43 & Single – Heaven Help Me, I've Resorted To Internet Dating!

Ridiculous & Random Stories & Thoughts on My Experiences

Juice – The Recipe for World Peace February 16, 2014

Filed under: internet dating — Grey Goose, Dirty @ 11:24 am

So there’s been this guy, not sure if I blogged about him or not last year who contacted me off of match and I opted out of meeting.  Of course, because I’m uber mature, instead of just telling him I wasn’t interested, I told him I had a cold and then contact kinda just tapered off.  Well, he’s sent me about 1 text per month since last July just ‘checking in’.  He never used my name in any of them so I just assumed he was cleaning out his phone contacts and came across a name he hadn’t yet crossed off his list.  I got a ‘Happy New Year’ last month.  A ‘It’s been a long time, how come we never met up?’ a few weeks ago and a ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ on Friday.  Of course, I never bothered responding to any of the messages so had to kinda love his stupidity dedication.  Last night, however, he sends a ‘I want to see you, let’s meet up tonight’.  Uhm, no.  I immediately send a text to a friend letting her know that he texted again and now wants me to go out but I bet he doesn’t know my name.  Of course, being the huge idiot brilliant individual that I am, I accidentally sent that text to HIM instead of my friend.  I can’t make this shit up people.

I felt the need to apologize for the misfired text and he was very gracious and what do you know?  Actually did remember my name.  He asked me out again and I declined.  I then let him know that I was still recovering from a total knee replacement.  He says that he had one too!  And he actually used a surgeon that I almost chose, but didn’t.  He offered to give me some pointers and tips on recovery since I seem to be in the remedial class of that.  As I can use all the help I can get I agreed to meet him for breakfast this morning.

We met up and right away I knew I had made a mistake.  I think he did to.  The man looked everywhere but at me when he spoke.  He asked when my surgery was and I told him it was 2 months ago.  He proceeds to tell me it’s because my nutrition was bad.  Uhm, do I look jaundiced?  Why would he say that to me?  I told him that I actually eat fairly well and that I eat a ton of vegetables.  He asked me if I juice.  That would be a resounding NO.  Why would I want to drink a vegetable when I can eat it in it’s true form.  He proceeds to tell me that eating vegetables is okay, but juicing them is better.  Whatever.  He then let’s me know about all the supplements he’s taking and how nutrition is tantamount in his daily life.  Really?  Cause he looked a bit gaunt and gangly to me.  Anyway, after an hour of him making me feel like I was doing everything wrong or not trying hard enough in my recovery, he suggested we leave.  I couldn’t have hobbled out of the restaurant fast enough.

Let this be a lesson to everyone that apparently juicing – not just one type of juice, but ALL kinds of juice – will cure anything and that proper nutrition is also key to a full life.  Did I forget to mention that he put grape jelly on his bacon?!?!?

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10 Responses to “Juice – The Recipe for World Peace”

  1. cousin bette Says:

    Haha! Loved this. It’s one of those dates where you drive all the way home shaking your head in disbelief. Ah, yes. I remember those times. Now I can ‘enjoy them’ vicariously through you. I once had a date who wanted me to revisit the place where he might have ‘caught’ his allergy from. On the second date (I know, I know) we had to walk under the same trees sniffing them. Guffaw! There was no third date. The shame of it all was he was the nicest looking guy in months. And anybody who drones on about the supplements they take – well… Man up!

  2. So I am the queen of texting the wrong person! It happens to me fairly often. lol!
    I think we have all been on a why am I doing this date, always awkward and uncomfortable. Better luck next time.
    If juicing is the cure all will it help me fix whatever is wrong with me that tends to attract morons? hmm….just a thought.

  3. So basically, your first instinct was right and the guy was a dork…gah, sorry you had to even go there 🙂 I did chuckle about the misfired text though, been there done that…

  4. M Says:

    Ah, the misfired text. Definitely been there and done that. I’m a fan of juicing (some) but I don’t beat people over the head with it. What’s to be gained from being so judgemental? Your story reminds me of the time I met up (for breakfast) with a man I thought was a decent prospect. During the conversation he asks about my thoughts on evolution and was highly offended when I told him I believe in the theory. He tried lecturing me on the error of my ways. O.o I wasn’t moved. His mood changed and was ready to go. Ah well, my belly was full and it was a gorgeous summer day. At the time I thought what a shame because he was absolutely beautiful. Not beautiful enough to compensate for the batshit, though.

    • I think the lesson to be learned here is that breakfast dates never end well. 😉 Let that be a lesson to us both! Gotta love self righteous people (not)! Too bad he wasn’t a beautiful mute.

  5. Matthew Says:

    Fermented grains and potatoes are a juice, right? 😉


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