43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

As Promised ……. Or, Fuck You J June 2, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:22 pm

Nope, this isn’t a post about TD (you’re welcome), it’s about my inability to realize that you can’t reason with irrational people and that I need to learn to just let things go.  I’ve posted about the messages between TD’s ex and I.  She opted to send another one a few days ago.  And it’s pretty damn mean.  And I have no idea why people think they can talk to me/treat me this way.  Yes, I know it’s because I allow it, but with her, I barely interact with her.  I’ve probably seen her all of 10 times in the past 2 years.  And of those 10 times I think I’ve seen her smile twice.  She’s just a sad and bitter woman who has partied too hard in the past and probably now realizes that she’s wasted a good part of her life being a bitch not being a very good mother (or human being).  As promised, and because I don’t really give a shit at this point, I’ve opted to post all the messages between us ……. feel free to tell me if I was out of line; I just get very defensive when attacked for reasons that I know nothing about.  She used some ‘hot button’ words in her 1st message to me which I don’t do well with either ……

The 1st Message From Her to Me: I have talked to TD in the past and expressed my feelings to him  about your friendship with C and S.  He told me that he would talk to you.  I don’t know if he ever did….if he did, you have chosen to ignore my  wishes….if he didn’t, I am guessing he didn’t want to hurt your feelings. The bottom line is that your gifts to the kids are not only over-the-top but are inappropriate as well….a sewing machine, bread maker, $100, etc.  These gifts are not even acceptable from significant others. I know that you and TD are friends…and I know that you would like to be more than that.  The thing is, the kids know this too.  Your gift giving and wanting to be a part of every major/minor event in their lives is sending not only the wrong message, but perhaps, even a skewed message to them.  I am not comfortable with you using the kids to be close to TD.  They are not your surrogate family. You are a great person and you deserve to be happy and with someone who loves you. You need to move on and stop torturing yourself over TD.  I can only imagine how hard it is for you to be around him.   You deserve better.

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From Me to Her: You obviously have no idea what the situation is these days, so please don’t presume to know me or my intentions. I’m sorry that you find it hard to believe that I enjoy C & S company for just that, their company. I love your children for their bright and wonderful personalities.  As their mother I would hope you realize how amazing they are. As it was made clear to me that I was not welcome at the ceremony or party on Friday, I chose to take the high road and arranged to see S privately. I was there to see her and ONLY her. I wish your intentions in sending that e-mail were to look out for the best interest of C & S, but unfortunately I am lead to believe that it was done solely to look out for only your own.  I will always have your kids’ best interests at heart and nothing else. I would appreciate you not contacting me again.

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From Her To Me: You have a lot of nerve telling me that I do NOT have my children’s best interest at heart and that you HOPE I know how amazing they are.  I AM their mother.  Everything I do is for my children.  You have no right to speak to me this way.  This just strengthens the fact that you have no respect for me, the mother of the children you claim to love.  I can believe that you enjoy their company, but you could have done so without the inappropriate gifts.  You are the one who chose not to respect my wishes… As far as the Ceremony & Grad Party…I was not the only one who thought it would be best that you were not there.  The relationship you have with TD is just a little weird and believe me I am not the only one that feels that way.  As far as taking the high road….you really did not have a choice.  When I saw the gift you had for S, I knew what it was just by the shape.  I should have called you on it then, but I didn’t want to ruin S’s day. I know that you knew you were in the wrong when you didn’t ask her to open it while I was there.  You knew it was going to upset me…..but you did it anyway.  If I had it my way she would give it back. I stand by my feelings and even more so now.  Whether you agree with my views or not….they are my children….I will do what I feel is best for them. You don’t have to agree or even understand…they are not your concern.  And with this last email from you, you are not even welcome to see them any more.  You are not a good influence… I haven’t been this upset with someone since M (the neighbor key wielding ex gf).  I am sorry this has turned out this way….I asked only one thing….for you to cool it on the gifts (TD agreed by the way)….but you couldn’t.  I am a very mild person, but when it comes to my kids it’s a different story. This will be my last contact with you…unless you choose to ignore my wishes again and contact my children in any way.

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From Me To Her:

I wish you would have just told me that you had an issue with the gifts without throwing in all the jabs and insults.  This all would have played out much differently.  I always chose the kids’ gifts based on what interests them and I put a lot of thought into them.  Aside from the $100 for C (which was strictly for his car fund and he knew that), none have cost anywhere near what you apparently think ($60 at most).  To be clear though, I had no idea that you ever had an issue with the gifts on special occasions.  Neither you or TD ever told me, so you attributing devious intentions just isn’t true.  It’s impossible for me to defy what I don’t know.

I have never disrespected you, undermined your authority as the kids’ mother (nor would I) or spoken a word against you to them.  Furthermore, I did not accuse you of not having the kids’ best interests at heart.  I apologize for any wording I used to make you think otherwise.  What I said was that your e mail to me full of veiled and not so veiled insults and hurtful statements seemed like it was more for your benefit than theirs.  It appeared to be written in order to hurt me (which it did). You accused me of bribing and using the kids and nothing could be further from the truth.

You’ve insulted me and talked poorly behind my back time and again and I have never done that to you. I’m just not sure why you felt the need to intentionally degrade me as you did in both messages.  I actually AM a good influence and have always come from a place of love for S and C and have always put others’ needs and wishes before my own.  For you to say I am otherwise is not based in reality.

