you can come, but as it’s S’s day and it would create problems with TCDLL & the ex, you would be taking away from the real reason for everyone being there’ …… effectively making it impossible for me to say that I still wanted to go …… so strange that I couldn’t see what he was doing at the time that he was doing it (and the fact that it wouldn’t be me causing the issue but the ex and TCDLL) ……. the reason he gave me for not being invited to the ceremony? well that would be because the ex wouldn’t like it and as S is her daughter, I shouldn’t be there……. that one might make sense had the fact that the ex wasn’t actually going to the ceremony come out when we were at the house….. i’m such a spineless ninny in regards to him. He did all of this in order to protect TCDLL and himself 😦

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