43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Is It Cheating If………………..? October 17, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:13 am
Tags: , , ,

I have a hugely delusional friend.  Yes, even using me, the educated, mature adult that has made up an imaginary boyfriend as the measuring stick.  He (of course it’s a guy) is a lot of things.  He’s  a lovely combination of smart, kind, caring,  and compassionate counterbalanced by the fact that he’s self involved, he’s got a victim mentality and he’s more than a little self righteous.  I’ve defended him more times than I can count in the past.  I don’t think this newest revelation is defensible.  Or in any way shape or form, right.  And may actually be the proverbial ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’.  We were talking the other day and here’s what came up.

Although he’s seeing someone for over a year now, a few months ago he sent a ‘drunk text’ to someone that he dated previously letting her know that he was thinking about her a lot.  In and of itself, that’s not TOO horrible as we all do stupid things we don’t really mean when under the influence.  Or so I’ve heard. 😉 Originally he told me that she never responded and that was that.  Turns out, he lied.  She did respond.  They have met up twice over the past 3 months.  They talk and text a few times a week.  He has not told this new person that he’s seeing someone.  He certainly hasn’t told his girlfriend that he’s seeing this other woman.  Due to the fact that they haven’t so much as touched, he does not consider this cheating.  I sure as hell do.  I don’t think there needs to be actual physical contact in order to count as cheating.

Isn’t the fact that he’s even communicating with someone who he is romantically interested in when he’s in a relationship with someone else considered cheating?

I’d love to hear your thoughts …………..

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11 Responses to “Is It Cheating If………………..?”

  1. For me – yes, it’s cheating. People have different arrangements in relationships, but the simple fact that neither woman has all the facts (in order to make the best decision for herself whether this is ok or not) makes it wrong in my eyes.

  2. Matthew Says:

    Basically, if you keep something hidden from someone, for whatever reason, you already know you’re doing something you shouldn’t. Is this universal? No.

    If a 5 year old’s gerbil gets sucked up by the vacuum, you don’t have to tell them the absolute truth. It could damage their innocence.

    I have female friends. My girlfriend is aware of this. I’m not romantically interested in them. If I were, I wouldn’t be dating my girlfriend. I don’t hide any of that from her. Why? There’s nothing to hide.

    Clearly if this is something to hide, more is going on that he’s will to admit (doesn’t have to be actions, but his intentions or desires). Even if they haven’t done anything…his keeping each woman oblivious of the other means he’s basically trying to play both sides. Problem here is if you burn a stick on both ends, it’s eventually going to burn you.

    • Has it really been so long since you’ve commented (or that I’ve posted) that I actually had to ‘approve’ you? 😉
      I love your ‘Matthewisms’ they’re always right on the mark!
      I fully agree that if there’s ‘nothing to hide’, then why hide it? Secrets are never a good thing and a relationship not built on trust isn’t much of a relationship…..

  3. Kay BeeBee Says:

    Absolutely … If a guy is investing emotional energy into a relationship AND is not sharing that with his current partner then he is cheating his sorry ass off …. Grrrrrrrrr to stupid hurtful selfish guys! X

  4. Dawn Says:

    If he’s hiding it…then he is being dishonest. No doubt.

  5. K. Lee Ellis Says:

    I completely agree with you! In relationships, it can be easy to have double standards. There have been a few times where I’ve caught myself doing something that, if the situation were reversed, would upset me. For me, I like to use this rule whenever possible. In your friend’s case, would HE care if his girlfriend was doing the same thing behind HIS back? Probably. What sucks for you, is now you know about it. It’s hard when your friends dump their misdeeds on you and there’s nothing you can do about it. Unless you get involved which is always icky. And a whole other topic!

    • Hi K. Thanks for the comment. I absolutely will NOT be getting involved. Aside from making me lose huge amounts of respect for him and it kinda illustrating how he never takes responsibility for anything, this issue doesn’t concern/affect/involve me.

      Look at me, evolving and stuff 😉


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