The Life & Times of a 54 Year Old Online Dater

Thoughts on My Experiences In Search of Love & Companionship, 10 Years Running

5th Time Is The Charm? November 14, 2013

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 8:44 am
Tags: , , ,

He started jogging again.  He HATES jogging.  He only ever did it because his crazy neighbor ex girlfriend liked it and it was an excuse to spend time together…….

When something doesn’t work out in a relationship and you ‘break up’ 4 times within a 4 year time period and then proceed to bitch, bad-mouth and obsess of said ex for the next 2 years, what would make someone think that maybe giving it just one more try would work?  No silly people, stop yelling at your screens and preparing to throw your computer out the window.  I’m not talking about me and TD.  I am, however, talking about TD and his crazy key-wielding ex who lives next door to him. 

I’ve been keeping my distance.  I haven’t seen him.  I only think about him once a day instead of 52.  I don’t communicate first.  I do, however, respond most times when he reaches out.  Yes, I know, I’m a dumbass.  I picked up his call yesterday and he proceeded to tell me that he has a ‘lunch meeting’ set up with her.  And then added ‘don’t hate me’.  I don’t even know what that means.  Although I have many reasons to hate him, and I guess the fact that I spent over a year trying to put him back together after she destroyed him should probably piss me off, but it just doesn’t. 

I’ve told him since day 1 that he wasn’t over her.  I’ve told him since day 1 that in the back of his mind he thinks they’re going to end up together.  I’ve told him since day 527 that just because he is currently in a ‘relationship’ with the world’s most ‘safe’ and boring person (yes, the closet dwelling lunch lady), that doesn’t mean that there’s not a happy medium between the crazy key wielding ex and the woman who sits in her closet and cries. 

He’s spent 2 years saying how evil and mean and black hearted she is.  He’s told his kids, his neighbors, the local bartender, the mailman, the people at the gym and pretty much everyone else he knows how much he hates her.  How on earth can he even consider giving it another chance?  She’s always wanted him back.  She’s tried to contact him many times in the past.  She’s very smart and very manipulative and I see it all starting again.  They haven’t spoken in 2 years yet the second there is a text conversation about meeting up and ‘getting closure’ (HA), she mysteriously sets all of her FB pictures to private.  What?! Of course I stalk; duh.  He does too.  If he hasn’t picked up this latest covert op of hers, then he’s dumber than I think.  She’s paraded men in and out of her house for the past 2 years.  She has young kids.  She hasn’t been alone more than 3 days over the past 2 years and usually moves the guy of the moment right on in.

She’s pretty and sexy and has a good body.  She also has a black heart, could win an academy award for acting otherwise and absolutely destroyed TD and his confidence the 1st time around.  She claims to have changed.  To be a much better person and mother.  He’s told me for 2 years that he’d never ever get back together with her.  He’s told me I was nuts for thinking that.  Yet here they are, meeting to ‘talk’ and ‘get some questions answered’.  Uhm, who cares what the answers are if you’re not interested?  He claims to just want closure.  To be able to be civil with her.  To find out ‘why’.  I know him too well, I see the writing on the wall.

He told me that one of the things he would have to think about was alienating people.  Like who?  His current girlfriend?  He says his kids 1st and foremost.  As it should be.  They know all that’s happened.  They’ve heard all the horrible things that he has said about her.  They’ve heard him declare ‘never again’.  And now he’s going to do it.  His kids are going to be uber confused.  I know what he’ll do because it’s what they did at the beginning of the 1st go around.  They’re going to sneak around.  Isn’t everything more fun when you can do it CIA style?  I asked him who else he was worried about ‘alienating’ with this catastrophically bad decision.  He said his #2 concern in all of this was me.  (insert big fat snort here)

How could he even consider this? Why do I care?  Why do I worry that she’s going to destroy him again?  Why do I care that he’s going to sacrifice his self respect in order to go back to the familiar? You’re all smart cookies …….. you know why.  The same reason I’ve sacrificed my self respect in an attempt to be his ‘friend’. 😦



9 Responses to “5th Time Is The Charm?”

  1. cousin bette Says:

    Because I am so (virtually) fond of you, I will stay silent on this matter…

  2. SillyG Says:

    ugh gg, he is even worse than before. go fix the swinger guy instead!

    • Apparently I have some fixing of my own to do….had kinda hoped I’d have been able to be further along in my ‘who gives a shit’ master plan 😦

      • SillyG Says:

        who needs master plans! well i almost called Sound Guy this week. didn’t, but I am sure I will cave soon…so ya, I suck too. …so if you figure out how to get that plan rolling let me know.

  3. EM Says:

    I have been having a similar issue myself. I have been friends with this guy for over 3 years now and decided to end our friendship because stupid me has feelings for him. So three years ago I meet this guy on a dating page, we hit it off and begin going out every weekend and texting every night. I am sympathetic because he just got out of a relationship so I do the nice thing and become his friend. Fast forward 3 years and he still is not ready to date, says he loves being single. Mind you he has only been with me…. in a strictly platonic fashion but still in my opinion is not really single. I have told him he is not over his ex, but he tells me he totally is (mind you they share a dog every other weekend – am I the only one who thinks this it totally nuts? – This dog sharing has been going on the whole time I have known him). So I flat out ask him what is wrong with me, he says nothing that he finds me attractive but wants to be single. What?……So you are over your ex, it has been 3 years and still you want to be single. I guess he does because he has decidied to let me go because that is what I want. Yeah its what I want because I can not be around him if I have feelings for him and he feels nothing. So I basically feel like I have wasted the last 3 years of my life waiting for something that was never going to happen. So I am telling you, safe your sanity and cut this one lose. Don’t wast anymore of your time and energy on something that is not health for you.

    • Grey Goose, Dirty Says:

      Proud of you for being so strong EM. Sorry you had to go through this, but guys are just dumb sometimes and you did the right thing. You didn’t waste the last three years. You were just being hopeful and hopefully have some great memories to carry forward with you. I know I need to do the same (and have known for over a year now) and I will. No really, I will. I’m just going in circles and making myself nuts……………

  4. Jenny Says:

    I tried to get back with a guy who stole money from me and lied about it even though I have proof that he did it. Some days I think I’m going to die single. :/

    • This just goes to show that pithy statement that ‘love is blind’ is totally true! We’ve all done ridiculous things that in hindsight can’t believe we did. 🙂 You’re not going to die single Jenny. I promise you that. He’s out there somewhere (just hidden behind all the idiots)….

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