I just don’t appreciate being insulted and threatened, J.  It’s not who I am or how I act, so it baffles me as to why you’d want to do that.  You felt the need to include much more in those e mails than just the gift giving and it wasn’t necessary.

THE END.  While I’ve always known that she was jealous of the relationship that I had/have (?) with her kids, I had no idea that she would attribute such deviousness to me.  I’ve never undermined her relationship with the kids or said a bad word against her around them.  She’s their mother; I am not.  I just happen to love,support & encourage them at every turn when she opts not to.  I think she has a lot of nerve insulting and intentionally trying to humiliate me when I haven’t done anything wrong other than love her children and be there for them when they needed me.  Pretty sure that was a clear threat at the end too ……… :-( boo
And, just because I didn’t include it in the final message I sent to her (and yes, I do mean final as I’m done with it ALL), I would like to post the sign off I really wanted to include in her message but never would.  “While I realize you are jealous that your kids love me and that I used to have a great relationship with TD, you have just proven what a petty and vindictive person you are.  No wonder TD talks about what a horrible mother you are.  Because in the end J, you’re not only a horrible mother, but a pretty sad excuse for a human being.  The day that I need some piece of shit, lazy, beat up bitter person who has never done anything for anyone without an ulterior motive (yes, your kids are included in this) to mock me is a day that will never come.  I fully realize that your dislike of me has absolutely nothing to do with ‘the gifts’ and you just used it as an excuse to come after me.  You need to work on you J and leave me the hell alone.  I’ve never done anything but love your children and encourage them in whatever they do.  Oh, and fuck you …. and your ex husband for not defending me.
*as an aside, although TD chose not to defend me in any of this, he did extend an invitation for me to meet he and his daughter for dinner last night …. I know this was his way of letting me know that he does not agree with J, even though he won’t stand up to her……….although there is nothing more I would love to do than to spend time with her, i declined the invitation……..for very obvious reasons 😦
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5 Responses to “As Promised ……. Or, Fuck You J”

  1. Matthew Says:

    First off…kudos for declining TD’s invite (as much as I know you likely wanted to see his daughter). Secondly, more kudos for standing up for yourself to J.

  2. cousin bette Says:

    This got out of hand. All of it. Wouldn’t it have just been easier after the first email to respond with “Thank you for your email. I will bear it all in mind. I’m sorry I upset you.” End of. She finished by wishing you happiness with a good person after all, on an ‘up’ note. And you know what, you really are failing to see it from her point of view, no matter what a crap human being she is. Because ultimately, she is still a human being with all the usual complicated emotions that human beings have. You know you are a kind, decent person, we know you are a kind decent person; she sees someone who appears to almost be stalking her children – it feels dangerous to her. Despite her ‘up’ note ending, your second email was mildly aggressive – not good. And let’s face it, GG, since you are only a human being too, you have taken pleasure in being a better influence, mom/friend figure, to the kids than she is. Don’t deny it. And she knows that. And that is painful to her because she knows she is way less than perfect.That hurts her too. I don’t expect you wanted to hear that from me, but there it is, my humble opinion. xx

    • Hi CB. I always appreciate your opinion as I know it’s honest. You’re absolutely right that I could have been the bigger person and not been so aggressive in my 1st response to her (I tried to clarify things in my 2nd – and final – response). I got caught up in her mocking my friendship with TD and with her accusation of me bribing and using the kids. After that, I saw her ‘kind’ ending as totally empty and mocking. I have had little to no contact with any of them in months and I don’t think it was wrong of me to want to take S a gift on her graduation day. None of this is black and white and I haven’t shared everything on here (believe it or not). I just don’t take kindly to being mocked and belittled. I get my feelings hurt and get defensive. The fact that I know that TD was never going to defend me added to everything. I know they’re not my family; or my kids. I’ve only ever had the best intentions though so I get a bit worked up when someone tries to tell me otherwise. I have never been ‘a better influence/whatever’ to the kids in a gloating way. It’s just who I am and yes, although I realize J’s shortcomings as a mom, I was just trying to bring something different to the table. NONE of this ever had to do with J. I thought we got along fine. I’ve just come to find out that she’s been badmouthing me since the get go and I’m not okay with that. Her final message to me yesterday (5 days after mine to her) was just deluded and intentionally mean. Again.

      I wish I were a better person regarding this, but I’m just not …….. I’m sad and hurt and bewildered by it all. This is ALL out of hand and I never thought that a day would actually come when I wished that I had never met TD ~ or his kids ~ or his crazy neighbor ~ or his ex wife, but sadly that’s where I find myself. I just don’t see a reason to ever kick a dog when it’s already down (and yes, I just compared myself to a dog …… awesome). Her timing couldn’t be worse on this as I’m just now starting to get my bearings again and undo all the damage that TD has done (and that I allowed), so when she opted to come at me, I opted to fight back. Mature? No. Justified? I don’t know……

      • cousin bette Says:

        Argh. Yes, my dear, time to move right on. In a similar but different kind of situation, I came to realize that the only person really hurting me was – tadaaa – me! Does it matter if my ex mother in law constantly bad mouths me to my kids? No. Not now. Let her. Because they and I know I am a wonderful person and the more she does it, the more it’s obvious (to them) what an utter cow she is and always has been. The moment I stopped giving a flying fuck (oops!) was the moment I was free of it all. Non-people deserve non-reactions. That’s where I’m currently at. I can’t promise that will never change. xx


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