43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Bueller???? October 5, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 12:07 pm
Tags: , , ,

So I’m WAY past owing all two of you everyone an update on what’s been going on.  Well settle in for a really exciting run-down.  Or a really boring one, you be the judge.  Okay fine, it’s boring as hell, that’s why I haven’t bothered writing.  When last I wrote I was probably whining about something.  You see, my writing has gotten so annoying that I can’t even bring myself to look back at my last post, but I’m pretty sure it was around my birthday.  Yeah, the one that upped my age by another year and upped my chances of finding an awesome guy by a negative 32. 😉 Although I’ve been keeping busy, none of what I am about to list include a man.  Of any sort.  Aside from my 3 male dogs.  Don’t be a hater, I am not the crazy dog lady………..yet.

* Turned 46 (yes, I’ve had this blog for 3 years!  my deepest apologies)

* Cancelled all my dating site profiles.  I figure if I get desperate for torture, I can just stab myself in the eye repeatedly with a rusty fork as that’s how amazingly enjoyable I had been finding dating every dipshit in town.  Luckily I’m not bitter, right? 😉

* Made a new BFF from a meet-up group I joined.  Yeah, I know, I’m supposed to be using my charms to attract men, but I seem to just be able to make new female friends.  No, I will not be considering lesbianism anytime soon.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just not my thing.

* Twin sister got married.

* Mother made a lovely backhanded toast aimed at me at the reception.  Something along the lines of ‘at least ONE of my daughters was able to find a good man and give me (step) grand-kids)’.  Nice.

* Was totally excluded from all festivities at said wedding & reception and sat in a completely different room from the rest of my family.

* Found out that the combination of crappy toast + twin getting married (again) + going stag + having to tell relatives and friends that yes, I’m still single + pain meds + 6 glasses of wine isn’t a good one

* Apparently my phone auto dials TD when I need help (I honestly have no recollection of calling him, yet there he was to take me home).  Stop rolling your eyes.  I get it; I hadn’t spoken to or seen him for 2+ months.  Nice to know that he’s always willing to save me when I need it though.

* Had surgery.

* Surgery didn’t work

* Scheduled big scary gruesome surgery for 2 months from now where I will willingly give back the jacked up knee that I seem to have gotten from some random 90 year old and hope that the new one is bionic.  Yes, in some things, I’m just an over-achiever in that most people having this surgery are 65+.  Boo.

* Went to Mexico for a long weekend. 

* Drank lots

* Ate lots

* Didn’t throw up.  Yey me!

* Am currently on medical leave from job #2 and figuring they’re going to fire my ass any day now since I’ve been out so long

* Actually debating whether or not to sign up again (what would this be, the 427th time) online

* Ooooh, met a cute guy.  Who had no interest in me whatsoever. 

* Pretty much I’ve just been doing my thing, going out lots with my new bestie and trying to avoid thinking of anything serious.

* OH!  And I had my ‘aura’ read.  Nope, don’t actually believe in that stuff, but whatever.  The lady who did it was very excited/surprised that all around my head was a halo of white.  She says that is very rare and that it’s truly a gift.  She says I’m being watched over by angels (obviously not cupid) and that I really should explore my ‘spiritual’ side.  Not really my thing.  Was nice to hear that I possess some very rare qualities (aside from snarkiness and my ability to repel men) though.  I did a bit more google research on the meaning of white in an aura photograph and did find that it is very rare and means that I am protected.  Too bad there were 2 other possible meanings.  #1 ~ that I’m on drugs and #2 ~ that I’m going to die soon.  Whoopsie.  I’m gonna go with the angel thing 🙂


12 Responses to “Bueller????”

  1. TikkTok Says:

    Well, at least there was alcohol. :/

    I’d like to kick your mother. That’s just mean and uncalled for. Blarg.

    I’d definitely go with the angel thing. Hoping she didn’t have cataracts……… 🙂

    • Haha, I hope she didn’t have cataracts either. As for my mother; she’s just kinda clueless … and tactless. I’m sure she meant it to be nice towards my sister and had no clue how it actually sounded (I wasn’t even sure if I was inferring something that wasn’t there until I saw everyone in the room turn to me – boo).

  2. My mom makes those jabs in relation to grand babies and I know she means it to be funny, but being sensitive to it makes it not so funny for me.

    As a former serial online dater I can totally relate to so much in this post. And I’m sorry, but I did chuckle a lot. Because it’s real.

    And I totally hated when people would say “stop looking and you’ll find it”. Fuck that. Nobody who is single and wanting to find love ever stops looking.

    But that’s actually what happened to me in the end. I swore off online dating, said fuck it to everyone who criticized me and kept my little “side piece” – the one everyone loved to hate, but I loved. And in the end I met my now-fiancé at work of all places. He totally wasn’t my type and we’re both super cool on the outside and totally dysfunctional on the inside…and well, it worked.

    So I won’t say “stop looking” because that’s stupid. But maybe stop looking? Only if you actually mean it, though.

    If you have good sex somewhere don’t stop that. Just enjoy it for what it is and move on when the time is right.

    • Hi MHM! Thanks for the comment. I’m glad that my post made you chuckle. That’s why I spew my nonsense all over the interwebs; so others can say their lives are AWESOME by comparison. 😉 Congrats on finding your ‘one’! That’s great! And sadly, my ‘guy everyone loves to hate’ is totally platonic and was once the one I thought was my ‘one’ and everyone LOVED. See? I’m totally screwed up! And while I’ll never totally stop looking, I’m working on putting my efforts elsewhere!

  3. Kay BeeBee Says:

    I so need to give up internet dating too … I cannot face one more boring date or big belly … but everytime I try I manage a month or so and then find my way back on … it is truly driving me crazy. There has GOT to be another way …. if you get any beacons of light about it please blog it and share okay! Enjoy your humour x

    • Not sure if I’ve totally given up exactly, but am certainly on a much needed extended break. Trouble is, I KNOW that there are good guys online; it’s just mucking through all the dregs of society to find them that gets annoying. 😉 If I do figure out a better way to meet men (aside from ramming my shopping cart into theirs in the frozen food aisle of the local grocery store), I’ll certainly let you know! 🙂

  4. tripletallmocha Says:

    I miss your posts. Glad to see you back even if just briefly.

  5. SillyG Says:

    nice to see you gg! …one good thing about being an only child is that when my mom slams me i at least don’t get compared to the ‘better’ sister.

    • Hiya Silly …. hmmmm, I guess at least I have sisters to help dilute my mom’s snarky comments …. she does have 4 of us to cover 🙂 And btw, althought i haven’t been writing, I have been following (and am secretly dating vicariously through you)!

  6. Kay Says:

    You’re better off single than married and miserable. My beautiful aunt who is single & fabulous once said, “Being single is a blessing!”

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