*just found in my ‘drafts’ folder, so here ya’ go*
My ziplock baggie and I decided to meet a friend for happy hour tonight. Probably shouldn’t have gone as my knee was killing me, but what can a single gal do on Valentine’s Day if not go meet friends for a drink? After a craptastic couple of days, I actually had a drink. Uhm, bad idea. I guess when they say you shouldn’t mix pain meds with alcohol, they mean it. Not that anything crazy happened but it made me sick to my stomach and I was back home, in bed, with one of my pups within 2 hours. Just as well. I was getting jealous of seeing couples out on dates anyway.
I’m still trying to learn to ask for help when I need it. Be it with work, or the house or *gasp* just random stuff. Old habits die hard though. I really needed some help last night as I had twisted my knee and was in a shitpot of pain with loads of work left to get done. Try as I might, I couldn’t come up with anyone that I could ask. That’s an amazingly shitty realization to come to. There’s only one person I’ve ever truly allowed to help me with anything I needed and since he’s not in my life anymore, it’s a difficult transition.
I wonder what he did today for ‘her’. Did he cut her roses out of his backyard? Did he take her to dinner? Did he play with her hair and run his fingers up and down her arm? Did he tell her he loved her? I WISH I didn’t care. I WISH I still didn’t replay everything in my head. I WISH I could have seen, at the time, how he was twisting things and how he threw me under the bus and set me up for failure every chance he got last year. I apologized for way too much. I keep waffling between hating him and missing him. ‘We’re just different people’ he told me the last time I spoke to him. As if that were a bad thing. We are different, in good ways though. The funniest part of him saying that to me though is that we’re actually NOT all that different from each other. We’re both overly sensitive. We both get defensive. We’re both just looking for that one special someone. Well, correction, I’m still looking for that special someone and he’s settled for ‘meh’.
I can’t think of the last time I had a Valentine………… *sigh*