So after carefully weighing everyone’s very much appreciated advice, I went ahead and did what I wanted anyway. Really? You’re going to act surprised by that bit of information? I was good though. All I sent was something like ‘I hope your dad is doing well and that you’re taking care of yourself. I’m here if you need me’. I kicked around including something flirty. Or something needy. Or something totally pathetic. Be proud of me. I just sent my generic ‘thinking of you’ e-mail on Saturday and was not surprised at all that I didn’t get a response. Damn.
Too bad that by Sunday I had opted to go back onto E-Harmony and see what treasures awaited me. Unfortunately, the 1st page to come up were the people that I had been e mailing with. I saw the one that I went out with several times who was quite challenged in the kissing department had looked at my profile. No clue why. I saw that someone I was communicating with several years ago (yes, I never clear out my matches) who I never met, but am funnily enough now friends with, has his profile greyed out. After years of trying to get his profile removed from the site, apparently they finally did it. A profile picture will only come up greyed out if they cancel their membership and have their profile removed or if they block you. A charming feature that I think is just rude, but whatever. I also saw my Unicorn. Greyed out. WTF?! He either blocked me or cancelled his membership. I know he had told me that he was getting annoyed with all the messages and alerts that he was receiving. I also know that he told me, repeatedly, that he only dates one person at a time. I also know I haven’t spoken to him in over 2 weeks. Obviously as I wasn’t going to be able to figure this one out, and I always jump to the worst case scenario, multiple cocktails were in order as I just assumed that his ‘one person’ was no longer me. Great.
Lo and behold, as I had just told a friend I was pretty sure I was dumped (and of course, posted it on FB for all the world to see just in case there was any doubt in my total loser status), I received and e-mail. From him. On Monday. He told me he was leaving to be with his dad today. That he didn’t know how long he’d be gone. That he would try to call me when he could. That he wished he had something better to tell me, but that this would have to do for now. That he had been hugely busy trying to get everything/work done before leaving. And, as any polite man would when keeping in touch with someone who has no idea what’s going on, that he hoped I was having a terrific Monday.
Uhm, what? Although I very much appreciated his checking in, his message didn’t actually say much. And was hugely generic and impersonal. I absolutely ‘get’ that he’s overwhelmed with everything. I completely understand that he’s probably worried sick about his dad. I don’t quite understand how he could fall off the radar for so long but then still re-appear, apparently each Monday morning, to send an update. One that he could send to a cousin. Or an aunt. Or a neighbor. Not really one to someone that you’d put on a hugely inappropriate display of PDA with.
I’m taking it at face value. He probably wants to keep his options open. I believe that he likes me. Or at least did. I believe that he’s overwhelmed with everything now. That maybe he meant to pull back completely. That he doesn’t actually realize that his going from full press to nothing has done a bit of a number on me. I don’t know how long he’ll be gone. Or when he’ll be back. Or when, or if, I’ll ever see or hear from him again.
I went back onto e-harm and turned my
horribly depressing and inappropriate matches back on. I will not turn down any potential dates that may arise (ha). I will be staying busy. I will be going out with friends. I will, however, be holding out hope that I will see my Unicorn again. And be able to find out what on earth happened….until that time, I will patiently await my next Monday morning update from him….